>Question the Fellow Human
FERN:
I'm sorry, did you say your dog?
I'm sorry, did you say your dog?
???:
Oh boy. You're not from a cats and glogs phase, are you?
Oh boy. You're not from a cats and glogs phase, are you?
FERN:
A what? Um, no, I know what a dog is.
A what? Um, no, I know what a dog is.
???:
You sure? Four legs? Hairy? Sharp teeth? Slobber? Gets my kids to shut up and go outside just barely enough to justify its ongoing existence?
You sure? Four legs? Hairy? Sharp teeth? Slobber? Gets my kids to shut up and go outside just barely enough to justify its ongoing existence?
FERN:
Right, right, gotcha, actual dog. So um...you are another human, then? Sorry, I, don't see a whole lot of them.
Right, right, gotcha, actual dog. So um...you are another human, then? Sorry, I, don't see a whole lot of them.
???:
Yeah, I'd imagine you wouldn't right now. Ha.
Yeah, I'd imagine you wouldn't right now. Ha.
FERN:
The last one I met said some pretty bad stuff about home.
The last one I met said some pretty bad stuff about home.
???:
Oh, it's a wreck. Class 6 Meat Moss scenario, easy.
Oh, it's a wreck. Class 6 Meat Moss scenario, easy.
FERN:
And...your family?
And...your family?
???:
I dunno, red slugs somewhere? It'll sort itself out...it always does. You new to this or something?
You sure you work here?
I dunno, red slugs somewhere? It'll sort itself out...it always does. You new to this or something?
You sure you work here?
FERN:
Oh, of course! See it...all the time! Crazy stuff! Weird as hell, right?! Just, I mean, this seems pretty bad, doesn't it? I'd be pretty worried about my kids, if, uh, if it were me.
Oh, of course! See it...all the time! Crazy stuff! Weird as hell, right?! Just, I mean, this seems pretty bad, doesn't it? I'd be pretty worried about my kids, if, uh, if it were me.
???:
Sigh. Yeah. You just branchinated. Great. No wonder I been sitting here 908 layers.
You remember when they misplaced the whole concept of heads? No? How about when air and mucus switched roles? The Egghead harvests? Fisheye storms? The time the sun went perceptive and thought planets were trying to steal its soul? It's always something, and it almost always sorts out. I guess I'm "lucky" Bologna got sick and made me miss the bullcrap this time.
Sigh. Yeah. You just branchinated. Great. No wonder I been sitting here 908 layers.
You remember when they misplaced the whole concept of heads? No? How about when air and mucus switched roles? The Egghead harvests? Fisheye storms? The time the sun went perceptive and thought planets were trying to steal its soul? It's always something, and it almost always sorts out. I guess I'm "lucky" Bologna got sick and made me miss the bullcrap this time.
FERN:
...Okay...you're right. I really have no idea what you're talking about.
I'm just trying to help everyone here best I can. And, I mean...what if this is one of the times it doesn't "sort out?"
...Okay...you're right. I really have no idea what you're talking about.
I'm just trying to help everyone here best I can. And, I mean...what if this is one of the times it doesn't "sort out?"
???:
...
...Then it's the new normal, hon. You roll with it.
Either mom takes the dog home to her kids after all this or a flesh pillar takes her jelly ball home to her red slugs. Maybe a jelly ball won't crap on my couch anymore.
...
...Then it's the new normal, hon. You roll with it.
Either mom takes the dog home to her kids after all this or a flesh pillar takes her jelly ball home to her red slugs. Maybe a jelly ball won't crap on my couch anymore.
FERN:
...I see...
...I see...
???:
You're still worried.
Look, I know this isn't a picnic for you either, it's just been a long-ass time since I got an update on Bologna, and even once I do, I'm still gonna have to sit around here waiting for either the end of the quarantine or the end of reality. It's gonna suck. There's only so many times you can read the same classic.
Just, if you can find out where they shuffled our tick magnet off to, it'd be nice to at least have that off my mind, right? My kids would murder me. Literally murder me. Red slugs or otherwise.
You're still worried.
Look, I know this isn't a picnic for you either, it's just been a long-ass time since I got an update on Bologna, and even once I do, I'm still gonna have to sit around here waiting for either the end of the quarantine or the end of reality. It's gonna suck. There's only so many times you can read the same classic.
Just, if you can find out where they shuffled our tick magnet off to, it'd be nice to at least have that off my mind, right? My kids would murder me. Literally murder me. Red slugs or otherwise.
FERN:
Of course. I'll definitely see what I can do...miss?
Of course. I'll definitely see what I can do...miss?
CHERYL:
Cheryl.
You seem alright. You need any pointers, let me know.
Cheryl.
You seem alright. You need any pointers, let me know.
