The Adventures of Dr. Franken
This is what happens when you run out of time. It is very, very annoying. This is what happens when you run out of time. It is very, very annoying.
This is what happens when you run out of time. It is very, very annoying.
  In this rather run-of-the-mill SNES platformer, Frankenstein and his monster are not only the same damn thing, but they've been bastardized into what was no-doubt marketed as the next cool break-out videogame star: the sandal-wearing abomination of science, "Dr. Franken". Supposedly, Franken is on a mission to collect the body parts of his monster girlfriend, of which there are four scattered pieces per stage. Collecting all four unlocks the next level, and you'll travel all around the world before finally returning to the first stage, doing the exact same thing, and ending the game.

   There are NO boss battles whatsoever, and the only challenge comes from the superfluous control system: no matter which direction you're facing, one button makes you kick to the right and the other button kicks to the left. They actually make you press a different button depending on what side the enemy is attacking from. I know they probably thought it was creative and that people would eventually get used to it, but all it did was piss me off and make me scour the internet for an invincibility code. I wound up playing the entire game without actually attacking anything unless it, too, was pissing me off.

   At least there are plenty of fairly interesting-looking enemies. JUST enough to warrant the existence of this page.
Enemies (info on mouseover)
Typical floating, disjointed armor guys.
These sewn-together arms stand motionless until you approach. Silent Hill, anyone?
These sewn-together arms stand motionless until you approach. Silent Hill, anyone?
These sewn-together arms stand motionless until you approach. Silent Hill, anyone?
Cute, cute, cute little aliens with rayguns for HEADS! These sewn-together arms stand motionless until you approach. Silent Hill, anyone?
Cute, cute, cute little aliens with rayguns for HEADS! Giant scarab beetles!
Cute, cute, cute little aliens with rayguns for HEADS! Normal, boring bats. Surprisingly rare.
Cute, cute, cute little aliens with rayguns for HEADS!
The aliens emerge two at a time from these saucers.
Giant scarab beetles!
Giant zombie chefs encountered in the first stage!
Giant zombie chefs encountered in the first stage! Giant zombie chefs encountered in the first stage!
Goofy firebreathing dragon heads that rise in and out of lava.
Giant buzzards that swoop from one perch to another.
Giant buzzards that swoop from one perch to another.
Hopping, evil trash cans!
Hopping, evil trash cans!
These glowing bugs EXPLODE as you approach!
These glowing bugs EXPLODE as you approach!
Hopping, evil trash cans!
Big, oafish monsters from the first stage.
Big, oafish monsters from the first stage.
Big, oafish monsters from the first stage.
Giant, adorable crabs from one of the cave levels.
Flying monster heads from the first stage.
These dogs run back and forth, back and forth, being dogs.
Giant, adorable crabs from one of the cave levels.
Giant, adorable crabs from one of the cave levels.
Firebreathing giant frogs!
Floating, barely-animated ghosts. THESE crabs can fly, and they have rocket launchers inside!
THESE crabs can fly, and they have rocket launchers inside!
Firebreathing giant frogs!
Firebreathing giant frogs! Firebreathing giant frogs! THESE crabs can fly, and they have rocket launchers inside!
GRAARRGH! $2.95 A GALLON, SUCKERS!
Evil gascans!
THESE crabs can fly, and they have rocket launchers inside!
Flying skeletons from a stage that resembles hell. How fun!
Flying skeletons from a stage that resembles hell. How fun!
A giant pelican that flies overhead dropping...something? Flying skeletons from a stage that resembles hell. How fun!
Mummies that walk back and forth, back and forth, being mummies.
Silly, wiggly-legged ninjas. All they do is walk around with their swords sticking out.
Silly, wiggly-legged ninjas. All they do is walk around with their swords sticking out.
This is what the giant pelican drops on you. I can't tell what they are either. Claws? Crabs? Much littler flying skeletons.
Evil remote-control planes.
Little helicopters that drop bombs.
Giant skeletons that send little ghost skulls after you.
Giant skeletons that send little ghost skulls after you.
There are four kinds of haunted tree, but only this one can hurt you.
These neat-looking plants don't move, but some can spit seeds at you.
These neat-looking plants don't move, but some can spit seeds at you.
These neat-looking plants don't move, but some can spit seeds at you.
These neat-looking plants don't move, but some can spit seeds at you.
Ghostly skulls created by the giant skeletons.
Spiky rat things equipped with springs!
Spiders found in many levels. They drop down on you. A haunted...welding..can..thing...what do you call these?
Snakes that pop out of the ground.
Hopping sumo wrestlers.
Flying skulls!
Flying skulls!
One spiky rat thing sheds its spines to reveal that it's a FLYING ANDROID! One spiky rat thing sheds its spines to reveal that it's a FLYING ANDROID!
Spiky rat things equipped with springs!
One spiky rat thing sheds its spines to reveal that it's a FLYING ANDROID!
This cute reaper does nothing but float around in the first stage. Not noticeably animated.
This drops on you in one stage if you stand in place too long.
First stage enemies. You never see them stop spinning.
A *different* flying monster head!
Neat little sandworm heads that pop out of the ground.
Trucks that drive back and forth....WITHOUT A DRIVER! WoooOOooo!
Neat little sandworm heads that pop out of the ground.
Neat-looking wasps that dive-bomb you.
Neat-looking wasps that dive-bomb you.
Neat-looking wasps that dive-bomb you.
Giant zombies that leap like monkeys!
Giant zombies that leap like monkeys!
Giant zombies that leap like monkeys!
Giant zombies that leap like monkeys! Giant zombies that leap like monkeys!
Giant zombies that leap like monkeys!
  Because they are puny and stupid, and because I have nothing else interesting to say or do here, all non-ninja human enemies have been segregated from the monsters.
Some juggling unicyclist.
A puny human having way too much fun on a pogo stick. Some stupid-looking guy who smacks you with his bag.
Strangely much larger than the other humans, this pimply kid controls the airplanes.
Jackhammering guys.
A puny human having way too much fun on a giant bouncy ball.
Short, pudgy policemen who pull out oversized guns.
Punks that charge like bulls.
Punks that charge like bulls.
  These others trees are a harmless part of the background, but I just had to show them. They don't do anything, except that their eyes move back and forth (or up and down) and the tips of their twigs wiggle a little..
The Ending
Goofy firebreathing dragon heads that rise in and out of lava.
  Upon completing every stage (and a second run through the first), you are treated to this single, brief scene before the credits roll. I can't even fathom how confusing this must be if you aren't already familiar with the storyline. I'm just disappointed that his girlfriend wasn't patterned after the Bride of Frankenstein. She doesn't even look undead!
 

 

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