's 2016 Horror Write-off:

Strange Inquiries

Submitted by Anonymous

Eve has never been the type to talk about her work, so why are you asking me?

Yeah, she killed people. I get that at least. I just don't understand why you're being so overbearing about it. 

What do you mean, 'murder is outlawed'? Since when? What kind of shitty drugs are you hooked up on?

Look, fucker, I don't really get your deal. You barge into my house with a made up warrant, pretend to be some sort of officer for an agency that doesn't even exist, and then you start pestering me about my twin. What the actual fuck, man? Does the word 'boundaries' mean anything to you?

Okay, okay, no need to get hostile. Just because your racket makes no sense to me, it doesn't mean I can't listen. I got an A in Paying Attention to Bribes and/or Threats in university, after all. 

What about my sister do you want to know anyway? Her modus operandi is pretty obvious if you just pay attention. She only kills pretty boys. Typical, really. She's always been weak for curls and dimples. A girl just can't help herself, I guess.

Yeah, I can explain that too. Organs are a pretty simple thing to procure if you have the right pencils. No, not utensils, pencils! I'm sure you like the taste of something common like the heart, but she goes straight for the spleen. Admirable, right?

Anyway, are we done? I still have to get to work after all. I may not be on the Cannibal Guild, but lazing around at home ain't gonna pay the bills. Say, do you know any girls who walk alone in alleys? Always gotta be on the lookout for a new target to add to the database. 

... Huh? No, crap, I'm just going to rob her. Gotta fill my quota or I'll be fired, you know?

Well, I guess it was nice talking to you while this lasted- Oh, hey, look who it is! My sister's coming up the lane. She looks awfully hungry too... Hey, do you mind taking off that hat of yours? I'm sure she'll love your lovely curls as much as I do.