's 2014 Horror Write-off:

" How to Clean an Old Pot "

Submitted by Zoe Keidong

You have received an old pot in on form or another.

Be it a gift, by thievery, or by the elders.

The pot needs to be cleaned, to see what it can cook.

Fill the pot up with water between the two bolts connecting the handle to the bowl.

Set your stovetop to various degrees of high settings depending on your elevation.

(Note: I have not tested this on electric stoves, nor do I suggest it.)

If instead of seeing bubbles,

You see squirming,


You hear a light screaming,

Congratulations, now you have figured out the purpose of the pot.

Now it has to be drained.

It is important not to have an emotional attachment to the strainer you have grabbed.

You have chosen the strainerís fate.

You cannot go back now.

Pour the contents of the pot into your chosen strainer.

Continue pouring until the contents have been removed.

Continue pouring.

Continue pouring.

Continue pouring.

Until all the contents have been removed.

If you have prepared this recipe for consumption,

I would suggest light oil and garlic.
Resist the urge to regurgitate or reject the meal in any way.
It must be delicious and a nutritious source of nutrients.
Otherwise the pot would be worthless.