" Emergency Response "

"Hello?

Yeah, there's some kind of animal in my apartment?

I don't know, some kind of monkey or something? It ran off when it saw me, but I grabbed a picture on my phone- gimme a second-

Huh? It was, like, this weird shade of pink, not very much fur-

What?

No, a really gross pink. People aren't that color. So, it has, uh, two eyes, a mouth, uh, let's see...

Oh yeah, it's got some kind of creepy lump between the eyes and the mouth. With, uh, some holes on the bottom-

What? No, this isn't a prank call, it's a- what the fuck? No, I'm not describing a person! It had two eyes, for fuck's sake!

Hello?

Did you just- he just fucking hung up on me!"