Anpanman Character Reviews:

Once upon a time there was a shortage of red beans, so Uncle Jam tried making Anpanman a head filled with sweet cream instead of anko. This resulted in an emotionally and physically frailer Anpanman too meek and nice to accomplish any heroism.

We tell this story because, some years later, a bread person was added to the show whose head is naturally filled with that very same cream, and of all the times for this show to finally practice some consistency with established logic, they decided this should be one of the chosen few.

Nobody actually knows exactly where this creature came from. In the series, he just sort of "showed up" and was adopted right into the family, though I want to believe Uncle Jam created him. Whatever the case may be, Creampanda has basically the mind of a very sensitive four year old and relatively pitiful strength for his kind, unable to match even a fraction of any other bread monster's power. If he is, indeed, another of Jam's godless experiments, then it makes sense that he's the very last pan-thropomorph ever added to the central cast. I know it's probably just that the creators of the series decided that six talking buns was enough, but I choose to believe Jam finally called it quits after seeing this catastrophic failure come alive.

I know we already talked a big talk about what an abomination Currypanman is, but would you get a load of this kid? His head exaggerates the notches of traditional creampan into basically a giant hand...and his "rock paper scissors" punch attack is performed not with his fists, but, you guessed it, his entire face curled up into one big fist.

The fact that he's not strong enough for this maneuver to accomplish much of anything is even sadder. His whole facial anatomy exists to facilitate an attack that virtually always fails. Then there's those black circles around his eyes, which I think are supposed to remind us of a "panda," but come across more as ghoulish sockets housing tiny eyeballs.

Speaking of that "panda" part...his name is supposed to just be Creampan, but he always introduced himself with "Creampan da," a very informal way of simply saying "I'm Creampan!" This confused people into thinking his name was "Creampanda" as a running gag, at first, which he used to be pretty quick to correct...but over time, he just sort of resigned himself to the name. There's little else we can even say about him, but we've now officially completed our look at Anpanman's fellow superheroes, and that means it's villain time starting tomorrow.

At least he can find love and acceptance in the tantalizing glow of flame.