Sports

"Hey Dad!"
"Hey, Ken. I see you've been shootin' hoops?"

I closed the car door and walked over to my son Kendrick.
I had just gotten back from seeing my doctor. Well, 'seeing' is an ironic term.
I went to get a checkup on my vision, and figure out if I would be more comfortable with contacts.

"Yeah, thought I'd get some practice in without Terry."
"Wait, where is Terry? He's always over here on Saturday."
"He's sick, Dad. Didn't I tell you this yesterday?"
"Well I-I don't think, um...
You mind if I make a throw?"
"Okay, but I told you he's sick, so I'm not sure why you'd forge-"
"Ken, people forget things all the time, me included. Now watch."

I lob the ball up towards the hoop. It smacks against the backside, and nearly bounces back
into my face. I've thrown bricks so many times Kendrick isn't even surprised anymore.

"Are you trying to break your glasses Dad?"
"Maybe I'll uh, have more luck next time?"
"Yeah right."
"Hey where's your sister? Her car isn't here."
"I don't know. She said she was going out with friends."
"Well she better be back soon. Dinner should almost be ready,
AND we'll be watching the game tonight." I say as I walk up to the front door.

"I'm home!"
I take off my shoes, and hang up my coat. I can smell something reminiscent of potatoes,
and the air is filled with delightful odors coming from the kitchen. Dad must be in there.
And why wouldn't he? He's the best damn chef I've ever known.
"How was the doctor, honey?" My mother says as she rocks my baby Ashlee in the big chair.
"Oh it was okay. She thinks I'll be fit for contacts soon."

After I lost my wife, my parents offered to let me and my kids live with them. I could hardly
decline, what with their persistency. I'm not sure I could have lived on my own with three kids
anyway. I mean, I have to make do by teaching bio at Lalonde Elementary. As I waddle over to the restroom,
I get a text from Beatrice. She says she'll be home in 15 minutes. That kid practically raises herself...

___________________

"I'm still torn up over that penalty shot." Says my dad.
"Tod, you wouldn't have been torn up if it was the enemy team getting called on."
"Well, it... It depends on how they CHEAT, that's for sure..."

I take off my glasses to wipe them. As I do, I glance up at the TV. The screen is fuzzy,
but I can clearly make out the golden arches in the commercial. So far, Saturday has been fairly
lackluster, but I suppose that's all my fault for being so tired. Dad made a great dinner, Mom went on a spectacular
politics rant, Beatrice went bowling (okay, that certainly isn't normal), Kendrick actually asked
for me to help him with his homework, and Ashlee reportedly didn't cry...

Maybe today wasn't so lackluster. I'm surrounded by my family, for God's sake! I could cry! And they're all so-
"Lloyd, are you alright? You've been wiping your glasses for about a minute now-"
"Oh! So I have. I suppose I was daydreaming a little."
"About what?" Says Beatrice.
"Um... I'm thinking about what I'll teach Monday."
"Dinosaurs?"
"Well, I think my class has already learned plenty about dinosaurs this semester Ken."

Unexpectedly, the television shuts off, causing me to flinch.
"Camille, sweetie, you didn't think the game was OVER yet, did you?"
"What? Tod, I didn't even touch the remote!"

Suddenly, we hear a smack against the window behind Kendrick, causing him to jump up.
"Woah! Was that the bird again?!"

"I swear, every time we sit down to eat that little guy tries to join us!"
As I'm speaking, I put my glasses back on and walk towards the window to inspect the damage.
That bird hitting our window is far from strange, yet something seems amiss...

"Hey, Beatrice, come look at this with me."
"Yeah Dad?"
"See where the bird hit the window? It's covered in gunk."
"What? Lemme see."

I step aside to let Beatrice look at it. It looked as if someone threw a rotten cabbage at
our house. The window was caked with green goo and rot, and I it may have just been my eyes,
but I thought I saw it wriggling.

"I'm not gonna have to clean this up, am I?" Beatrice begrudgingly asked, as the blob
started to drip down the glass.

"We don't even know what it is! It may not have been a bird at all-"
I was interrupted by a second object hitting the window, smashing right through the glass and
landing on our kitchen floor.

We all yelled out our surprise in unison, as the creature got onto its feet.
I thought as first it was another bird, but once I got a better look at it, I almost puked:

The whole thing was covered in the same green mushy stuff on our window, now broken and splattered
all over the room. Its beak was missing completely, and in its place was a bulb like structure, like a flower.
It had soggy looking, almost slime-like wings, and its legs were crooked and spindly.
It turned to me and opened its 'petals.' A long, writhing tongue drizzled out of its gullet.
The thing flapped back up into the air and started shaking off globules of gunk, splattering my dad.

"The hell!" Screamed my dad as he roiled back, his eyes as wide and fearful as I'd ever seen them.
"Shoo, shoo! You little monster!" My mother bawled as she swatted the creature with the broom,
pieces of its body literally falling off with every hit she landed.

To our dismay, more of the 'birds' started flying through the battered window, as I grabbed my baby Ashlee,
now crying, to take her away from the chaos.

"Go, Lloyd! Get the kids! Get them out of here! Camille and I can hold them off!"
My dad had joined in the fray, swiping and slashing a cutting at the ever-growing horde with
one of his kitchen knives. Beatrice picked up her stool and lobbed it into the flock, crushing
a few of the beasts as they encircled my parents.

"Talk about killing two birds with one stool..."
"KEN NOT NOW." I grabbed Kendrick and handed him Ashlee, who was still wailing in fear and confusion.
"Take her to the basement! Both of you, go!" Ken looked at me, frozen.
"Go! Now!"
Ken broke from his stupor and ran down the steps. I prayed to God that they'd be safe down there.

I returned to the kitchen, fire extinguisher in hand, as I aimed up at where the flock was.
In place of my mom and dad was a gigantic green figure, hunched over.
"L-L-L-LLOOOYEEEED."
I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat when it turned around:

It was huge. It almost filled up the whole kitchen. Mom's face, stretched from floor to ceiling, all gnarled
up and covered in bright yellow vines. Its right arm was a twisted birch bundle, covered in the same
gunk those 'birds' had. Dad's body was quite literally the left arm, his body bundled together
like a slimy, wooden mace, his face frozen in a scream.

"DOOO YOU WANT TO... WINNN WITH US LLOYEEED?? DON'T YOUUU WANT TO... HELP US WINN THE GAAAMMEE??!"

I dropped the fire extinguisher.

"L-L-LLLOOYEEEEEED."

I started to back up into the hallway.

"YOU KN-N-NOW, BEATRICE... DID-DID-DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY??"

I bolted to the garage door, and swung it open.

"CAN YOU... BELIEEEEEVE IT, LLOYEED?!?! DON'T YOU UNDERSTA-A-AND WHAT... HAD TO BEEEE DONE?!?!"

The beast kept escalating in volume, getting closer and closer. The sounds of its twigs,
click-clacking against each-other. Its steps, thunderous yet slow. It would only be a matter of
time before it got to the garage.

"SHE BEETRAYYED USSS!! YOUU WOULD NEVER... DO THA-A-AT, MY CHI-I-I-ILD!!"

I began to frantically search the garage, high and low. There had to be something! An axe? No...
The chainsaw, maybe?

Then I had an idea. Perhaps, if I were a confident man, I would have gone for the chainsaw. I would have surely
died doing so. No, no chainsaw...

"WHAT ARE YOUUU DO-ING, HIDING IN THE... GAR-A-A-AGE, L-L-LLOYEEEEED?! LET ME... SEEE YOUR
FAAACE, MY DA-ARLING... BOOYYY!"

I turned to the door, weapon in hand. I could see the branches, snaking their way into the garage.
It bashed through the hall, smashing its way through to me. I was sweating. I was crying. Once Mom's face starting
tearing open the wall, I took aim.

"YOOU SHOULD BE THA-A-ANKFUL, LLOYEED. LIV-ING THINGS, SUCH AS YOURSE-ELF, ARE MUCH... TASTIER THAN HOUS-E-ES!"

I pulled the trigger on the weedkiller sprayer, blasting the wretched creature with herbicides.

"AAAUGH?!" It roiled back in pain, as it started to melt onto the floor. Green and yellow gunk
started pouring into the room, seeping into and searing everything it touched. I couldn't possibly get through the
hall with it in the way, so I opened the garage and quickly ran out. My plan was to get Kendrick and Ashlee
out through the backdoor, but once outside all I could do was stop and stare.

The neighborhood was like a battlefield. I could hear the sirens. I could hear the screaming. More monsters were
climbing over houses, or slinking across the street. Some had yellow vines, others a deep red hue. I saw a woman run
straight through a crowd of the green things. They were fighting each other.
In each beast, a little bit of humanity stuck out.
They were all people.

"YOOU THI-INK, YOU CAAAN GET AW-AAAY WITH A TR-ICK... LIKE THAAAAAT?!"
I wheeled around to see my mother that once was, drooping along half melted.

"WE WILL MAKE SUUUURE TO TAKE... GOO-OOOD CAARE OF LIT-TLE KE-KE-KEN AND ASHHH-LEEE, ONCE YOU
ARE... GOO-OONE-"

Almost out of nowhere, one of the red-vined monsters had leapt on top of my ex-parents,
causing me to fall on my back in surprise.

"N-N-NOOO! LLLOYEEED! HE-ELP USSS... WI-I-IN!!!"

I felt paralyzed from the fall. I could do nothing but lay on the asphalt.
As I stared into the night sky, I could see shapes. Two shapes. They were massive, they almost
took up the entire sky. Then I heard a voice. Not from another monster, but from above...

"Aaaand the first inning is underway! Grab your snacks, folks, 'cause this match is HEATING UP!
WHOO! You better place your bets, Rabs and Snabs! This is gonna be the biggest fight
Yellow Invader and Red Bulbous have ever had this side of the cosmos!"

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