's 2015 Horror Write-off:

" The hooligans: pipewinder "

Submitted by Jac R.B. (JacobGuy)

It was a normal day, blue skies, sun shining, birds singing and all I wanted was a cup of water. Was that too much to ask?

I turned on the faucet but no water came out. Confused, I banged the thing, hoping that I could make it work. You know, with "science". Unfortunately, I was only half right.

The faucet began to shake and shudder, making the noise of building pressure. I took a step back, not understanding what was going on. Then something poped out, not all the way mind you, but something that was much too big to fit in any pipe. It was slimy looking, and a bubbly, pale, pink, and somewhat tube or maybe pickle shaped. I tried taking a closer look before it shreiked at me in a shrill High pitched voice, " I JUST SWAM IN AND BOY IS MY FACE TIRED".

I was terrified, frozen in place as the faucet shuddered again as more of this thing began pouring out of the sink.

It was like some kind of giant, pink dolphin with weird arms. It stared for a moment with its oddly tiny black eyes before letting out an extremely high pitched cackle and lunged at me. 

I ran down my hallway and it galloped on its odd scissor lift arms, it smashed into the wall for every turn it made, either from its momentum or some sick sense of humor. It screamed the entire chase, changing from high to low pitch as it spouted nonsense.

High pitch


low pitch


eventually when I ran upstairs and rounded a corner I was far enough away from it to hide in the bathroom closet. 

I heard it crash around for a few more seconds before slowing down, and oddly plodding about on its oar shaped feet. It came into the bathroom. Its maniacal smile unwavering. It looks around, at least it doesn't seem to have echolocation like real dolphins. Or maybe it does and its just playing with me. It stops. I freeze. 

It takes a second and it starts drinking my toothpaste. When it finishes, it slowly turns and stares at the closet. I'm freaking out on the inside.

It rips open the door.

I'm trapped, cornered, ready for death.

It butts me like a light punch in the arm.


I was dumbstruck as it completely funneled itself down my bath drain, laughing the entire way down.

What the fuck.