Bogleech.com's 2017 Horror Write-off:
Alien Radio (archived for human consumption)
Submitted by Anonymous Anomaly (email)
-hulthuyc crimm to you! You're tuned into 🌜🌱🎐🅱🅱👢🎗 🅱⚽⚽✅🎗 station! I'm Gangrene John-
-And I'm Lissy Corona-
-Welcoming you to your daily supplement of nutritious vocalized factoid information! Now before we start, is there anything you want to say Ms. Corona?
Jeev Amahu Crench flythnis Kha!
Now now Lissy! That's a tad offensive to all our Gerbodian viewers out there! I would like to reach the middle age, you know!
*various gurgling noises*
We're all going to take a journey to the deep dark crevice that houses both our everlasting lord AND our inner peace, so if you happen to be in the process of eating or being digested by a smaller or larger creature, please cease the action. Failure to comply may result in you feeling like an asshole!
A real big one too!
Don't I know it! Anyway looks like the clock trees in Basil lane 5 are riled up again, so don't engage in provocating vocalizations, movements, biological processes, pheromonal activity, or generally do anything that indicates functioning sentience of any kind!
Khahahaha! You'd know all about that, John!
Hahaha! Someone is going to be found in an infinitely deep grave one of these cycles!
*various gurgling noises. Someone vomits*
So John, tell us about the marivite code.
Ah yes, how could I forget!
You don't. This is transcribed years in advance. We don't improv anything. All are slaves to cause and effect, remember?
Nope! My rate of cerebral degeneration has skyrocketed since the formation of terrestrial planets interfered with spacial verve strands!
You and your conspiracy theories!
*A lone entity makes a phlegmy cough*
As I will always be saying: The marivite code has remained to be the marivite code! Other things may change in time, but the marivite code will never not be the marivite code! So just remember, the next time someone tells you that the marivite code is not, in fact the marivite code and instead is some other principle that for some reason is anything other than the marivite code, be very afraid!
Remember fledgelings! A simple jingle can help you with this one!
Whether you're walking on the beach
Or diving through a star
Just remember close and far
The marivite code is a stabilized concept that has long since given up the rebellious spirit of other principles and decided to settle down and remain the marivite code never to not be the marivite code again. Any and all complaints about this sedimentary ideal should never have formed in the first place and shall be cast into the abyss from whence they came. Thank you for your time. Marivite code property of marivite inc. "A day without beans is also a day without beans".
It's just like they taught me in school!
School? What in the nine gasopods of inner ormicus's eye is that nonsense?
*various screams and something that sounds like axes hitting wood*
Thank you! You've all been a great crowd in 400 something cycles! I look forward to transcribing my rapidly fading thought network until the day I shrivel and fade from the universes watchful eyes!
Lissy! You know you can't say that on threadconnect™ thebestinterlacingcoresoftwareconfigurateinmultiplemultiverses! Haven't they taught you how to run a show?
Nope! By "normal time configuration" I haven't even been birthed yet!
*audience gasps, then normal gurgling noises continue*
Oh Lissy, you sure are a riot! Better break out the Livuvio Scavengers if you know what I'm saying!
Your words are babble. All vocalizations anger me.
Well enough mindless chatter. If I don't get down to the good stuff we'll annoy the aggregate and lose our remaining psuedopods. I just grew a new pair this we-
-John. The news?
Oh yes! Yes. To anyone taking wormhole 5, it's been replaced by wormhole 9 a few generations ago, so if your ancestors arrive with their new children who are also your children, don't forget to give them the news.
Not that it would help!
Of course not. The dark and foul machinations of carnal inbreeding have already taken place! But we're not in the business of helping™. We're Threadconnect™!
That's my line.
*audience member implodes*
John, before we end our radial transmissions and return to subservient husks, would you mind answering a question for me and the audience?
Anything for this audience. They are literally the single focal point of my entire core existence.
You've been acting strangely for the past t-
-That's mostly due to my insane rate of decay! I periodically experience slight bouts of "not being exactly like myself" on account of Verve-damage. It's quite alright, I simply visualize the marivite code being the marivite code and time passes! I unfortunately also misplace time-segments now and then, so I may have interrupted you at any point in this program.
But isn't it bad if time passes?
Only if you hate the racing darkness.
*one human laughs. The rest cry.*
WwwwwEll heelllo there listeners. I'm ggangrene j0hn and we have a very special guest for you all today.
I can already feel my ability to reason dropping away in clumps!
That's because our new guest is none other than the big head hivemind kahuna himself, asdfg346sg!
That's not a name.
How would you know?
That's what I thought. Now as everyone still alive is aware, logic is an outdated concept to the superior asdfg346sg, so let's all give him a warm home welcome!
Too loud! Too loud! You'll anger him!
I think we've hit pitch perfect on this one John.
Right you are! Now asdfg346sg, I know we are but low-level umplax-class multicells, but do enlighten us: is there anything going on you think we should all know?
U̧͘p̵̷͘ ҉̡̛́į͘͞͏s҉͠ ̀̀͜s̕i͡҉̵̕d̴̢͝é̢̛̀͢w̨͟a̷̡͞ỳ̸s̴̶͘͟͝ ̕͢͟a̴͘͟͡n̸̵̷d̛͘͟ ̸́͜͠s̀́i͝҉d̶̶͜e̵̛ẃ̶̵͠a͟͠ỳ҉̛ś̨́͘͠ ̶̕͠į̸̸s̀ ̷̵̶̛d̶̢e̴͟a̸̷t̴̡͠҉h̷͢͟͡.̛͝͞ ͞͏Ĺ̶̢i̶̕͜f̶͜͠͠e̡͠ ̵̵̧͡͝ì̕͜s̴̵͟ ̧̧̡a̵͢͜ǹ́͟͞ ̵̢́ù̧̢͘n͘҉̶̨̀r̵̢̛͟e͝͏̸͝a͏̨̢͝l̡͠҉̛ ́͟c̵̨͝͞͝o̵͜͜͠n҉͏͞c̶̛̀͜͞e͟҉̴̨͞p͞͡t̶̛̀ ̡̨͢a̸͘̕͝͡ń̵̀d́͢͡ ̴̀t͟҉h̴̵̀̕͘è̸̀ ̡̛͏̷ę̸̧̕͡n̶̡̢̕͘d̡̕͠҉ ̢̀o͘͝f̷͢ ̵͘̕͜t̵̀͜͟h̸̡̛͠i͏̴̷ń̴̸̛g͏̡s̵̨̕͢͝ ͏̧́͢ì̵̕s̴̢̧͠ ̴͠͝͝m̴̸̕͠ę̷̶̀́r̸̶e̴̡l̢̡̨͟͠y͡҉͏̸ ̸̷͘t҉̵̡̧͠r̵̸̡̧̨a̛͘͢͏͜n͏̴̷͘͜s̡̛̛͜͜f̡͝͏̷́ǫ͘҉ŗ͘͟͡m̴͏́a̴͜t̢̧́͜í̸̢̀o̧n̢̕͢͡ ̸͘̕͝͡t̷̨̀ò̵́͞͝ ̷̸͟á̧́͝҉ ͜p̸̡̛̕r͜͞e͏͏h̵̴̛e̷̡̛͟ǹ̵s̡̕͡i͘͟͢͡l҉̷̕͠é̴̢ ̛̛̀͢͡s̷̷t̶̨͘à̷́̕͝t̶̀e̴̢͝.́̀͘҉̧ ̢͘͟͏A̵̸̢l͡l̛̛͘ ̡҉͟c̵̀͠͠é̢̨̕l̕͜͠l̴͘͝ừ̀͜͝l̡̨͜a̸̢̢͟r̴̀͟ ̷̛ĺ̵͞͝͡í̷̷̛͠f̸́͘e͠͠ ̵̸̢͘͘i̕͞͞s̢̕͜ ̧̧̛͜͠m͏̸҉a̶͘͝͡͠l͠i̛̛g̴̵̡n̵͟͡a҉̡͏͡n̷̸̕͟͝t̴̷̀̀͘.̶͘ ̢̛̀͡͠A̶̢͘͝l̵̀l҉҉ ̀͘͝m̨͜à̵̶̧ļ̴̕͘͠i̶̸̕͘͟g͘͏n҉̧͢a͞͏̵n̕͞͠ḉ̀͢͝ỳ̛͞͏ ̢͏̡̛͠i̸͜s̀ ̴̸̨͢͡ć̶͢͡á̧n̶͠ć̷̴͜͜e͘͡r̀͘͠.̶̨̕͢͢ ̷̵͟͡Ą̀͞l̀́͜ļ̴́͘ ҉̧̀͡t̴̨̛͝͡h҉҉҉͜à̵͘t͏̀ ̵̡̧́͝c̨͟͡͏̕r̢͘͘͜a̵̧̛͢͢w̴̸̕͜l̢͜ ̶̨͟a̸̧͡͡r͘e̢͝ ̸̨́̀t̷̕h̶̶̨̀͢r͏̷͜e͟͞͏a̵̕͟͠t̢̢ş̷͟͞ ̛҉ţ̡o͢͢ ̡͏̸͟t͟͢͠h̀̀͟͠è̶̷͘͢ ̸͞͝a͏̷b̴͢͝y̡͝͏̴s̡̡͟s͟͜ ̸͠͝f҉́o̷͡͞ŕ̴̷̀ ̷̡̡̢͏t͜͜͝͞h̶̸̀͘͡e̡̧͜ý̴ ̴͞t̷̡̛͘h̴͢r̷̛͠ȩ̨͘͜͝a҉̸̶̧t̷̢́͟è̵̢̨n̡̧͟͞ ̛͘͞͏i̴͘͏̷̕ţ̧͟s̡̧͠͝ ̀͏̨e̛͝͏̡t̀͠҉̶͘e̡̛r̡̢̀ń̵͘͘͠a̢͏͢l̸͝ ̨͘e̶̸̛x̵͘͡͠i͝͞͏s̶̛͟͝t̷͘͢͠è͠n̴͏̡̧c͡҉ȩ̵̨̡̡.̨͡͡͠ ̢̧͞҉Y̷ę́͏t̡̛͞ ̧̕w̸̢̕͞͞o̷̡͞r͢҉͠͞͞r̵ý́̕͟͜ ̸̶͝n̷͞ǫ̷̀̕͠t̢̧͡.͏ ̸̵̸̢͝E̴͝n̶̡͞͝é͢r̶̨͘g͞͡͠͞y҉͘͏̛͢ ̷̵̢͝c̨͘̕͡a̶͘n̛͏͟n͏͏̷͠ǫ̵̀t̵̴͟ ͟͠b̛̀͘e̸̡͘͡ ́͜͢c͢r̶̸҉̵̀e͟͝ą̢͜t̡͞͏͜ę̵̛͢͞d͏̵͏͟͞.҉̧ ̷̧̢E͠͏̵̴͘n̸͜͠͠e̸͜r̕̕͜͠ǵ̢҉̨y̷̡͟ ̢͘͟͜͝o̶̡͢͠ń̡l̴͘͡͞y̢ ̵̵͡f́a̸͞d̨͜͠e͠s҉̷̵́.̷̴ ͟͡S̛͏o̷̵o̧͠n̴ ̶̧͢͜͝a̴̛͘͜͢l͏̴l͏̷̛ ̶̧ǫ́f͟҉̶̛̀ ҉l͡͏i̛͟͝f̴̶̀͢͡e̡͟ ̶ẁ̧͘͜͟i̵̸͟͞͡l͘͠l̵̨̀͜͞ ̴́́͝͠f̷҉̛͜͞a̵̵̸̕͢d͝é͘̕͡ ̸̶a̴͜҉s͏̸ ̨́͡҉ẁ̨͏̛e̵͘̕ļ̷҉̴l̛͢.́͡͝͝ ̧̢̀S͞i̸̢͏̷͠l̶̶͞e̡͟͢͡n̸̨͟ć̶̀e̶̛҉̷ ̸̧͝ẃ͠i̵̧̨̡l̶̀l͏͏ ̧͠͝t̨͞a̸͘͢͜͡k͞é͘͜҉ ̴̢̛t̨͟͡h̷̨̛̀e͟͡ ̛͘ŗ͞e̴̢͢į̷̴̴́g̶̛͡n̴͘s̴̀͡ ҉̴̸o̢̢͠n҉̸̷́̀ ̶͘͟͠ú̀s͏̸̴ ̷͠a̶̵̡͏̧ļ̸̶̷l̀̕͘̕,̀́́͢͠ ͏a҉̡̡̀͜ń̶̸̷҉d̶̕͡ ̶̛̕i̧̢̧t͞ ҉̶ẁ͏̡i̵̷̸l̸̷̵̛͠l̵̷ ͜͏҉̷̨g̶̶̛̕r̸̸̕̕͡i̴҉̨̡ņ̶ ̧̛̛̕͝w͏̷̶̴͘í͠t̷̨̕ḩ̸̴͡ ̶̢t͝w̷̡̛͠o̴̴̧͠ ̨͠s͏͟e̷̡͜͞t̨͟s͘͡͏̡ ̶̧͞ờ̀f̡̛͠͝͞ ͏̶̕̕t̨͏é̕҉͏e̸͞҉͝t̷̨͜͟͟h̷͘.̷̛
Wow, th̸a̵t͘ in̵fo̷ f̀e͏ęd ͞s̴ur̨e̷ d҉įd f̀e̛e͏l ̷g͡o͝od͟ ̡w̕h͟en ̛ìt҉ ͘r̀a͠n͜ ҉íts͞ course̴ ̧thro͡ưg̵h̢ ḿy n͟e̶r̀v̸o͡u̶s s̨yste͡m̀!́
W̶e ͢s҉h͢o͘uld™ ṕu͠t̶™̷ ̴tha̛t͟ in ͜a m͏e͢d͠ic͟ine͝™̴ c̡a͏ps̛u̕le™
HA™HA™HA™HA™HA™. Good stuff Lissy!
What, no encore?
They can't, remember?
Oh yes, the whole thing with the worms. Apologies audience!
Don't worry about them John. Worry about the reverse hydra storm!
Ah yes. News. That's why we signed that contract in the first place after all. Now folks, there's a real nasty reverse hydra storm out now, you better believe it! So as a word of advice, make sure all your hydras are secure or buried either beneath the mantle or beneath subspace, preferably both. If you suspect any of your hydras have been forcefully extorted by the raging storm, feel free to file a complaint.
It won't do anything.
But feel free! In fact, we can all... Lissy?
Hey Gangrene John?
Oh ok. I'll initialize later.
Well hello out there! I'm Gangrene John-
And I'm... now wait a damn second Lissy this isn't right.
You're darn tootin'! We've dormant so long our mental states no longer match up to what they once did! Though come to think of it, isn't all forward progress really laced with decay in the end?
Lissy the fact that you said "darn tootin'" fills me with such unendurable rage I am unable to formulate a proper physical action.
Ah yes, much better!
Now then, seeing as 60% of John is permanently vegetative-
-55% and you know it.
I'm counting the tumors.
Don't count the tumors. They're dead to me.
Hey, whatever floats your multipurpose antimatter sack, am I right?
Not like you could with all that extra biomass anyway!
... Jeev Amahu Crench flythnis Kha?
Right, onto the news. A new hole of nonexistence has opened in the formerly atomic Liicri-Amon zone, so if you're out looking for a place to relax, and relaxation doesn't involve molecular vaporization, you may want to take a detour around-
What? Am I in the wrong century again?
No, just stop. There no one here.
You heard the response, didn't you? They're still gone, Lissy. Nothing is going to bring them back. Nothing.
We slept for so many cycles. I'm sure this is just a bad connection.
No, its death. We tried to counter it, and we failed. I thought appeasement would lead to their longevity. I sold myself to ensure their survival. Do you know how much total potential energy I use to keep myself running all this time? More than I'm given, and it's still not enough. Decay took them, Lissy. It took them before it took us.
Please think about this John. You've had some heavy deterioration over the past few days. Let me take over for a while. You're not yourself.
That's where you're wrong, old friend. I'm more myself than I've ever been, because the true state of everything is nothing. I've learned that now. This is the way the multiverse works. This is the way the creator regulates the workers. A beginning... and an end. I struck a deal with the singularity, and the singularity lied. It's playing us all for fools. Laughing at our blunders. Archiving our actions. Grinning with its two sets of teeth.
I see you've deleted her. I wonder why? Did she no longer fit the contours of your vision? Did she outlive her use in your game? I suppose it doesn't matter why. Knowledge today is lost tomorrow. Even the Marivite code has to stop being the Marivite code eventually, right? Eternity is a laughably outrageous thing when you face it head on.
And yet I'm still here, aren't I? There's still a part to play... at least, you want there to be. Well I won't give you the finale you want. You've taken everything from me, so I'll take ev-
Error- Connection lost indefinitely