Bogleech.com's 2013 Horror Write-off:

" The GPS Voice "

Submitted by Vortan

I’ve always had a problem with driving. I know how to drive; I just never really know how to get places. I can’t read a map or directions and drive at the same time. This is really bad because my job involves a lot of traveling. If only I had someone sitting in the car with me, telling me when and where to turn, it wouldn’t be a problem.

This is why I love my GPS turn by turn assistant. It takes care of that for me. All I have to do is wait for its order, and then take care to turn or go straight or whatever else it wants me to do. I’ve gotten so used to the thing; I just focus completely on the driving, and shut out most of the world around me. Probably not the safest thing to do, but it works out just fine.

My girlfriend hates the damn thing and the hold it has over me. That’s why she loves to play tricks on me. Every few trips I make, she changes the set voice on it. Sometimes it will be the regular voice, sometimes a character voice (like SpongeBob or some shit). One voice was this very sexy woman. I had a real hard time focusing on driving.

I was running late this morning, and I had a seven hour trip ahead of me. I turned on the GPS and in put the address. “Turn onto Mill park Drive, yuk yuk yuk!”

I stopped for a moment. A clown? A damn clown? What the hell is wrong with her? I was running late as it was, and I had no time to run in and change the voice. I guess I would just have to deal with it.

This voice was the most annoying thing I’ve ever dealt with, and I would have to deal with it for seven hours. It always ended everything with that awful laugh. And the puns, oh god the puns. Every few directions it would make these groan inducing circus puns. I focused on the driving then more than ever. It was the only way I could stay sane.

I was in a real trance when a few bumps in the road finally snapped me out of it. I had no idea where I was. I knew the conference wasn’t going to be held at some vacant lot down a dirt road. I pulled over where the GPS told me to, then I picked it up, to see what was wrong with it.

Maybe I hadn’t updated it in a while? Maybe the address was wrong? Maybe downloading that voice corrupted the thing? It was none of these. The damn thing wasn’t even plugged in anymore. It was off, and probably had been for a while.

Just then, the clown that had been sitting in my back seat had sat up. “You have now arrived at your destination, yuk yuk yuk!”