's 2013 Horror Write-off:

"House of Cheese"

Submitted by David Haire

Little Larry Lived in a house made of cheese.

He could play as he liked and eat when he pleased.

The house would grow back should he take a bite.

So he was never unsheltered on a cold winter’s night.

One day he came to a queer little door

That led to a stairwell deep in the floor.

He followed it down and came to a hall.

It was drippy and dank and claustrophobically small.

He crawled through the gloom ‘till he heard a sound:

A strange keening howl welling up through the ground.

He came to a hatch and looked out of the grill

And what he saw bellow made him dreadfully ill.

Bellow was a cow misshapen and wrong.

By the state of the room it had been there quite long.

It was strapped in tight to a cheese-making machine.

In its mouth was a pipe hooked to Larry’s latrine.

This sad little bovine was in a state of decay

For malnutrition had sapped its strength right away.

It looked up with its eyes discolored and pale.

Looked right at Larry and let out a wail.

Little Larry climbed down, his heart full of dread,

And in a fit of mercy drove a spike through its head

Larry fled from his home and never looked back

At the house made of cheese and the cheese made of crap.