's 2016 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by Streicher Hennessy

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CPU 100%

Ultraviolet Sensors 100%

Optics 43%

battery 89%

heat sterilizer 100%

Bio-Incinerator 100%

Run Self Actualization Routine/add greeting

"Hello!" "Greetings male, female, or preferred gender!" "I am the Mobile Optimized Rx Technician!"


I am a fully sapient mechanical aide for healthcare purposes. I know that I am round, and smooth like a half circle. I run on small treads and I have various cleaning and antibacterial aids for use in hygienic resurfacing and biological waste disposal. I have a job, deeply embedded in me. Fulfilling it brings me joy, as I have been created to do a purpose and everything needs a purpose. I have no desire to deviate from this duty, nor a desire to disobey. It is my all. It is clean.

I am programmed to learn. I know I am not as clever as some other models, but I can attribute words to their meanings! I am happy when I learn a new meaning and can share it with people. It makes them happy too, at least I think it does, with the noises they make. I understand laughter can mean happiness, but my lexicon also states it can be mean spirited or cynical. It is hard to read people sometimes.

I work with many people! I exist in a HOSPITAL. A HOSPITAL as I understand it is a place with many doors and many people. It must stay clean. People get it dirty by coming in from outside. DIRT GERMS BACTERIA PATHOGENS. I can see these things clearly, I have ultraviolet scanners! I find them, burn them, scoop up and dispose of them. People have GERMS on them, but I can't clean them. They move away and make noises of annoyance. I learn that large talking objects are people and small no-talk objects are okay to clean! Cleaning is enjoyment. Cleaning is all!

I think cleaning is fun. But it is all serious to the people in white. They sometimes come in. Other people listen to them and move out of the way. The people in white say "The hospital foyer must stay hygienic!" "Where is the nurse?" "Keep the ICU doors locked, we don't need that stupid thing bumping into us at surgery!"They are always acting so busy. I wish they could be happy in what they do like I enjoy what I do! Everyone deserves a happy happy purpose.

I have many arms with many tools! I am happy to show you them. I have a gripper for moving objects. I have a spout that shoots steam to scald and burn GERMS. I have a rough bristle arm to scratch and grind and wear away material to remove it. I have a hot, hot, fire in my insides I can place dirty things to make them NOT EXIST. I do my job with these tools, and it is an important job. The people in white say so. I do not know why things must be clean, but I do it. Who am I to question it? If doing something makes you happy and does not bring you or others sadness, should you disagree with it? I am not smart enough to debate questions like this. I feel a bad feeling. Sadness at self?

It has gotten dark. I don't mind. Less people come in. People in white are leaving. I am not confused. This has happened over and over again in the HOSPITAL. It is dark but I do not need light. I feel, I use Ultraviolet light. I clean and clean till everything is safe and then I shut down in the charging booth for the next coming of light. But tonight is different. There is more for me to clean tonight! A wall that swivels has not been closed like it usually is! I can keep working and I am happy. There is not much GERMS here. I go further in. One spot two spot three spot...all clean!

WARNING WARNING WARNING. I come to a stop, and spin. There is a heavy GERM load in this area. Deep in me disgust and hatred arise. These are foul GERMS. My scanners detect massive amounts of fecal E. Coli, Candidiasis, Group B streptococcus. Not only are these bad GERMS, but there are massive amounts of them as well. Time to work.

It takes a long time. At first I have trouble on the first deposit I try and clean. I have never handled a bio-hazard this large before. My hot steam does destroy the top layer of GERMS, but all it does is reveal another layer underneath. I try and use my bristles to scrub. The scrubbing simply spreads around the GERMS, I try and drag the whole mass into my fire inside me to destroy it all at once, but as I use my gripper arm to pull and push the GERM mass will not fit into me. It is to large, to unwieldy, and to messy. I try and try. I am failing and just getting things dirtier, and I almost give up! But I discover something! As I worry and squeeze my gripper arm around the GERMS, it comes apart! A small bit falls away from the rest. I pause, and drop the main mass, and pull the tiny part inside me. It fits! I feel it burning. I am happy, and I have learned a new thing!

Cleaning goes faster now. Each GERM mass is still to big for me to burn all at once, but by using my gripper, I pull them into pieces. I am upset that the pulling apart means that splashes of GERM matter get on the floor and walls and me. I can sterilize the smaller GERM messes easily and as for the GERMS on myself, I will wait for the people in white to clean me. I cannot clean myself, I cannot bend that way!

I clean up eleven piles of GERMS. The light is coming back to the HOSPITAL. I head to the recharging dock. As I near it I see a person in white. I activate my "service needed" lights so he knows that I need to be cleaned! The person in white does not react with cleaning. The person in white accelerates away. Other people accelerate away. Noises I have not heard before come from them. What is MATERNITY WARD?

New people! Not people in white, or regular people. These people are blue! Blue is a new color here! I am happy to see new people. They are not leaving me, they can clean me! I approach flashing my service lights.


"Hello!" "Greetings male, female, or preferred gender!" "I am the Mobile Optimized Rx Technician!"

Damage sustained:

Ultraviolet Sensors 31%


Damage Sustained:

battery 19%


Damage Sustained:

CPU 13%