's 2019 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by The Distant Suburbs

“See, I should have known something was amiss. My investors… it’s obvious they had ulterior motives ALL ALONG. No one coughs up THAT much money just out of the goodness of their hearts! I was so obsessed with my research in the name of progress and science that I didn’t stop to think what they were going to USE it for. I was so concerned with whether or not I could do it that I didn’t stop to think whether or not I SHOULD. And now I am haunted by the prospect of the nightmares we might have unleashed…”

-“Uh, dude”, Heather said, “YOU were the one who sweet talked me into "funding” you. I have no idea what this is even ABOUT. That was 50 bucks. I’m not some shadowy “investor”, that was my BIRTHDAY money.“

"Ah, but, 50 bucks IS a lot of darkness money, actually. You just can’t tell, because your folks are stinkin’ rich.”

-“Well I’m not rich enough to just give money away for FREE!”, Heather protested, “Let’s get on with this already!”

The teacher sighed.

…“YES, Todd, PLEASE show us what you brought for ‘Show And Tell’. This is starting to get on my nerves.”

The boy was nervously shifting around on his seat.

“BEHOLD, the… the… Ah, whatever, here goes nothing.”

With unsteady fingers, he pulled the lid off the big plastic container.


Finally, the teacher asked with a shaky voice:

…“Is that… TIMMY?!”

-“… I mean… It’s not NOT-Timmy”, Todd stammered.

“Ooooooh…” The teacher wheezed.

-“… See, for starters, it’s also not-not a bunch of frogs…”, Todd proposed.

“Stapled together!”, someone pointed out.

Another pause.

-“You CANNOT tell me you spent the whole 50 bucks on that”, Heather said, “I see 30 bucks here, tops. Where’s my damn money?”

“So I stopped for soda”, Todd groaned. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

The whole class was startled by the sound of the teacher dropping to the floor.