| The Body Monsters |
Somewhere around 2005, a routine google search for "brain monster" (the sort of thing I routinely search
google for) brought me to an online store called "Buck Bean Novelties," whose vast array of toys, gags and
knick-knacks included a STUNNING set of plastic body-part monsters sold as key chains.
google for) brought me to an online store called "Buck Bean Novelties," whose vast array of toys, gags and
knick-knacks included a STUNNING set of plastic body-part monsters sold as key chains.
| By Jonathan Wojcik |
The one that started it all, I actually purchased my first Brain Monster to use as an actual keychain,
but it got so worn and torn in the line of duty that I regret the decision. I purchased this pristine
back-up just in the nick of time, and promptly removed the metal keychain part. As you can see, it's
a pretty straightforward monster, but straightforward in the best possible way. Brain on top, bug on
the bottom. Anything more would just be too many bells and whistles. I appreciate the fact that the
optic nerves cross one another, which is exactly how our own eyes are placed in our craniums.
but it got so worn and torn in the line of duty that I regret the decision. I purchased this pristine
back-up just in the nick of time, and promptly removed the metal keychain part. As you can see, it's
a pretty straightforward monster, but straightforward in the best possible way. Brain on top, bug on
the bottom. Anything more would just be too many bells and whistles. I appreciate the fact that the
optic nerves cross one another, which is exactly how our own eyes are placed in our craniums.
The lung monster was initially my second favorite, but I honestly can't rank these guys anymore.
Every one of them is a precious snowflake. This monster combines several of my favorite creature
features, including tentacles, scattered eyes and a vertically-aligned mouth. The silvery tentacles
encircling the windpipe are an interesting feature as well. Is that another mouth in the center? I also
really love the color schemes here. Orange and purple are a nice, gross combo, and all of these
monsters have those vivid green or yellow eyes.
Every one of them is a precious snowflake. This monster combines several of my favorite creature
features, including tentacles, scattered eyes and a vertically-aligned mouth. The silvery tentacles
encircling the windpipe are an interesting feature as well. Is that another mouth in the center? I also
really love the color schemes here. Orange and purple are a nice, gross combo, and all of these
monsters have those vivid green or yellow eyes.
The heart monster might be the oddest and scariest looking of the bunch, and that's saying
something. It has crab legs very similar to the brain, its valves end in two eyes and three mouths,
and its atrium (the pink part) is dotted with what appear to be additional, leech-like mouths!
something. It has crab legs very similar to the brain, its valves end in two eyes and three mouths,
and its atrium (the pink part) is dotted with what appear to be additional, leech-like mouths!
Buckbean's original photograph of the Mouth Monster didn't look that great, and I didn't even
think it looks that cool until I bought it on a whim. Once I saw it in the flesh, I fell in love with its
perfectly round, warty body and stumpy feet. It's like a more disgusting Pac-man, and you can
easily picture it closing up like a perfect fat clam. I find those little pink tubes downright fascinating, I
guess they're probably breathing appendages.
think it looks that cool until I bought it on a whim. Once I saw it in the flesh, I fell in love with its
perfectly round, warty body and stumpy feet. It's like a more disgusting Pac-man, and you can
easily picture it closing up like a perfect fat clam. I find those little pink tubes downright fascinating, I
guess they're probably breathing appendages.
Finally, we come to the eyeball monster, an even simpler design than the brain. He's basically just a
very accurate severed eyeball - complete with stumpy optic nerve - but a wicked little sculpted
mouth and a few metallic tentacles remind us that this is indeed a monster. One thing I immediately
noticed about these guys are the repetitive tentacle arrangements. We have three figures now with
blunt, fat tentacles in slightly twisted clusters of three. Could it mean anything? Each monster is
almost arranged to fill a cube-shaped space. You can almost roll these figures like dice.
very accurate severed eyeball - complete with stumpy optic nerve - but a wicked little sculpted
mouth and a few metallic tentacles remind us that this is indeed a monster. One thing I immediately
noticed about these guys are the repetitive tentacle arrangements. We have three figures now with
blunt, fat tentacles in slightly twisted clusters of three. Could it mean anything? Each monster is
almost arranged to fill a cube-shaped space. You can almost roll these figures like dice.
Like I said, I didn't get my hands on any more of these figures, but I did keep the images off
Buckbean's website. You can see what poor quality they were, and you can tell that they hide a lot
of details. What could be lurking on the other side of this crazy foot-creature? What's coming out of
the top? They could be anemone-like tentacles, bright green claws or even slime. Maybe there's
another mouth up there, I wouldn't put it past these guys. I love the whole cartoony boot-shape of
this thing, and its veiny, nasty skin!
Buckbean's website. You can see what poor quality they were, and you can tell that they hide a lot
of details. What could be lurking on the other side of this crazy foot-creature? What's coming out of
the top? They could be anemone-like tentacles, bright green claws or even slime. Maybe there's
another mouth up there, I wouldn't put it past these guys. I love the whole cartoony boot-shape of
this thing, and its veiny, nasty skin!
The hand monster is the only one of this line that utterly fails to impress me. It just doesn't live up to
the standard we've established here. It's a hand with tacked on features that stops abruptly at the
wrist when it could have been a crawling spider-hand with eyes and teeth in its stump. I guess a
freaky lizard-head-hand is creative in its own way, but it doesn't scream "monster" to me.
the standard we've established here. It's a hand with tacked on features that stops abruptly at the
wrist when it could have been a crawling spider-hand with eyes and teeth in its stump. I guess a
freaky lizard-head-hand is creative in its own way, but it doesn't scream "monster" to me.
The ear monster is another one I thought was sort of boring, but now that I can never have one, I've
warmed up to it. The mouth looks so disgusting at the center of this veiny ear, which appears to be
lined with a second set of blunt, metallic teeth (or this monster has a tacky fashion sense).
Eye-stalks are always a plus, and the arms are rather interesting. I wonder if they're just smooth,
green rods or have claws on the other side? Maybe they have suckers.
warmed up to it. The mouth looks so disgusting at the center of this veiny ear, which appears to be
lined with a second set of blunt, metallic teeth (or this monster has a tacky fashion sense).
Eye-stalks are always a plus, and the arms are rather interesting. I wonder if they're just smooth,
green rods or have claws on the other side? Maybe they have suckers.
Words fail to capture just how much I adore these bizarre figurines, who so perfectly encompass everything I
love about creeping, crawling, bug-eyed mutant beasties. Sadly, nine varieties were offered through
Buckbean, but I only purchased five before the entire store vanished without warning and their e-mail address
stopped functioning. What's more, they were never the manufacturer of these toys; like most novelty shops,
they received their products from overseas suppliers and simply had no further details to divulge.
On the upside, I did manage to save their (crappy) photos of the other figures, so enjoy my run-down of all
nine (known) body-organ monsters! If you know where I can buy more, e-mail me!
love about creeping, crawling, bug-eyed mutant beasties. Sadly, nine varieties were offered through
Buckbean, but I only purchased five before the entire store vanished without warning and their e-mail address
stopped functioning. What's more, they were never the manufacturer of these toys; like most novelty shops,
they received their products from overseas suppliers and simply had no further details to divulge.
On the upside, I did manage to save their (crappy) photos of the other figures, so enjoy my run-down of all
nine (known) body-organ monsters! If you know where I can buy more, e-mail me!
| -THE EYE- |
| -THE MOUTH- |
| -THE LUNGS- |
| -THE HEART- |
| -THE BRAIN- |
| THE "LOST" BODY MONSTERS |
| -THE FOOT- |
| -THE HAND- |
| -THE EAR- |
| -THE HOO-HA?- |
Last but certainly not least, we come to this unfortunate freak. It's probably intended as an
upside-down nose creature (with booger eyes!) but due to the mouth, Buckbean referred to it as a
"vagina monster - not for the kiddies!" and this was the one figure sold completely out when I
discovered the site, probably snapped up by juvenile-minded party duudz who weren't even
monster fans. Huh huh. Lookit my vaginer keychain. You would think people never saw a vertical
mouth before.
Incidentally, these monsters have turned up in one other place, in a form that just raises even more
questions...
upside-down nose creature (with booger eyes!) but due to the mouth, Buckbean referred to it as a
"vagina monster - not for the kiddies!" and this was the one figure sold completely out when I
discovered the site, probably snapped up by juvenile-minded party duudz who weren't even
monster fans. Huh huh. Lookit my vaginer keychain. You would think people never saw a vertical
mouth before.
Incidentally, these monsters have turned up in one other place, in a form that just raises even more
questions...
| -THE WIND-UP BODY MONSTERS- |
These glow-in-the-dark, vinyl wind-up toys come to us straight from Japan, and are/were available
from agintoys.com (this is their own photo) for a rather hefty sum. They're obviously the same
designs as our eyeball, brain and heart monster, but if you look closely, they are not exactly the
same molds. The heart has a different overall shape, eye position and noticeably different veins,
the brain's eyes are much farther apart (they don't even appear to be crossed, like I pointed out
earlier) and the eyeball has somewhat different tentacles. This would have to mean that these
critters were either sculpted and cast more than once or their molds were slightly modified at some
point, but why? Just how long could these monsters have been around? Where might they have
come from? What other forgotten toys could be using these designs?
If you have any body-monster sightings to report, any trivia to share or can even get me some
more, you are a total jerkface for not e-mailing me yet. What are you waiting for?!
from agintoys.com (this is their own photo) for a rather hefty sum. They're obviously the same
designs as our eyeball, brain and heart monster, but if you look closely, they are not exactly the
same molds. The heart has a different overall shape, eye position and noticeably different veins,
the brain's eyes are much farther apart (they don't even appear to be crossed, like I pointed out
earlier) and the eyeball has somewhat different tentacles. This would have to mean that these
critters were either sculpted and cast more than once or their molds were slightly modified at some
point, but why? Just how long could these monsters have been around? Where might they have
come from? What other forgotten toys could be using these designs?
If you have any body-monster sightings to report, any trivia to share or can even get me some
more, you are a total jerkface for not e-mailing me yet. What are you waiting for?!