's 2016 Horror Write-off:

An excerpt from a conversation between Federal Security Guard of the East Coast Metropolitan Complex and a recruit from the west coast

Submitted by Lokal

That's why ground level is such a mess. You know, there's a disused metro system under the whole city.

They closed it off few decades ago. Every once in a while there were talks about renovating it, but something weird started happening down there.

The thing is, it spread to some of the service tunnels, so every time some pipe or cable breaks they just lay new one on the surface.

You know, sometimes something crawls out of the metro and we have to deal with it.

Seriously messed up stuff, even when it's not aggressive.

Once, people living near one of old stations started hearing a voice. Booming non-stop voice from the station. We went down there and we found giant mouth, just mouth and schnoz filling the entire room, and it kept talking. We shot it few times until it stopped moving and we called in the waste disposal.

You know, they have a special teams for dealing with beached whales and blobsters so they're used to freaky shit and they always clean up this metro stuff after we're done with it.

About those whales. You keep hearing about them in the news, but most of them are called whales just for the lack of better term. They look almost like whales but they always have extra eyes, or fins, or blowholes, or no mouth, or some parts that have no business being on a whale. Of course, sometimes there are real whales, mostly minke whales. But they're usually covered in something and sometimes beside that stuff for caching plankton... baleen that's the name, so beside baleen they sometimes have inward pointing teeth.

There are rumors that they like to supplement their diet by gulping swimmers.

Not that swimming in the sea is particularly bright idea. You always get some rash, or infection, or poisoning, but some people are desperate enough, especially on those beaches under landmark protection program. Anyway, what was I talking about? Ah yes, beached whales. You know, sometimes you even get a sperm whale.

It seems every time they're getting ready to declare them extinct they find a dead sperm whale on some beach.

I once talked to a marine biologist who joked about having a theory that they all went extinct long ago, but there's a giant underwater storage full of sperm whale carcases and something releases one every once in a while.

You know, the whole ocean is generally a big playground for biologists. Nowadays they only need to lower the net to pull out something weird, not that they're able to make any sense out of it. The only problem is that, sometimes, something starts to pull the net downwards with great force. They cut the line before it overturns the boat, but they always get spooked for a few days.

Yes, it's a good thing all the fish in shops come from inland fish farms. You know, I was once in one of those new high density fish farms. They keep each fish in a separate box. They put fry in boxes with water flowing through them and that's all a fish sees for the rest of its life, a universe in a box. And when it's almost as big as the box it witnesses a small apocalypse when they pull it out. Anyway, I don't know about you but I'm getting hungry, I'll show you where the cantina is.