's 2013 Horror Write-off:

" Haunted Games "

Submitted by Pyro Gibberish

I am in a dark room, a basement perhaps, illuminated only by the light of my computer screen. I've been here all day, but I doubt anybody noticed I was gone. Does anybody even appreciate what I do?

Tears of blood. Satanic imagery. Characters killing characters. The game knowing your name. You think all that shit just happens? Of course not. There are people all over who work hard at that.

Sometimes I stop hacking the games and try to check my email, have a snack, take a nap, whatever. I never can. You know why? Every fucking time I'm stopped by G'tho-lihau'rtne, the eternal baron of the seventeen halls of the doomed, or more accurately, the eternal baron of pettiness.

Seriously, what the hell kind of reality-devouring abomination haunts game cartridges? Is that some new thing? I guess I don't get it. After all, when you can cause plagues with your index tentacle, is it really that important to make the background music run backwards in every goddamn game ever?

His Infinite Horror isn't even trying to be creative anymore. Ooh, blood. Fucking scary. Wait, what's that? The game said your name? Holy shit, it's not like every new-age abomination this side of Jun'gilli-ah has done that.

I told him that once, called his petty, eye-covered ass out for just jumping on the video game bandwagon. Guess who ended up bleeding out of every orifice for two months afterwards? Fuckin' prick. It wasn't two minutes before he had me start making the Unown spell U R A DIE again or some shit like that.

Does he even need me? These people'll find creepy in anything. G'tho-lihau'rtne could just make Link have black hair and those internet yokels he targets would still write about how it gave them terrible nightmares.

I can barely recall my life before I was recruited, even though it couldn't have been that long ago. My only vivid memories are of this room and that screen, turning all the water in Super Mario World into blood with one click and making a Creeper apologize with another.

Can I ever stop? No, of course not. Because big Mr. Demon-Monster over there is too busy inspiring serial killers to learn how to hack roms. One might think the serial killer thing is enough for an extradimensional monstrosity, but I guess that backwards Lavender Town theme is too sinister and eldritch to only use ten thousand times.

How long will I have to keep this up? Until they wise up, probably. Until they realize that maybe it's a bad idea to download roms from sketchy black-background crappy-English sites, or buy their scratched-up, poorly-labelled cartridges from that new shop run by the old man who says everything in the most mysterious way possible.

Fuck it. Well, there's one hack done. I wonder what my next one will be? Minecraft, Mario, Zelda, or Pokemon? Apparently these horrifying monsters are big on those games, because it seems like they're the only ones they ever haunt.

You know what? I don't need to take this. Why should I spend my whole life making shitty "creepy" versions of games for some weird-ass Cthulhu-type son of a bitch on the off chance that internet people'll find them and get their souls trapped forever.

Yeah, fuck G'tho-lihau'rtne! I'm gonna go resign right now!


sory if my typong is a but off.

he tok out mt eyes

on to tje nect rom

what a fuvkin prick