's 2013 Horror Write-off:

" Dick Journal "

Submitted by Maxx Mann


8:00 PM
I've decided to do something about my dick. Mama always told me that what mattered wasn't size, but what you did with it, but I can't really do much with it at the moment. It's like a third testicle.


4:22 PM
Sent away for some pills. The shop had overwhelmingly positive reviews. In fact, not a single review was lower than five stars. Kind of wish they didn't call it penis "enhancement" though. I'm not enhancing anything, I just want it to be big enough to actually qualify as one.


5:45 PM
Maybe this was a bad idea. I got an email from them thanking me for my "perchas". That was it. Just "thank you for you're perchas". No punctuation or logo or even a return address.


4:22 PM
Found a package on my doorstep. It was a single unwrapped, glossy cardboard box with "thank" written on it in blue marker. The contents were a single, dark blue, rubbery object shaped like a large egg. Just sort of rolling around unprotected. What do I do with this?

4:27 PM
I cut it in half to make it more manageable. Brown powder is everywhere. Pill seems to have "swelled" where I cut it, resulting in two misshapen objects that I think are bigger than the original pill.

4:32 PM
Fuck it. I just chewed them. No taste, felt like styrofoam.


6:12 AM
Christmas came early! The pill worked, my dick actually looks normal now. Still "below average" I guess but I'm not a freak any more. I'm gonna try masturbating.

What the hell whao hopt shit.

Didn't know semen was pink.


6:00 PM
Woke up way too late, missed work. Weird, white, gluey liquid all over bedspread. What the hell is this stuff?

6:01 pM
FUCKING HELL I'M HUGE oh wow that pill really worked I'm like three times as big and twice as wide I gotta measure thi

6:01 PM
Six inches! Have a weird vein on the left side though. Veins are normal right? But are they supposed to pulse visibly?


2:09 AM
This is't normal it shouldn't be this logn

7:00 PAM
I haven't been to work since my last entry. I can't keep the fucking thing in my pants. Tried tying it around my waist but it kept unravelling. Have to carry most of it in a bucket.

66:00 M
ahah dick cup


I swear this thing weighs more than me. I feel a bit weaker than before. Hungry too. I cooked a small hill of bacon. I'm impressed.

I think my dicke is higher up than before. Where's my belly button?

12:1`2 pm
I dropped one of the bacon pieces into the bucket and now I cna't find it.


Had to attach wheels to the bin. I can't lift it any more. I feel nauseous all the time. Most of my time is spent dry heaving into the toilet.




9/11 PM
I saw myself in the mirror today. Why is my skin grey. Who face is that.

10:22 PM

I took it out of the bucket.

I shouldn't have.

I should have just cut it of.

It's like an elephant's foot. It covered in holes. They're breathing. Every time they open I can see something vibrating inside. My cock is fucking disgusting.


swet baebi


8:00 PM
Merry Christmas.


bie bie babby

siii u l8r

i lov u babi


11:11 Am.

The surgery was a success. I feel so much better. I cannot find my journal though. The nice doctor said that my neighbor heard screaming and called someone. Apparently I was starving myself and self harming. Pretty heavy stuff. I guess work was stressing me out.

11:22 Am.

Also I do not have a penis anymore. They gave me a little hole that works pretty good and that is all you really need, really. Apparently I am not allowed to have children anymore. That is okay, I hate babies. I hate them so much.

11:33 Am.

The doctors said I can leave tommorrow. I am happy. I

I hate babie

Why did you do this to me, baby.

11:44 Am.

Doctor had a baby. It was bigger than mine. Tasted like bacon.

11:55 Am.

Bus time!

11:66 Am.

The new hospital is very nice. The walls are soft and the doctors are not rude, they bring me lots of medicine. They told me that these doctors do not have babies. That is good.

Babies are fucking disgusting.