"s 2015 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by ProphetStorm

I know I didn't get to the bit about the Konami Code last time. I promise I'll get to it this time. Yeah, I know, it's bizarre. Let me tell the story.

So. I respawned. And it was surprisingly calming. No organic chamber where I emerged from a pod, coughing up blood. No computerized prison where I was injected and released. I just fell from a few yards above the ground. Hurt a little, but I was fine. Thank goodness the grass was grass again, rather than razor blades. Then again...the thing was still there. But it was on its back, holding its feet, which had been perforated by the bladed grass. I approached it and it tried to get away, starting to cry. The way its mouth moved was still so unsettling. I shook my head. "Hey...hey...calm down."

It replied in its own language. This was frustrating. I reached out and touched its leg.

"Translate to English," I said calmly.

" afraid you were...going to...hurt me again?" The humanoid trailed off as it heard its language change. "You really are a--"

"No, I'm not. And I don't know how I got here. But it's clear you're in pain, and I want to help."

"Can you make me real?"

" do you mean?" I asked. "Real as in...?"

"Like you. Not half-finished."

"I can try." I focused on its body. "Are you a man or a woman?"

"I don't know. You didn't make me either."

"All right. Edit Human One." I don't know exactly how, but I was able to change what was said out loud and what was entered into the coding bar this time. Maybe it was the fact that I was speaking to someone. In any case, its body was suddenly upright, hanging slightly in the air. Its indented eyes fluttered. "What...what's going on--"

"Calm down. I'm going to try and make you real. Now how to..." I groaned. Wireframe. Barely visible was a gray wireframe net that extended over Human One's body. Was I going to have to do this the hard way? I really didn't feel like sculpting genitals on this thing to make it one gender or another. "Edit tools."

The coding bar exploded over my vision with dozens of options. I saw one that made me so, so happy.


Twenty came up. Ten for male. Ten for female. All naked. Well then. This would still be awkward. "Do you want to be male, or female?"

"I don't care."

"How? How can you not care?"

"I've never been one or the other. I have no opinion on it."

I made an executive decision. A female might not be easy to tame, per se, but easier to get to trust me than a male, who might challenge me out of sheer need to be an alpha. I selected one of the preset options. Now Human One was a woman with olive-tan skin, dark hair, brown eyes, and not a bad figure. A little extra, but not bad. I blushed slightly and looked away. "Um...okay. Spawn clothes, human one."

Not tremendously pleasing, but a gray hoodie and sweatpants were better than nothing. I was still in my uniform from Omegasoft. "How does that feel, One?"

"...Oh, I'm One? Uh, it's fine. I feel a little...too big, though."

"All right. Edit human one. Scale point seven five." Watching her shrink was sort of surreal. "How's that?"

"Not quite what I meant, but it works fine." The edit program released her, and she hopped on the balls of her feet. "Mm. I like how it feels," She smiled. "But One..."

"I just made the assumption. The name the program recognizes you as is Human One."

"Well, all right. I'll trust you." One moved, and spoke, much more naturally, but nothing could erase from my mind what she had been before I had edited her. "What's your name?"


"Bill. Doesn't sound like a god's name."

"I told you. I'm not a god."

"You can...I won't argue." She shook her head. "So what now?"

"Do you know what that voice from earlier was?"

"No. Not really. Sounded vaguely familiar."

"I have an idea," I nodded. "Preview spawn points."

"Bad phrase"

Dagnabbit. "ID Users."

Again, the coding bar erupted, scrolling faster than I could keep up with. The names I did catch were chilling.





"Close. CLOSE."

One command too many. Human One and I hung for a moment in a black void.

"OPEN DEVSUP," I panicked, and again we landed in the familiar field. "Son of a...that was harrowing," I panted.

"My Bill, what happened?"

My Bill. Was that an expression of affection? Or reasserting that I was a deity? Either was creepy. "I just looked at a list of other developers using this program."

"Your words are so--"

"Other gods working on this world."


"I saw no encouraging names."

"Then the blackness..."

"I took us out of this world for a few moments."

One's eyes widened. "You are so powerful..."

"I'm trying to figure out how to use these powers. Please don't assume anything."

One nodded. "So now that you know..."

"I'm going to try and get out. I'm not sure if I can, but if I can find a way, would you like to come with me?" She would be a honey to explain to the social security registry. One adult female sprung fully grown into existence from a freaking computer.

"I'd love that," She giggled.

"I'll have to try something a little dangerous...Access DEVSUP menu."

The menu was familiar. I tried to exit to an upper level. Nothing. The code glitched for a moment--distorted and reformed. "Up."

Nothing. Another glitch.

"Out. Back. Previous."

Each was succeeded by a slightly more prominent glitch. What if I could punch a hole in the system? Would that work?


"Bad phrase. Stop trying."






To my delight, a floating screen appeared. "One, can you see that?"

"Yeah. It's big and flat and floaty."

"All right. Um...Chat invite, Dev Q-37 Pan."

In retrospect, I really have no clue what I expected, but it was not what I saw. The vaguest grotesqueries of its form did in some obscene way suggest the satyrs and fauns of Greek Myth, but only through slight medium similarities and heavy subconscious form suggestions. Fur, horns, and hooves were present, though only in the very wildest, most abstract form recognizable. Millions of eyes. And pustules. Euugh...the whole thing rippled and waved like a water bed.

"Bill?! Bill, are you all right?!"

"Yes. Why."

"You were screaming."

"No I wasn't."

"What was that thing you were doing with your mouth then?"

"Addressing him in the custom of my people," I answered. "Um. Pan."

The thing on the screen blinked, and all those eyes looked at me.

"Oh. New user. Welcome to Subverse 5.2. Didn't know the big shots came around this server anymore."

Then it did something....I don't know...I can't was was no. It was how no Pan why so many eyes so much hair it can't but it touched me I swear it touched me but...


Konami code tomorrow please...