Ghoul School
...See also my interview with this game's creator! He has also contributed several missing sprites to this page.
  In this little-known game by Electro Brain Corp (I love that name) you take on the role of Spike O' Hara, an 80's style rebellious no-good punk archetype of "Cool School High" on a mission to rescue Samantha Pom-Pom, the head cheerleader who turned him down for the prom. Taking his usual shortcut through the graveyard on his way home one Halloween eve, Spike finds a mysterious glowing skull and takes it to the school's science proffessor, Dr. Ernest Femur. The fact that the skull was growing larger and larger by the minute should have been enough for him to leave it the hell alone, but you know these rebels and their monkey-like curiousity... always meddling in things beyond mortal comprehension.

   It turns out that the skull is actually a beacon for the realm of the dead, and after a night of "terrible dreams", Spike learns from the news that Cool School High has become infested with ghosts and is now known GHOUL School high! Oh, the humanity! Samantha Pom-Pom is being held captive somewhere inside, and noone to enter the school has returned. Now, I'd merely laugh and continue about my day, but Spike is just crazy and rebellious enough to attempt a rescue mission. As soon as he enters the building, the doors lock behind him and he is challenged by a mysterious voice claiming to be the "ghoul master"...
  All this is explained in the manual, as the game itself plunges you right in with scarcely an introduction. You get 5 lives, no password or continue option, and must locate various weapons left behind by the "paranormal exterminators and football players" who failed in their own heroics before you. There are 129 rooms and halls in the school, laid out in a confusing, almost random manner. Without the lone walkthrough on gamefaqs.com, this is one of the most frustrating and dull games on the planet.
  But you know, it's just as possible that Spike is nothing more than a drugged-up schizophrenic sociopath who only thinks the school is overrun with monsters. I mean, think about it, Samantha's rejection might have been just enough to push him over the edge, turning former classmates and teachers into manifestations of his own inner demons. He sees an army of the undead bent on ruining his life; the rest of the world sees a troubled teen going ballistic for no apparent reason, slaughtering innocent people with sandwiches and towels. Maybe I've been playing too much Silent Hill, I dunno. Hey, it makes this game more fun.
-The Monsters-
Optik & Blinky:
Optiks are the first and most common enemies you encounter. They either hop in place, walk back and forth, or a combination of both and sometimes attack by shooting poisonous red tears at you. Blinkies are the tinier but far more powerful female versions that chase you relentlessly, apparently in love with Spike, as the manual explains. With one of those puns using the word "crush".
Dumb-Bell:
Bodybuilding Optiks that haunt the gym. They stand in place lifting weights and then throwing them, over and over and over.
Grouchy Gore-Met, Quarter Pound & Green Gook:
Identical to Optik & Blinky, but with cute chef hats and "funny" cooking related names. Encountered only in the cafeteria's kitchen. Green Gook is the bubbling slime on the stovetop and in the giant blender, found only in these two locations and instantly deadly to touch (must have lots of curry in it. TIM Curry! ...I don't really know what I'm trying to say here.)
Moss-Top & Hands-Off:
Moss top is a gangrenous green ghast that seldom moves and sends its head flying off at you to return like a boomerang. Hands-Off is basically the same thing, but he throws his arm. Now, does this make them bestest buddies, or fierce rivals? The mysteries of life...
Medusa's Head:
Onle one of these exists, floating in circles above a pile of bones in the leftmost end of the foyer, blocking what would otherwise be a shortcut past most of the entire game! I don't think there's any way to kill her, but I didn't get the gamma gun.
Props to the game's writers for getting this guy's name right!!!
Frankenstein's Monster:
Fast moving and very hard to defeat, sometimes they throw sandwiches at you. Perfectly good sandwiches! Truly, monsters among monsters.
The dead body:
Not really an enemy, there is only one and it's lying under a table in the gym. If you touch it, you die.
Slam Dunk:
Haunted basketbells bouncing up and down in one room of the gym. Destroying the scoreboard is the only way to stop them.
Nibbles & Squeekees:
Tiny rats and bats who follow your every move.
Boolip:
A haunted flower with a sad little face that walks on its pot. It gets angry and hops up and down as you approach.
Spectres:
Invincible ghosts that inhabit the air ducts.
Grease Monkeys:
They throw wrenches at you and can be found in the garage and final area.
Putrids:
Little, cute red brains that crawl on their brainstems!
The manual uses this image for the "putrid", but these more closely resemble piles of intestines. They're encountered much earlier in the game and cannot move around, but they pulsate up and down.
Spitoon:
Giant spitting cobras found only in a few halls  towards the end of the game. They don't move around..
Ego:
Described in the manual as "a little goblin with a big head", these alien looking guys are invincible and are the last new regular enemies you encounter.
Funny Bones:
The Manual challenges you to find this guy, and well, I originally couldn't. Turns out you just attack the anatomy chart in the same room as Bonehead (below). Skeletons just gotta stick together.
Parle Le Boo:
Like every other enemy after this point, only one of these exists. I have no idea what he's meant to be but he's in the library. He just walks at you.
Bootoven & Note-Orious:
Officially bringing this game's total number of bad jokes up to "two too many", this duo can be found in the music room. If you kill Bootoven, Note-Orious the killer music note won't leave you alone.
Cleanser & Sweeps:
Cleanser the ghost janitor can be found mopping up one hallway. He's actually unagressive, but if you attack him, his mop and bucket spring to life and chase you (this is "Sweeps")
The Grim Reaper:
Female, and the principal of Ghoul School. Beat her and you'll get her sickle. I find it amusingly ironic that the Grim Reaper dies and turns into a ghost when you defeat her.
Spine Tingler:
I love this guy! He's just a floating disembodied spinal column and pelvic bone guarding the door to the elevator. Only the "Spinal Zap" weapon can kill him and get him out of the way.
Bonehead:
The very skull that caused all this trouble! It sits on the same pedestal Dr. Femur left it, and comes to life when you hit it. You must destroy it to proceed to the hall where you can access the incredibly long crawlspace, which leads to the air ducts, which take you to the final area before the last boss.
Admiral Aorta:
I have no idea how a giant floating heart became an admiral, but he gaurds the door to the last boss! He doesn't do anything but float around, usually away from you. Nontheless, I salute him!
King Cornea the Ghoul Master:
Samantha Pom-Pom is trapped under some sort of weird gross wriggling nerve ending that you must destroy with the embalming fluid to end the game, but first you have to take on the king. No, not that king, the CORNEA King! An Optik on cow hormones or something that threateningly paces slowly back and forth occassionally firing a little bolt from his eye that the manual calls a "Stye Beam". Yeah, a Stye Beam. What, you don't have one?
The Ending!
  Must be something big for the ending to such an otherwise quirky and creative game, right? Sigh ... Spike and Samantha are standing outside watching the ghosts leave the school, they look at eachother, he puts his arm out to her, and she shrugs him off and steps away. What the hell, Samantha!? I should've left your spoiled-rotten hide to a lifetime of popping out eyeball-babies! Let this be a lesson to you, Spike: they just aren't worth the trouble. The two continue to watch the ghosts leaving until you shut the game off. That's a lot of ghouls.
 

 

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