Maybe it's the badge, maybe it's the obvious context, but you know the huge, horrible thing slithering into the suddenly very claustrophobic shack is unmistakably this Doctor Gynnie you keep hearing about.

You take a seat and try to look friendly.

Willis and the eye thing have hidden themselves in the desk.
You're not sure if what you're looking at is closer a speculum or closer to those horrible, huge forceps they use when a baby gets...stuck. You suppose it's a sort of multi-purpose whatsit, or a general impression of all the crap they stick you with at a "real" maternity ward.

In any case, it positively REEKS of alcohol and aloe - the smell of cheap, dried up hand sanitizer - and its rubber glove body undulates on the floor like a stranded eel, continuing out the door into darkness.

Its huge, glistening eyeball looks you up and down in audible, wet little twitches before the thing blinks, shakes and finally begins to speak, as though its mind was somewhere else entirely...

...OH, er! AH! My goodnessh... wherever ARE my mannerssh, jussht barging on in like thissh!? You mussht be SSHO confusshed...the sssshtate of the ward hassh undoubtedly sssshifted oncshe again ssshince you would have been briefed...or hassh it? Can't ssssshay I can be sssho schertain from the inssshide!

We'll jusssht have to wing it through your orientasshion!

I'm Doctor Gynnie Sssssshpecula, but I prefer Doctor Gynnie, or jussssht Gynnie! Courssshe, mossht of my patientssh call me "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! WRONG ONE!!!! WRONG ONE!!!!!!!"

Haha, kidding!

....Well, mossshtly kidding.....

......OH, but lisshten to me, prattling on...you haven't got a word in!....Or have you??

Letsssh talk about our WONDERFUL new temporary ssssssshupport ssshhhhtaffer! THAT'SSSH YOU, DEARIE!!!

...It's hard not to think of some huge, disturbing bird as you stare into the yawning "beak." Guess the stork really does deliver babies. Who'd have thought.

Her voice, however, reminds you more of Daffy Duck, if he were somewhat squeakier and shouting into an empty trash can.

Every time her jaw closes, it's with an uncomfortably loud and jarring "clang." Every time it opens, it's with a metallic squeal that buzzes through the air and drills into your very bones.

She spits even more than Lacey.

...By far, not the most annoying boss you've had.

comments powered by Disqus