Bogleech.com's 2014 Horror Write-off:

" Passive Ability "

Submitted by Anonymous

-"Would you look at that. Another breath-taking finishing move by Grizmeel . This thing is BRUTAL. Somebody get a clean up team down there!"

-"Now the opposing team has only one monster left. This is the final round, folks. Will this last candidate be able to turn things around for the blue team? What exactly are we dealing with here, [Redacted]? "

-"Well, [Readcted], we might just have to expect the unexpected with the last member of team blue. This next monster is the most recent edition to the battle monster league and has never been seen in a public battle before. Ah, its stats have just been uploaded to our screens."

-"And there it is, our mystery contestant! They’re releasing it from its container."

-"Well, it is kinda pretty, I have to concede THAT."

-"If you ask me, it looks like a larger version of that amethyst I got my niece for her birthday last week. Of course there’s no shortage of weird battle monsters... [Redacted], can you make sense of these stats for me? It would seem that this monster doesn’t have any moves, only passive properties."

-"That’s correct. Apparently, this monster isn’t capable of movement, period. As far as I can tell, it’s just a piece of rock… "

-"Sure looks like it. It just sits there. Grizmeel is getting impatient, though still not sure what to make of this."

-"It certainly doesn’t resemble any of the opponents our fierce predatory friend has had to face in this tournament so far."

-"We have seen a lot of weird battle monsters over the years, many of them hardly fitting our definition of a "lifeform" - hovering cartilage, viral clouds - but I wonder, how does this one even qualify as a battle monster, [Redacted]? As I recall, almost anything can join the league as long as it can both sustain and inflict damage. That’s why it isn’t allowed to just enter indestructible materials."

-"This one isn’t indestructible, though, according to the stats. In theory, Grizmeel should be able to find a way to break it apart, especially if it uses elemental attacks."

-"It looks like Grizmeel has come to the same conclusion… But wait, this doesn’t look like it’s going to use its acid breath. It’s preparing to pounce...!"

-"Uuuuh!"

-"Ouch!"

-"That is gonna leave a mark. Grizmeel just attacked its opponent head-on, dealing no measurable damage, but losing several teeth and claws in the process."

-"Looks kinda dizzy, too. Could be the first signs of a brain trauma."

-"I don’t believe it, there it goes again!"

-"And AGAIN!"

-"And it keeps going! Oh, the monstrosity!"

-"You have to see it to believe it, folks, Grizmeel is hammering itself to mush on the other monster’s cristalline surface! It’s downright appalling."

-"I’ve seen a lot of gruesome things in this arena over the years, but even this seasoned monster battle commentator has to muster every available ounce of discipline to keep watching. This is genuinely painful to watch."

-"Clearly not as painful as Grizmeel’s side of the experience, though. Its face is exploding in a cloud of blood and fangs, its front legs have become bloody stumps, and still it keeps on throwing itself against its opponent, its cries in equal parts hatred and horror..."

-"Looks like Grizmeel’s brain is exposed now. Aaaand… it is SOUP."

-"There you have it, fellow monster nerds. Nothing left of this proud champion but a twitching corpse, while the other monster just sits there as tranquil as ever. Well, technically speaking, it won fair and square… But to be honest, I don’t know how to feel about this thing anymore."

-"Yeah, just look at it, all self-righteous and playing innocent. I hate this piece of shit, [Redacted]. They never should have allowed it to enter the tournament."

-"All sparkly in the limelight, like it expects us to compliment it on how pretty it is. Grizmeel did not deserve to go like that. It didn’t deserve to lose to something like THAT."

-"The audience agrees, by the sound of it. And how couldn’t they?"

-"Oh, how I hate this damn thing!"

-"LET’S GET IT!"

-"YEAH! GET IT! GET IT! AND IF IT’S THE LAST THING WE DO...!!"