's 2019 Horror Write-off:

Standard Alien Abduction Story

Submitted by D-Pad

“I think that’s enough for today Barry, don’t you agree?”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s getting too dark, too cold, and I’m starving, while all these fish are lying around just waiting to be eaten. And me, I can’t wait to cook them over a crackling fire.”

“Oh yeah, don’t mention it. I’m drooling already.”

“By the way, John, I think this is the best catch we’ve had in years! We’re so full that I’m starting to fear that the boat will sink before we reach the shore.”

“Barry, if it didn’t sink when you loaded all the beer earlier, I think... Whoa. Whoa.”

“What? What’s going on?”

“Look behind you, in the trees. There are green lights moving around.”

“Johnny boy, why don’t you leave the ghost stories for when we’re sitting by the... Holy shit. Holy shit, you’re right. What the hell are those?”

“I’m not sure, but they’re giving me the creeps. There’s not supposed to be anyone at the park at this time, in this season, right? No hunters. No boy scouts. That’s why we chose to come today.”

“Even if they are, those don’t look like any lights that those people would carry. More like big laser pointers. Maybe it’s some sort of night vision equipment? Argh! Shit! One of them hit me straight in the eye! It hurt!”

“Yes, they... They are pointing at us now. They have spotted us. God damn it! Barry, hold on tight, it’s time to hit these oars hard. If these are some sort of weapon... My god. How close are we to the shore?”

“Pretty close, I think. You’ll have to excuse me, I still can’t fucking see with one eye.”

“Yeah, OK. I... they’re gone. They’re gone, Barry!”

“The lights? Or the fish?”

“The... The lights, of course! Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about... Oh, fuck, you’ve got to be kidding me. You have... Got... To be fucking... Kidding me.”

“What now?”

“No time, paddle! Just help me and paddle! Something big is rising from behind the trees. Some sort of... Oh, I can’t believe... Some sort of spaceship.”

“Ha, ha... Ha... You’re serious, aren’t you? You are serious. Damn it, I’ve just peed my pants. Like a goddamn kid. And now, the fish...”

“The fish? Don’t worry. Throw them! Throw them away! It will help us go faster.”

“Yes, yes, you’re... You’re... No! The light! Shit, my other eye!”

“Hell, now I can’t see either, Barry! How did it reach us so fast? Barry, do you hear me? Bro? Pal?”


“Damn, the boat feels... different... no, this is not the boat... where am I? Can’t see... Barry? Barry, are you here? Can you see anything? Shit, I can’t move either. What the hell is going on?”

“Who’s there? I can hear you. Where are we? What did you do to Barry? Oh, good, I’m starting to see again. I see. Holy shit on a stick! No! No! Aaaaaahhh! How? Why? Why can I see myself up there? Why is my head open? Is that my brain? Oh, Jesus Christ. Why, why, why... Why?! Talk to me, whoever you are! Is this a hospital? Did we have an accident? Sob... Sniff... Please... Please, oh lord... My tears... Why are they that color? They taste like cough syrup. Are you a doctor? Say something, I beg you!”

“Aaaahh! Who the hell? What the hell are you? Stay away! Don’t put your... whatever those are on me! Don’t! What are you holding? What are you going to do? No way! No way! Stop! Stop it, it hurts! It goddamn hurts! Aaaaaahhh! You son of a... Aaaaaahhh! Please, no! Those... Those... I wanna puke, why am I not puking? Shit! On! A! Stiiiaaargh! Gasp... Choke... How the fuck? That’s my liver. My liver! Put it back, asshole! Oh, the pain... Put it back... Sob... Sob... Don’t show it to me like that... What kind of sick bastard... Sob... Fucking demon from Hell! Put it... Hey, that’s a fish. One of our fish. Barry caught it, I remember. The hell?! It doesn’t go there! It doesn’t go there! Put it away, now! Uh? Yes, the stomach. It goes there, but... But don’t! Are you gonna open it? Don’t open it! Shit! Fuck! Aaaahh!”

“No more, please no more. What did I do to deserve this? Hey, no. Leave my brain alone now. What are you inserting there? Sob... This can’t be happening... Sob... Is that me up there? What are you trying to show me? What am I supposed to be doing with... No. No, you sick motherfucker shit-for-brains jerk, no. That’s not me. That cannot possibly be me. I would never do such a thing. Never! Not to a child! Not with a dog! Sniff... Sob... Waaaahh! Waaaaahhh! No, that’s not me... I’m a good person... You’re lying... this is a sick game, isn’t it? I’m not even shaved in that movie; that film. I look older. You’re not going to make me doubt myself. You won’t make me believe that you can see the future. But... Don’t show it to me again, you freak! Damn you to hell and back and... Aaaargh! Enough!”


“Please, no more. We’ve seen that ten times already. I promise I won’t do it. Is that what you wanted to hear? Please let me go already. I promise that I will even kill myself if I ever so much as cross paths with that child. Stop showing that to me now. Stop and... Hey, if you’re going to raise the bed, or whatever this is, you should stitch me up first. Hell, can't you see that my intestines are pouring out? God, I’m getting used to this, haha. It doesn’t even faze me now. Ha, ha, ha! Ha...”


“No. No. No. Nonononononononononono. No.”

“Barry! Not Barry! Waaaaahhh! Bro... My brother... You... Waaaaahhh! Bastard... Demon... Beast... Sob, sob... Waaaaahhh! Momma! Momma, why Barry, why? Boo hoo... Boo hoo... Sob... Gasp... What. Did. You. Do?! Waaaaahhh! Sob... What did he do? What lies did you come up with to excuse this? My brother, dead! No way! Waaaaahhh! Sniff... If I ever... If I can get people to... You can’t get away with this. This... This isn’t happening. No, it’s not happening. Please... Let this be a dream... A bad dream... A nightmare... A...”

“Don’t you fucking open my eyes, you filthy...! Holy fuck n-”