's 2014 Horror Write-off:

" Five Senses "

Submitted by Rhys Yeatter/Brainyblammer

Our town has been plagued by unfortunate accidents recently. People have suffered traumatic amputations, concussions, strange maladies, and many miscellaneous misfortunes. Hell, I burnt my hand trying to make myself lunch, and mind you it wasn't that burn when you touch hot food, it was a God-damned 2nd degree burn.

Before I continue, it would probably be wise of me to introduce myself. I'm Jerry Cacong. I do general home improvement tasks such as moving in furniture, fixing walls, removing unwanted trees, etc.

Anyway, nobody had a rational explanation as to why all these strange events were happening, other than that they were pure coincidence. And what else would it be, really? (I should probably note that I use the term "rational" because some of the town crazies and crackpots claim it's a curse or a monster or aliens or the Illuminati.)

Then came the day I visited my pal Kevin Liwun. He usually invites me over to his place so we can discuss whatever is on our minds. Sports, politics, stuff like that. Not that it really interests us. A few days back I told him about my lunch incident, and he brought it up when I visited. He claimed that he went around interviewing some of the folks who suffered these strange happenings. He was looking for a pattern.

I should note that Kev was not a skeptic or a believer when it came to the paranormal. He would believe things based on how credible the story is. Simple as that. I'm really not sure if he was trying to find a supernatural link to these incidents of not. He interviewed a hunter who got lost and eventually got caught in his own bear trap, a woman slipped and fell in her bathroom even though there was no water to slip in, and even a couple who contracted the Bubonic Plague from an unknown vector.

His questions were pretty broad, ranging from what I was doing before the incident to what I was even making for lunch. I answered them the best I could before he ended the interview and sent me back home.

I don't know what connection between a hunting accident, an unusual infection, a cooking calamity, and a Life-Alert commercial he was looking for.

Days passed. Somebody fell off their bike driving up a hill, a kid got electrocuted when the wire to his Nintendo 3DS charger snapped, a man got mauled by Old Man Larry's dog, and many more strange incidents and injuries.

Kev called me over to his house again, and he sounded ecstatic. He claims to have discovered a pattern from his research. I rushed over to his place to see what he had come up with. To my surprise, he claimed that all of the incidents involved "invasive senses." You know, sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell? He claimed all of the incidents involved strange feelings. For example, the hunter had hallucinated out of fear when he was lost. The couple who had contracted the Plague had smelt a horrible odor. I even had a bad taste in my mouth before I burnt my hand!

I questioned the relevance though. What rational explanation could come from this pattern? One day I found out. I was called over to remove a few trees in a yard where a new house was being built. Needless to say, I ran into a bit of trouble. One of the trees had an old treehouse with the words "DO NUT ENTEER HEER! BAD STUFF WILL HAPPHEN!" Probably just an old house made by some craphead kids. I entered to find out what I will need to demolish the lair, but right when I entered, something was wrong.

Deadly wrong.

The shape on the inside was totally off from the shape on the outside. On the outside the place was a generic cube of a house, but the inside was a long hallway leading to an intersection. There were five doors to enter. Awful sights, sounds, feelings, smells, and even tastes could be detected.

Screw it, I entered the nearest door. Behind the door was a huge hand, crawling along the ground with its five fingers. Severed at the wrist, flapping, prehensile veins protruded, flapping and flailing, dripping blood.

When I say huge, I should probably note the thing was about 6 feet tall and 10 feet long. There was no way in Heaven or Hell such a thing could even exist. This belief was justified when the abhorrent abomination spoke.


"What the he-"


"Who are-"




"Who are you?"



This creature was not funny. He asked me if I liked petting naked mole rats before I left. I honestly don't know what those are. I was considering what the hell just happened before I even took another step. If it was a dream, it was way too vivid. If I stumbled into an alternate universe, I would like to think it would be slightly less absurd. If I was drunk, my wife would have kicked me out of the house by now. The next room wasn't much better.

In the room was a giant ear, with six devices attached to it at different places. A brown slime was formed in an oval below the creature. Ear wax. Gross. Stranger yet, it formed a strange shape around the front, two long, slender protrusions dangling about at the top and two smaller ones around the bottom. It was the unmistakable shape of a snail's face. The wax was the slug. The ear was the shell.

"Whaddya need sonny, I'm tryin' to listen to radio!" The thingamajig spoke with the voice of an stereotypical elderly man, and its slug face contorted out of sync with its speech.

"What is this place?" "Yer gonna need to speak up, whippersnapper, I can hear everything! And I don't want to turn off one of my six hearing aids to listen to you flap your trap!"


"God-damn kid, you don't need to shout! This place is were the senses dwell. Happy? Good! Now piss off!"


"Yes, how many times must I repeat myself?"

"But what are the senses?"

"What planet are you from, youngster? Sight, sound, smell, touch and taste!"

This creature was unhelpful. I just walked away, to the thing's relief. The next door contained a large blob of flesh, with two green pillars coming from the front. The pillars were intricately detailed, and apparently mimicked human legs. The creature was a nose. With booger legs. Why. The thing didn't speak, so I started the conversation.

"Uh, hi?"

"Hello." The creature spoke with a deep, masculine voice, and occasionally slurred.

"Um, my town..."

"Has been plagued by accidents. I know. It's no coincidence."

"Why is it happening?"

"We're distressed."


"We don't know. The Eye claims he sees the truth, but he's a bit screwloose. We don't talk to him."

"How is your stress causing these accidents?"

"We're trying to communicate by sending sense based stimuli to the inhabitants of your home. It somehow disrupts their thought process, leading to the awful accidents. We keep trying to communicate in hopes that we can one day have a person we can speak too."

"And just who are you?"

"The Nose. I know all the smells from dainty daffodils to the rear-end of a goat."

This creature was the most helpful one yet, but I still figured I should interrogate whatever the embodiment of taste and sight was before I left and told the news. The next room had a huge pair of lips with teeth and a tongue.

"Hi! I know you! My plan was a success!" The thing clattered as I walked in.

"What plan?"

"To communicate with someone! You came here! I gave a bad taste in your mouth! The worst I could find! And trust me, that was difficult when 73% of all things taste like chicken!"

This confused me. Did I enter the treehouse because of this abomination? Was it a coincidence? "Now that you're here, I should introduce myself! I'm the Tongue! I know what everything tastes like! I know what YOU taste like!"

It just occurred to me that the lips weren't moving, but the tongue was flapping and twisting when it talked. "What the Hell, man! I burnt myself because of you!" "Well, you have to make sacrifices. You can leave, I'm satisfied enough that someone actually found me!"

I did just as the thing said. The only one left was sight. I went into the final room. The sight beast was undoubtedly the most horrifying. Its "body" was a winding, spiraling stalk with two "leaves" that were bristled, not unlike a comb. The eye at the end of the stalk was dripping with tears.

"I see everything. I don't want to see everything. Help me. There are too many terrible sights in the world. I see the suffering of beings. I see the demented products of the people. They disturb me. I want it to end. But it won't. It can't."

I couldn't stand to watch this poor thing's misery, but I had to get the answer.

"Why are you distressed?"

"We're alone in the universe. Nobody else knows the appearance of everything, the endless perceivable taste and smells of the world, the harmony and cacophony of sound, or even the soft, yet painful feel of endlessness."

There we have it. I didn't need the details. I needed to get the Hell out of here, preserve this place, and tell the town. I was going to be a hero. But before I could finish opening the door, the creature spoke again.

"Could you help me by lending me your eyes for a moment?"

"Uh, s-sure?"

"Thank you."

The ocular aberration extended its two bristled leaves into spiny tendrils and slowly burrowed into my eyesockets. Hundreds of visions run through my mind as my eyes are plucked from my head.

I see the beauty of creation, and the nightmares of the universe.

I feel so alone.