Bogleech.com's 2013 Horror Write-off:
" The Boxes: Super Happy Funland "
Submitted by Samuel MillerThe Boxes: Super Happy Funland I wandered around for a time, in this empty colourless wasteland, before noticing a strange, gangly man in a suit off in the distance. He approached me, and when he got close, I noticed he had an impossibly long smile, almost plastered on his pale, noseless face, pull taught by hooks in the corners, connected to small, floating zeppelins painted with exagerrated smiley faces. when he approached me, he said "I am the Ticket-giver. I give tickets." He then handed me a small, reddish piece of paper, labeled "ONE USE-Super Happy Funland". He then rasped out " Go to the Ticket-taker to use it." He then shambled away, far beyond the horizon. I then felt compelled to move to the right, which I did. Beyond me and to the right was a pinkish wall with posters plastered upon it. Those posters advertised attractions, clowns, freaks, rides, and food. Near them, at about 5 feet, was a tall, thin man in a suit, with another garish, haunting smil, behind a counter. His hooks were connected to the ceiling, and were pulling his whole head back slightly. He leaned forward as much as he could manage when I neared, and gasped out in a raspy, high voice, sounding as though pulled down with strain, "Tickets...." He then held out a thin, bony claw of a hand, and I placed my ticket gently in his rickety claws. He then stated a thank you in his strange, strained voice, and bent down to pull a lever coated in dirt and grime from behind the counter. I then heared a grating screech, as two very large gates were open in front of me. I ambled inside of this towering, clowny fortress, and began my existance in the horrible themepark that is Super Happy Funland.
In summary, Super Happy Funland isn't that strange within. It has tents with clowns in them, racous rollercoasters, small, amusing "kiddie-rides", large restaurants, and many attractions. No, it was three things that were very off-putting about the place. The first of these three abominable things was the colouration. The place is very faded, otherwise having normal colouration for an amusement park. The second of these beastly, horrible happenings is that every, single parkgoer that shambles, ambles, and crawls about the place has those same, horrifying smiles, all from a different implement. Some have strange blocks of wood with hooks, that pull back the entire face, creating a strange, pained faux-smile, while others simply have cuts at the corners of their faces, forming a smile whether they were truly happy or not, and even then, others have hooks , just like those of the Ticket-giver and Ticket-taker, so that those individuals cannot move from their spot. The third of these evil things that occurs within these walls is that, they are all always happy. Even though some of them should really be in pain at the moment, because of injuries, or simply because something that would truly make a person sad, whenever you ask any of them about their emotions, they are always insanely happy.
I visited several of the attractions at the park today and yesterday. They were all mediocre at best, and at worst, they were completely awful, with props made out of cardboard, 0 dimensional characters, and simply awful storylines. I don't know why everybody else finds these so amazing. At night, when I am able to go to sleep, I see writing. I don't hear voices, I see writing. They use english letters, but say gibberish phrases, such as Maurii is kimminisd, o haudo jauvkaurd!, and kuk'd kuthruukt. I have no idea what these mean.
I am very unhappy. I am nowhere. I am everywhere. I am in a room, and I am the room. A light shines down upon my face, and I am happy. For once, I am happy. I feel all of my memories fade out of my brain as I am shown a large, screen-like object. I stare into its inky blackness, and it turns on. It shows me happy images. It shows me pictures of happiness. I really like the one with the kitten being eaten by the horribly-overused-plot device! There are pictures of a circus, with badly made characters in it, and with the gorey shadows of 1000 suns! It is pure happiness! The last of my memories drains out of my brain as I .......
I burst back into reality. I look down at my two empty nubs at the ends of my very useful stalks, and reminiscent about the happenings of what that one individual of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens was experiencing at the time. I shudder as several motes of duste move in the corner. I notice those because I have been assigned to only pay attention to objects with more than 5 molecules in them. I could only imagine the fate of that one individual when I was pushed out of his brain by some unknown force. I am only enscribing what he remarked on because I had chosen to inhabit an individual's brain for a while, as several electrical impulses in their brain. I look down at my tripodal body and use an emotion assigned as Emote
Recorded on this day of 13:456:78:2333, by Funhysai Gahsik Njuik, on the
material of metal plates.