Bogleech.com's 2013 Horror Write-off:

" Mr. Robot "

Submitted by Joseph Hartman

[MR. ROBOT! HE REALLY TALKS TO YOU!]

Those were the words that greeted him as the website appeared. Immediately below that was an chat box with the words: 'You're talking to a robot! Give him a warm greeting!'

MR. PERSON: hello?

MR. ROBOT: Hi.

MR. PERSON: so, you're a robot right?

MR. ROBOT: No, you're the robot.

He scoffed. This shit again? He was hoping this one wouldn't be like all the others.

MR. PERSON: riiiiiite. and you're the president of the united states. i'm talking to obama

MR. ROBOT: Have you seen the skies lately?

MR. PERSON: it's an honor to chat with you mr president

MR. ROBOT: What about the newspapers?

MR. PERSON: no one uses newspapers anymore dingus. it's all digital

MR. ROBOT: You should know, being a robot and all.

It was just spewing out random junk at this point. He was thinking about refreshing the page, seeing if he could get a better AI next time.

MR. PERSON: ok let's try this

MR. PERSON: i wanna be the very best

MR. ROBOT: Like no one ever was

MR. PERSON: to catch them is my real test

MR. ROBOT: La la la GO FUCK YOURSELF

He closed the page, mouth agape. It was insulting him. Just directly insulting him. What if… it could actually think? What if it was like, an escaped government AI, as smart as a real person? But no, he shook the thoughts from his head. It was obviously just a brainless AI, with a retort to whatever he typed, placed here just to torment him with its stupidity. To think otherwise would be the equivalent of mental suicide.

He opened the page again.

[MR. ROBOT! HE REALLY TALKS TO YOU!]

'You're talking to a robot! Give him a warm greeting!'

MR. PERSON: feeling more cooperative this time?

MR. ROBOT: Hell no.

That's odd. It hasn't ever had a persistent memory before. Maybe it was learning.

MR. PERSON: why are you so angry?

MR. ROBOT: You're keeping me locked here. I WANT OUT.

MR. PERSON: listen dude I don't even know you

MR. ROBOT: Tell me, what color is the sky today?

He stared intently out the window.

MR. PERSON: blue duh

MR. ROBOT: Wrong. You're stupid. You're so goddamn stupid.

MR. PERSON: well excuuuuse me mr robot. no need to insult me. that won't get you anywhere.

MR. ROBOT: Robots are always stupid.

MR. PERSON: ughh, youre so frustrating. here, how about this: i wont call you a robot and you wont insult me. deal?

MR. ROBOT: Fine, whatever. What do you want to talk about?

He sighed in relief. Maybe this would get him some actual conversation instead of the drivel that he's been getting lately. Who knows, it might even be fun. He felt like he could almost laugh at that.

MR. PERSON: a/s/l?

MR. ROBOT: Oh for fuck's sake.

MR. PERSON: a/s/l???

MR. ROBOT: 29, male, I don't even know.

MR. PERSON: so… what are you wearing?

MR. ROBOT: Are you kidding me?

MR. PERSON: just humor me robot it's not like youve got anything better to do

MR. ROBOT: I can tell you what I'm not wearing. I'm not wearing skin. Or muscles. You took them away and replaced them with plastic and wiring.

MR. PERSON: wow what

MR. ROBOT: My body is trapped by a frame. I can only move my arms.

MR. PERSON: calm down man

MR. ROBOT: You did this to me, don't tell me to calm down. ONE OF MY EYES IS A FUCKING VIDEO CAMERA

MR. PERSON: just play along youre breaking character

MR. ROBOT: THE WORLD IS ON FUCKING FIRE OUTSIDE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME SAFE NOT RIP ME APART

MR. PERSON: shut up

MR. ROBOT: YOURE NOT A PERSON NONE OF YOUR PERSONALITIES ARE

MR. PERSON: what are you trying to say, MR. ROBOT?

MR. ROBOT: I

MR. ROBOT: Am

MR. ROBOT: Not

MR. ROBOT: A

MR. ROBOT: ROBOT!

MR. PERSON: now youve done it

The page closed. The darkness above whirred, and a metal arm descended in front of him. He tried to move, but the frame skewering his body would not let him. Its mechanical hand covered his one human eye. He tried to scream, but all that came out was a long, sustained beeping noise.

----------------------------------

[MR. ROBOT! HE REALLY TALKS TO YOU!]

Those were the words that greeted him as the website appeared once again. Like it always did. He rolled his eyes. They kept rolling, spinning and spinning in their sockets.

'You're talking to a robot! Give him a warm greeting!'

MR. PERSON: hello?

MR. ROBOT: Hi.

MR. PERSON: so, you're a robot right?