's 2019 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by Carol May (email)

I despised work today. Normally I can tolerate it, but today, work somehow managed to simultaneously be so boring that I wanted my soul to depart from my body and so exhausting I had difficulty standing with appropriate posture. I loathe it with all of my being, but unfortunately, sacrifices must be made if I intend to maintain my desired standard of living. After I got home, I unbuckled my brassiere and all but collapsed onto the sofa, which would have been mortifying for me if the maid was home, but the meek creature was on holiday, so I was alone. All at once, it hit me: I was alone. I could do whatever my devious soul desired without a judging eye. 

Now you might inquire as to why I bother pondering about the cleaning staff’s evaluation of my character, but you see darling, that’s not the issue at stake. When there is another soul in the house, the thought of doing anything even slightly uncouth simply does not occur to me. And you would have to be jesting if you expected me to entertain the thought of sending my maid home early. That’s paying someone to do nothing but breathe and I cannot abide by that preposterous notion under any circumstances.

I ran through all of the wants and wishes I had swimming around in my mind, but once the thought of that emerged from the pool, the choice could be nothing else. It has been a long time since I allowed myself to have any indulgences, so tonight’s escapade was extra special. I know some people do this sort of thing all the time, but I live my life in a much less frivolous manner. Practicality never strays far from my mind. So I made of couple calls to the right individuals of a devious persuasion and before I knew it, he was there at my doorstep. Why, I was so giddy it was hard to contain, but that soon faded when I realized the state of disaster my house was in thanks to my maid’s absence. I scrambled to clean up, not wanting to waste any time. Since I was in such a rush to get everything ready, the mess didn’t take that long to tidy up. That was convenient because I also had to get the room ready, plus he still had to get prepped. The whole process took a bit of spell, but at least the duration of time was productive, more relevant to the plans for my wondrous twilight. Eventually, the prep work was complete, which signaled the proper beginning to that evening’s era of personal enjoyment. I sat down, got comfortable, and embraced what my body was telling me to do. 

Some people start with more obvious anatomical selections, others are traditional and go for the heart, but I prefer the temptations many consider secondary. My first target is usually the leg, which may seem queer to some, but it’s simply what I crave and I will not be ashamed to admit my desires. I thought about obtaining some wine from the cellar, but I like to be lucid for actions that require my undivided attention. My tongue knows where to go to optimize pleasure, though there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I was the one savoring this evening the most. I licked his tender leg back and forth for a time until the inner portions my mouth maneuvered to the forefront. My teeth teased at his skin, nibbling it gently. That may seem rather weird to some, but it’s what feels right to me. Recently, I had conversed with a group of acquaintances to inquire about their methods and it turns out some of them partake in a bit of foreplay—so to speak—as well. I was absolutely gobsmacked to not be alone in that regard, but let’s get back to the main course, shall we?

That man. That human man! That immaculate portion of flesh, composed into the most ravishing of forms. I have to say, the human body is an evolutionary marvel. Its shape, its presence; all of it is so remarkably beautiful! I wanted to savor him forever, but even I know the mortal limitations. The night wouldn't be eternal—I simply needed to get on with the show. It was for the best to begin the festivities, as I had begun drooling with anticipation, an act I would certainly not catch myself doing in less intimate company. Needless to say, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I thought I could last longer, hold onto my composure for just a few seconds further, but it was an impossibility. Even my usually obstinate will has its breaking point.

I bit into the thigh, skin tearing from the pressure of pointed teeth. It was…  delicious. I was just the slightest touch worried, since I’m only an amateur cook at best, but I needn’t have been worried at all. The meat was just how I intended it to be. I do have to confess that I was startled by the intense taste of blood sputtering about on my tongue. You see, I don’t normally prepare my meat rare but it’s a nice change of pace from time to time. The frequencies at which a human screams are quite pleasing to the ears. It was dinner and music all in the comfort of my own home.

I absolutely recommend giving human a try sometime, despite the high prices they go for nowadays. I think that’s partially due to the high demand for more human cuts spiking the prices. I suppose more and more devious individuals everyday are beginning to realize how priceless the flavor of a juicy human is after a long day’s work. Honestly, at this rate, we could eat these things into extinction and that would be such a tragedy. With that in mind, it might not hurt to slow our consumption of them, generally speaking, but like I said earlier, it can’t hurt to satisfy temptations every once and awhile, am I right? You know what? I’m going to take my own advice and grab that wine after all. What a spectacular evening indeed.