|Scrapbook of Horrors IV|
|Another load of garbage too big for a log entry and too stupid for their own individual articles...it's the Scrapbook of Horrors!!!|
|Nintendo Power "Star Tropics" enemy art (CLICK TO ENLARGE)|
| Star Tropics was a strange, strange game. With both action and roleplaying elements, it sent a pre-teen boy on a trek through the subterranean underworld of "C-Island" to rescue his uncle from legions of undead horrors, mutant ostriches, space invaders and killer mudskippers - which excited me to no end as the only child at the time who not only knew what mudskippers were, but thought they were exactly as cool as Nintendo.
This fascinating enemy art, completely different from that in the game's manual, accompanied part one of the game's walk-through in "Nintendo Power" magazine. Sadly, the follow-up issue had no exclusive art at all, which I wouldn't discover until I tracked it down on ebay. These scans come not from my original copy of the magazine, but from one I was all-too-thrilled to find a few years back in a used bookstore.
|This amazing little piece-together candy toy (sold, like "Choco Vaders", in balls of chocolate) re-creates the famous historical encounter between an aging spider-man and a band of drunken hooligans from the sea of Barsoom. At least, that's what I get out of it, but your mileage may vary. The interesting thing about this is that it's yet another example of the standard Japanese "martian", which can be seen in hundreds of japanese movies and videogames wherever flying saucers abound.|
|Ghostbusters "Sludge Bucket" Gooper Ghost|
| I have a confession to make:
When I was a child, I was TERRIFIED of slime. It didn't matter if it was in a cartoon show or in a gooey mess of He-man figures, anything gooey and gelatinous made me gag on-sight until I was at least eight or nine years old. I couldn't touch it, look at it, or even think about it without feeling sick, and don't even get me started on blood - something so horrific that my frail little mind couldn't possibly come up with anything scarier, as evidenced by my early attempt at an image of incomprehensible terror.
And yet, at the same time, I was drawn to slimy toys like a moth to a flame, and nothing on the shelves of "Kiddie City" called out to me more than the Sludge Bucket "Gooper Ghost", one of three giant, plastic ghouls who existed only to make a horrible mess of your parents' carpeting.
Somehow, I would end up owning both other ghosts from an early age but never even see a real-live "Sludge Bucket" out of its box until the wonders of ebay, and while he's quite a bit smaller than I thought he was back in the day, his weird design and even weirder function continues to amaze. And what function is that, you ask? Just read the Sludge Bucket instruction pamphlet...in page one and page two flavors!
Interestingly/distressingly enough, a google search for "Sludge Bucket" brings up a completely bat-shit-insane religious fundamentalist article on the evils of...well, pretty much everything I stand for. Let's hope that this Bogleech "scrapbook" entry starts to come up higher in the list.
Sludge bucket. Sludge bucket, Sludge Bucket, Sludge Bucket!
|Insane Wal-Mart note|
|This crazy message was found "attached" to a gumball-machine at Wal-mart with "scotch tape" back in 2002, and "continues" to amuse me from "its place" on the wall "of" my bedroom. A few "people" from various "webforums" attempted to contact "the person", but were met with tragically "boring responses" that never "went anywhere". I doubt the e-mail is "still" active, but feel free to "give it" a shot "yourself" and let "me know" how it works out for you!|
|Donald Duck comic wherein Donald helps a scientist make a monster out of fungus and doesn't know that the monster was comissioned by Uncle Scrooge to scare Donald out of his house so Scrooge can pave it over for a factory and Scrooge doesn't know that Donald is friends with the scientist ad hilarity..|
|....What more can I say?|
|Politically Incorrect "Janine Melnitz" Action Figure|
| Another ghostbusters toy, and this one from my original collection that lay forgotten in a toolshed for nearly a decade before its rediscovery. Many of the human figures in the original line had what the packaging called "fright features": comical button-activated reactions to eerie paranormal phenomena that ran the full gamut from pop-out eyeballs to dropping jaws and crazy, spinning heads.
But of all the hilariously inappropriate features to come out with, this "screaming" Janine figure easily wins itself the hilariously inappropriate first-place trophy. Wind her up at the waist, press the button on her back, and her legs spin around to throw up her cloth skirt and flash her grandma undies at your impressionable little mind.
|Mighty Max "Zomboid" mini playset|
| A bad-assed toy line with a bad-assed (but barely related) cartoonshow , "Mighty Max" brought kids more nightmareish horror than had ever been crammed into a single toy line, featuring killer cyborgs, vampiric fly-people, giant eyeballs and mutant dinosaurs with as much blood and gore as a children's franchise could allow...which was actually quite a bit in the good old days. This particular set, one of the smaller ones, was part of the original collection and the first I ever got my hands on. When opened, the gruesome "Zomboid" head reveals a googly-eyed brain and a big, bloody centipede bent on devouring our relatively tiny hero (not shown because I probably lost him within minutes of opening the thing and probably didn't care). Never before has so much of my subconcious been personified in such a compact package, and I doubt it ever will be again.
Click the comic for a bigger version, but don't expect Shakespeare.
|Wolf with a Gun|
| Step aside, "Snakes on a Plane", Wolf with a Gun just might have you in his sinister sights! This ridiculous toy accompanied some generic action hero figure from the dollar store that I probably lost because I probably only bought it for his asinine companion.
But if you think a wolf with a gun is equal parts frightening and bewildering, I doubt anything can prepare you for our next little enigma from the exact same toy line...
|Rhinoceros with a Gun|
| In a strange way, I can wrap my brain around a gun-toting rhinoceros much more than I can understand the wolf factor. Maybe it's the tank-like body plan that rhinoceri already have, or maybe I'm just insane.
What's really incredible, however, is that this obviously full-grown rhinoceros is exactly as large as the wolf...
|...WHO WILL WIN THE ULTIMATE WAR?|