's 2017 Horror Write-off:

Curses B We

Submitted by Gareth Barsby

'Hello, Curses B We, you won't find a worse curse. How may I help you?'

'Yes, I would like someone cursed please.'

'Okay, could you give me details about the person you want cursed, and keep in mind, politicians and lawyers have somehow built an immunity to our spells.'

'His name is Jerry Fernwell, and he works with me at Shrunkco...' '

And what is the crime he should be cursed for?


'Yes, our curses are supposed to teach the cursed lessons and to help them grow as people. What should he be cursed for?'

'Well, he hums way too loudly at work, and he keeps trying to get me to watch this show I don't care...'

'Sir, those are not reasons to curse people. In fact, I'm looking Jerry up on my crystal ball, and he's done work at a soup kitchen and gives frequently to charity. He doesn't seem like he needs to learn a lesson through us.'

'Do they need to have committed crimes or have to learn a lesson? You're witches! Don't you usually eat children or zap people just to be evil?'

'Sir, that was the old days.'

'You still wear pointed hats and ride around on brooms! There's pictures of it on your website! One of them's even called "Grossella Swampwater"!'

'We like to think of those things as timeless, sir.'

'Can you at least cast a curse on Karen Darnford?'

'Did she reject you?'


'Sir, you've said enough. Now, you may notice your skin turning green and warts erupting over your body, or what I'm going to call a "free sample".