Bogleech.com's 2013 Horror Write-off:
" Pandora "
Submitted by Prophet Storm
Pandora Probe Two Duty Log 46-B
Last official investigation of the astral body Moreau-37
Following this entry, Moreau-37 passed behind the Asteroid belt for another orbit. On its return, it is to be demolished with three six-teraton matter-antimatter bombs. No further manned expeditions planned.
ALPHA: Alpha, checking in.
BRAVO: Bravo, checking in.
CHARLIE: Charlie, checking in.
ALPHA: Careful, fellows. The last party that went in didn't came out.
CHARLIE: That's why they gave us these!
(CHARLIE gestures with e-laser rifle.)
BRAVO: Careful with that!
BASE: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, check-in confirmed. You are cleared for investigation. Good luck, good battle, goodbye.
BRAVO: Let's hope that's not a one-way goodbye.
(Several minutes go by without speech or incident. Phosphorescent glow over the next hill stimulates conversation.)
ALPHA: What's that?
CHARLIE: Rifles ready.
BRAVO: You love that thing way too much.
ALPHA: Follow me, on my mark. Three...Two...One...Now!
BRAVO: What the?!
CHARLIE: Do we shoot it?
ALPHA: Not immediately. Base, do you see what I'm seeing?
BASE: Affirmative, Alpha. Camera ready.
ALPHA: Camera ready.
BASE: Got 'em. Proceed.
Addendum: Description of Moreau-37 photograph 1316
Photograph depicts typical Moreau-37 landscape. Consists of barren rock, of a mineral not known on Earth. Large amounts of metallic ore of an unknown composition readily visible in rock specimens. Three extraterrestrial carbon-based life forms, unknown origin, and one readily identifiable satellite lander (Pandora Probe)
Life forms appear humanoid in basic shape (Head, central thorax, four primary limbs with accessory digits) though bones do not appear to be present. Muscular system greater than a human's appears evident, and straight (skeletal) muscle appears to bind to cartilege or a similar component. Creatures appear hairless, though human- or subhuman-level skin hairs may be present. Creatures are quadrupeds, their hind legs longer than their forelegs, implying a former bipedal nature. Creatures do not wear any clothing, and have skins of mottled, varying tones of pinks, reds and blues. Creatures' brains appear to be close beneath the skin of their scalps, and veins stand out on their heads. One of them appears to be wearing a fabric cape over its back. Their eyes glow red, although actual luminosity cannot be differentiated from the camera's flash. -- ALPHA: Attempt communication?
BASE: If no hostile moves are made.
ALPHA: Proceed, fellows.
(Bravo puts his weapon down and waves amiably. Creatures remain static, staring at Alpha in particular.)
BRAVO: Buzzkills. These guys seem a little spacey.
CHARLIE: Ha, ha, Bravo.
BRAVO: Wait...I made a pun, didn't I?
ALPHA: One we should shoot you for. External speakers on.
(Alpha turns his external speakers on and places his weapon on the ground. As he speaks, he gestures to the extraterrestrials.)
ALPHA: Greetings. Do you understand English?
(The interpreted 'leader' of the extraterrestrials, the one with the fabric cape, raises a foreleg and appears to nod.)
CHARLIE: Take a while to get used to that accent.
(Charlie places weapon on the ground, makes 'peace' sign with gun hand.)
CHARLIE: So, we come in peace, we wanna learn about you.
(ET2 mimicks the 'peace' gesture with some difficulty. Digits do not appear useful; when raised upright they fall limp. Most likely accessory or vestigial from former structure abandoned by natural or artificial means.)
ALPHA: Can you understand what we are saying?
ET1: Hyu...yoooou are hyu-manss.
ALPHA: That's right! Hey, guys, these critters can speak English!
(Alpha approaches ET1 and extends a hand.)
ALPHA: That's right. Shake it.
(ET1 shakes hands with Alpha with right foreleg. Digits appear to grasp Alpha's fingers firmly. Though awkward, the handshake appears to be a known concept.)
ALPHA: Hey, what's the cape?
ET1: I aaam...Alf Leeed.
ALPHA: Alf Leeed, huh? This says...
(ALPHA looks at the shoulder of ET1's cape and freezes.)
ALPHA: Guys! It says 'NASA' here!
ET1: NASSSS! BETRAAYYYYY USSSS... USE USSSS... MUSSST NOT GOO BAAACK!
(ET1 grows agitated and tackles Alpha. Human mandible structure visible as it tears at the neck of Alpha's environmental suit.)
ET2: Yoooou come from Nassss?
BRAVO: Holy crap, they're killing Alpha Leader! Base, pick us up, now!
BASE: Evacuation impossible. Loss acceptable. Good luck, men.
BRAVO: You can't just... Holy crap, here they come!
(Hitherto unseen ETs emerge from behind rocks and camouflaged holes. Some wear scraps of spacesuit fabric of terrestrial origin. Bravo and Charlie pick up their guns again and start shooting. The ETs bleed red.)
CHARLIE: What the heck, Bravo?! What are these things?
BRAVO: Alf Leeed--behind you, Charlie!
CHARLIE: WHAT ARE THEY?
BRAVO: ALF LEEED WAS THE ALPHA LEADER. PANDORA PROBE ONE, CHARLIE!
CHARLIE: THESE GUYS ARE--BRAVO, HELP!
(Charlie is taken down by ET1 from behind. Alpha isn't moving.)
ALPHA: Base...Baaase! I feel so..so weird!
BRAVO: Can you move, Alpha?
ALPHA: My bones...I think my bones are going away...
CHARLIE: Bravo! HELP! He--
(Charlie's helmet is smashed in by an ET with a rock. His head follows suit.)
BRAVO: Alpha, they got Charlie! Can you move?!
ALPHA: Nasss...Betraaayyy Ussss...
BRAVO: Oh CRAP!
ET1: ALF LEEED TO BAAAAAAAASE!
BRAVO: Bravo to base. Mission ends here. Alpha has just become a permanent addition to Moreau-37. Bravo out. All the way out.
Classified information end. Registry date: 10/16/1945