's 2013 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by Dandelion Steph

January 1, 2012

Today my finger fell off.

That was fine. I had nine others.

February 1, 2012

Today my toe fell off. That was fine. It was a malformed toe anyway.

March 1, 2012

Today my ear fell off while I was cooking pasta. I scooped the ear out of the pot and put it on a napkin. I removed the earring and then put it back in.

I really like cartilage.

April 1, 2012

Today part of my nose fell off. Not the whole nose. Just the ugly part. I thought about eating it, but noses have boogers and boogers taste gross. So I put it in a jar with my finger and toe.

May 1, 2012

Today all my hair fell out. That's really convenient. Now I don't have to pay for a haircut.

June 1, 2012

Today I went to the beach with Grandma. She forgot to apply enough sunscreen on her back, and her back was sunburned. She told me it hurt.

She said she liked how her new back wasn't wrinkly anymore. Her back smells nice.

July 1, 2012

I had a treat for the fourth of July! A big leg of meat. It tasted like pork. I had to remove the hairy skin first. The skin was too gross for a scarf, so I put it in a jar.

August 1, 2012

Today I visited my grandfather. He likes it when I visit him. He said he couldn't see me well because his old eyes were failing him. I gave him a new, better eye. It was fresh.

He was very happy. Now he can read the paper without squinting.

September 1, 2012

Today, I rubbed my eyes when I was still groggy with sleep. My eyelashes really do look like a doll's.

October 1, 2012

Today I put up Halloween decorations. I couldn't find the skeleton arm decoration. It was really convenient I had a replacement. The neighbors say it's even scarier than a skeleton arm.

November 1, 2012

Today I ate a tasty dinner. I braised it and added sage. People spend a lot of money on lipstick. Now I can save money.

Some people eat cow's lips. I want to try that now.

December 1, 2012

Today I made a friend. She was in the nurse's office. She was really sad. She said she took a terrible fall while playing football and broke one of her legs, and she couldn't play on the team anymore.

The next day, the coach put her back on the team. All her friends on the team complimented her on the new freckles on one of her legs.