"s 2015 Horror Write-off:

" The hooligans: hooligan land "

Submitted by Jac R.B. (JacobGuy)

I woke up somewhere that was not earth.

I think to call it a planet at all would be wrong.

It was an average day of doing nothing, as I had been doing for weeks. I was unemployed and depressed. Nothing to do for anyone or anything, drifting in and out of consciousness as I waited for a bill collector to come and drag me out of my own home when I woke up in this place, if you could call it a place at all.

Its very strange here, theres no sun, no moon, no stars, the sky is black, but the world is lit by some sort of giant, glowing orange things that looked like gumdrops on spires. 

The sky was full of what looked like dolphins, but, sometimes they just appeared to dissolve into nothing and reappear hours later as if nothing had happened.

There are forests of what looks like twizzlers, which get harvested by corpses piloted by weird mushrooms. They're friendly enough, but I'd rather keep my distance.

I travel from place to place trying to survive. Traversing the twizzler forests, and the liquid sponge oceans (look out around those, have you seen what winds in and out of those tubey pores? Jesus)

Sometimes in the corpse-shroom villages I find these... Alters.. I guess, made of TVs. They all have the same, unchanging cartoon cat face on them, and not to mention the TVs grow out of the ground like tumors.

I'll occasionally run into a huge guy with a coinslot in his head, but he'll leave you alone if you tell him something like,

"Listen man, I heard some jerk over there sayig you ain't tough! You just gonna take that?!" 

He gets all up in arms about it every time. It'd be funny if this dude couldn't crush you in his hand without even thinking.

Its hard, trying to sleep here, or find something to eat.

The other day I tried sleeping under a small cliff, when I looked around and saw all these little eyestalks growing out of the surrounding soil, just staring at me. 

In a moment of desperation, and starvation, I picked all of them and cooked them in the fire coming from the eyeholes of some lizard thing just a few yards over. Good thing too, those eyes cut open like a nice cooked chicken breast, and the lizard simply ate whatever I burned.

I saw these weird bubbles everywhere today.

They had a collidoscope pattern on them.

I was afraid of what they'd do so I watched what the other creatures would do when they see them.

After a while, a dolphin thing from the sponge sea jumped in after its group walked by, cackling all the way. The rest of its group seemed to wait for something, until it popped back out holong a monopoly board. They all started eating the money.

I was quite confused as you can guess until I figured it out.

These bubble could be my ticket home.

All of the things here seem to know that they go to earth, so if they can use them, why can't I?