Bogleech.com's 2019 Horror Write-off:

No Such Thing (Part 2)

Submitted by The Bee Keeper

A delicate blue butterfly alighted upon the well’s rim. Et rubbed ets wings t’gether en sipped oop a drop a dew wi’ ets spirally tongue. Oi thought t’meself fer a mooment, that if’n nobody were out yet, then nobodyd be there to sees me make a fool o’ meself. Soo, Oi flipped a coin inta et. Closing me eyes shut loike Oi was a choild ageen. Did Oi hear the clatter uvva coin inna well? No...

This well was only a garden decoration. Ets bottom be no deeper down than Oi be tall... en Oi not be particularly tall. Oi leaned o’er en saw flashing o’ silver as the coin was plummeting evarr deeper into a shaft that easily stretched miles. Or at least that’s the way et seemed.

The coin flipped o’er en o’er unteel et was swallowed oop by the dark. Minutes later a tiny clink greeted me ears. En then...

A scraping. Horrible, like sharp claws onna scritchy surface. A cross between the tackatacka o’ dog feet onna wood floor, en nails diggin’ inta chalkboard. A wrinkly arm as looong as me emerged from the well, bustin’ the bucket en arch, en flopped onto the thistles next to me boots. Et was loike a great turtle’s paw. Black nails a meter stick’s length curved ‘bout all t’way back to me shoulders. Oi couldn’t back a way wi’ out ‘em pointy things diggin’ inta me.

The hill wi’ dried oop brambles lurched forward. Two huge discs o’ light shown beneath the tangled thorny vines. The cobblestone retaining wall moved wi’ the hill loike scaly skin as the hill continued ets slow but steady approach. Et slid towards me unteel all Oi could sees was blinding white light.

“This is your wish, is it?” boomed the hill creature in many chiming voices. They woulduv been beautiful if et were not for the loudness uvem all. Oi didn’t understand, nor did Oi care to. Oi struggled to get out o’ the beast’s grasp. Oi didn’t want to be impaled onna claw, yet Oi couldn’t stand to do nothin’. This thing coulduv done anythin’ wi’ me. Et could eat me. Not that Oi’d make much o’ a meal fer a giant. Et coulduv crushed me easy. Et coulduv done lotssa things to me. But all et did do, was to ask me a question.

Soo as Oi wriggled, en kicked, en even spat at et, wi’out anything gained, Oi began to realize, mebbe Oi needed to answer et. “Yeah” Oi barked at et in frustration.

“Is that a yes?” said the hill, nearly deafening me. “Yes, yes, yeessss! Just lemme go yu fiend!!!” Oi replied, none too politely.

“Excellent.” the melodic chorus that served as the creature’s voice replied.

Oi was steel dazed by the intense light o’ the thing’s gaze. As my eyes finally readjusted to normal daylight. Oi turned en found meself free of ets grasp. The back door opened a smidge en then me sister Rose stepped out, a bedraggled mess. She looked at me wi’ sad black ringed eyes en then quietly axed me if’n Oi was feelin’ alroight. I’duv axed her the same, were et not that Oi’d just been talking to a hill a mooment ago.

Oi didn’t havva good excuse fer meself, en so we both walked inta the house en sat at the kitchen table, wi’ awkward silence as our honored guest.

[Author’s notes: The name of the narrator is Dwoogle Smith and he hails from a mountainous region renowned for its artisanal cheeses, quaint antique barns, and most of all, that it most certainly does not exist. This is based off of a recurring dream that I had night after night for a week. It’s by no means the most elaborate dream I’ve had, but I was getting tired of the NoSuchThings taking over my nights and pretty much ruining them. I tried ignoring them. But that lead to a scenario akin to “Quick don’t think about cats!”. Soooo... I decided to write ‘em down and share ‘em with all of you.]