Bogleech.com's 2013 Horror Write-off:

"Today Will be a Fun Day"

Submitted by Kieran Haines

Today will be a fun day.

A FUN DAY FOR ALL.

I’m going to the carnival to have some fun. No one would mind. Not many people are left to stop me. The uninfected people are scared. They’re all too frail and weak to try to stop my onslaught. While trying to keep back those who can stop me. Yet, those who can stopped me are too busy in other affairs.

OR SHOULD I SAY, TOO BUSY EATING.

I approach the depressing entrance and I stare at the gloomy land behind it. Rides stick out of the refuse covered land like the carcass of a long dead dinosaur. There are brown and red stains on the fence around the once grand carnival, reluctantly spewed onto the fence by someone, not smeared onto the white walls as part of a childish prank. No, these instances of faeces were spewed. My Nike trainers sink slightly in the mud and I adjust my footing to get a better view, getting as close to the entrance as I can without touching the barbed wire that protects the forbidden “sanctuary” within.

WHO PUT THIS WIRE UP?!
I NEED TO GET IN.
I MUST HAVE MY FUN.

I pinch the metal wire between its sharp barbs and start to pull. My arms strain and my Batman t-shirt lifts slightly, revealing a peek of pure, virgin flesh to those who wish to look at it. I start to slip in the mud yet I do not stop. I can hear the creaking of the metal. Almost there. But suddenly, I trip and fall to the ground, landing on a twig, stinging my bottom while the “mud” dirties my jeans, leaving huge brown stains on.

NOW I’M ANGRY.

I resume my grip on the temporary barrier and continue pulling, all my strength pulling on this annoyance. *CREEEEEEEAK* The wire gives away and falls to the floor in front of me with a soft clang. I hope nothing heard that, I think to myself as I walk through the entrance, ready to enjoy myself. I approach the first ride, which appears to be a rollercoaster. But half of the track was destroyed long ago by a plane crash, the metal husk sitting before me, no life on board. Aggravated even further, I walk on, trying to find a fun looking ride. But most of them lay in ruins or were covered in that brown sludge.

“Why is this stuff everywhere?” I ask myself, taking a sample upon my fingers before bringing it to my nose. In an instant, I retract my hand as the strange substance smells incredibly vile, one of the most disgusting substances I had ever smelt. I had seen this stuff everywhere recently but I never had the courage to examine it this closely. I can see why now. The only ride that I could see that was clean was the ferris wheel, a creepy monument to the dark times beforehand.

GO, DO IT. I smile with glee as I start to briskly walk towards the looming ferris wheel. I pick up speed, my childish desires taking over my body as well as my mind. As I get closer, I can see its features more clearly. I can see its tall, brightly coloured frame which stands out against the purple sky above. I can see its quaint little carriages which will hopefully carry me around the ride on a journey of fun. I can see the man who has hung himself at the very top of the ride, his bloated corpse swaying in the breeze. I run without a care in the world.

I HEAR SOMETHING.

I quickly turn around as I hear the strange noise behind me. It sounds like someone screaming while farting? Yes, that is definitely flatulence I hear. Amused, I laugh to myself, knowing someone is having a very violent case of diarrhoea. The sounds get louder as my laughter cascades into hysterical giggles. Ignoring the now irrelevant ferris wheel, I begin to run towards the funny sound, which appears to be coming from a decayed public toilet. I quickly ascended the ramp, ignoring the graffiti and brown stains that covered the wall next to me.

NO, TURN BACK YOU IDIOT.

The stalls within are all pristine except for the third one along. That one is very messy.

YOU WILL KILL US ALL.

The flatulence is definitely coming from behind this door. You can see the excitement on my face through my big, cheesy grin.

I HAVE SAVED YOU FROM DEATH AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?

How do I address the door? Do I push it ever so slightly or barge on through like it’s my kingdom, my land? Will I trip on the stream of crap, that is starting to trickle from behind the door and smother my feet?

I WARNED YOU, FUCKWIT.

I press my hands against the surface with glee and slam it open. All my dreams, all the happy flatulent dreams; they are finally coming true. How I have seen envied them. The Mooners. Tracking them was easy; Just follow the brown stain road as I was taught in high school. Now to finally witness one in action. Oh, what delight!

Both the voices in my head and the flatulence has stopped as the stall door swings open. There is silence now but in my head, there is a great orchestral crash. For my happiness is sown into discord as the contents of the stall are revealed; one gory hand, resting just in front of a decaying toilet, covered by the trademark stains of the Mooners that was produced from this slurry of flesh and bone. I drop to my knees in the refuse, grasping at each entrail and glob of smelly brown gloop but there are no clues. No remains. All I can do now is lick the still warm leftovers, saddened as another year gone to waste.

Lifting then from my sad stupor, the murky material in my mouth, I soon turn around to head for the door. No more flatulence, no more Mooners. This wasn’t a fun day, not at all. Was there even any point to coming here?

As if in answer to my question, a lone fart sounds out in the drab bathroom. Knowing that it was not me, my eyes open wide in surprise and almost fear but my mouth and legs won’t listen; the smile on my face driving my trainers to the stall again. I peer at the shit-covered toilet and begin to laugh as brown waste overflows the rim. I continue laughing as the waste becomes akin to an ocean and soaks the ground I stand upon, washing away all the blood so delicately. Gaseous eruption upon gaseous eruption as the Mooner begins to emerge.

The sharp needle like teeth draw my attention first, blossoming from between the common rupture in the otherwise smooth fleshy dome. No eyes in that room except my own as I gleefully watch the creature push itself with its wriggling black tail, trying to push its head outside of the toilet seat rim. I finally see it, the Mooner. The head may be the only organ and quite plain at that but it is still a sight to see as the line between the cheeks of its head furrows and deepens, more teeth emerging. My giggles have stopped but the farting has not. Every needle tooth points towards me. I made a really stupid decision.

YOU AND THIS MOONHEAD BOTH HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON TO KNOW: YOU BOTH HAVE ARSES FOR HEADS.