FERN UNLEASHED THE RAMBLIN' EVIL COLORECTAL POLYP!
The obnoxious little tumor guy has proven oddly insightful thus far...
RAMBLIN' EVIL COLORECTAL POLYP:
Hoo boy, that's a load'a colons, and none of 'em too pretty. This thing's fairly big, but it's also fairly broken. It can barely move without tearing itself up, so whatever it can do is gonna come with some recoil issues. Definitely not the kind of body I'd feel safe riding around in.
WILLIS USED DRINK!
STRIKE ROLL: 11 (HIT!)
Arteries fly from Willis's tiny body, branching and arcing like a bolt of electricity into the meat of the shuddering monstrosity.
FINAL JAYSLOB LOSES 1/4 CURRENT HP (ROUNDED DOWN!) TO WILLIS!
WILLIS GAINED 9 HEALTH!
Mmm-mm!! This one's REAL salty!!!
+
The monster rears back, soft flesh squelching and broken bones rattling like a thousand castanet players in a mud wrestling contest.
Creeping, ghostly shapes manifest wherever the ultraviolet light falls, raking their surroundings with unseen claws and gnashing aloud with unseen molars.
FINAL JAYSLOB SUSTAINED 1 KIDNEY DAMAGE, 1 SLASHING DAMAGE, 4 SLOBBOMB DAMAGE AND 1 RECOIL DAMAGE THIS TURN!
WILLIS USED TRANSFUSE!
A network of veins, flickering in and out of perception, crackle through the air and entangle with Fern's CORE BRANCHES. If you could see what that looked like, it'd look pretty weird.
WILLIS LOSES 6 HEALTH!
+
FERN HEALS ALL DAMAGE!
FERN:
What just happened!??!
WILLIS:
You're so DEADABLE, Fern! Jeez! Almost anything can deadify you! Good thing TRANSFUSE always goes last in a combat round.
FERN:
"Combat round...?"
WILLIS:
Yeah, but careful! End combat at zero health and you'll have to fully respawn!
FERN:
Um...I don't really understand how that's real, but I'll take your word for it...
>WILLIS: SHIELD. FERN: SLASH.
WILLIS USED SHIELD!
Willis surrounds FERN in a tough, rubbery basket of arteries. All damage inflicted by or upon Willis and Fern reduced to ONE this turn!
FINAL JAYSLOB SUSTAINED 1 KIDNEY DAMAGE, 1 SLASHING DAMAGE, 7 SLOBBOMB DAMAGE AND 1 RECOIL DAMAGE THIS TURN!
Hooting mournfully, the tangled heap of a creature gushes something like chunky fruit preserves from the gnarled black pit at its center, wobbling even more shakily than usual.
>WILLIS: SHIELD. FERN: SLASH.
FERN USED SLASH!
Hmph...this thing's a pushover!
STRIKE ROLL: 11 (MISS!)
WILLIS:
....REALLY!?!
FERN:
Er...whoops?
...Tittering maniacally, the BABY KIDNEY STONE launches another of its crystalline thorns...
...The beast falls silent as the single, tiny sliver disappears into its pulsating flesh...
...Something deep within the creature pops audibly...
