's 2018 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by Mary Fluker (email)


Masterful in the art of caninity, this magnificent beast outshines the best of them. Get a load of that dog! Bask in the sublime, the ecstasy of indisputable perfection! That fur! That posture! Such excellent paws. That winsome smile with such teeth! Those sweet brown eyes with such teeth! The clever paws with such teeth. Such teeth!

Have you seen this dog?

Truly a friend at first sight. Take pride in the dog’s accomplishments for the dog’s every action is worthy of pride. Worthy of praise. Worthy of reward! What can be offered to such excellence? Can there be a cost too high? Nay, the desserts of the dog are all that can be put before this insurmountable being. Offer the flesh, offer the mind, offer those things that you have no grasp of, yet fear the loss of. They will be in good and worthy mouths.

This is a good dog!

You have seen! It cannot be unseen, those sweet eyes are no longer your own.

So call 1-800-THATDOG for your chance!

At just one minute per minute, the price is all you can afford, it has been paid! Dog, marvelous in attribution, unparalleled in here-ness. That’s right! Rejoice in a luxuriously and deserving existence, the fur beneath your fingers, the fur beneath your skin. Such teeth.

That’s 1-800-THISDOG

Order right now to double the offer.