's 2019 Horror Write-off:

The Chosen One

Submitted by BC

The hero of Youwazzen, stood exhausted and irritated, outside the lair of the Beast of Quagmire as his long arduous quest was finally coming to an end. The protruding hill produced from the swamp was completely devoid of life, even the trees, which were normally bare and full of branches always stretching into the sky, were rotting and only about two stories compared to their normal five stories. Our hero, lifting the visor of his helmet, proclaimed with great weariness and anger, “Fucking finally!”

Here I am the supposed hero, of Youwazzen, as I am near the end of this stupid quest, reflecting that saving the world always looks so much easier in the movies and video games. You know the same old routine, kill the monster, get the girls, and become a savior to all. The truth is this job sucks! Since I got to this hell hole, I have been trudging through a filthy swamp for two weeks, up to my butt in muck and suffering from trench foot, and all sorts of other diseases. This was not supposed to be how the story goes; I was supposed to be the liberator of this world. Here I am having to steal food from ungrateful newts, who should be showering their hero in gifts, instead they throw slimy mossy rocks and sticks until I eventually limp away.

This horror show started only two weeks ago. I had just gotten back to my dorm room after class, and was just about to start my shitty assignments; when all of a sudden, a pale blue light stated to erupt from the glass of water on the table right next to my bed. The light took the shape and size of a golf ball at first, but it soon grew and stretched like a piece of play dough. The first shape formed was of the arms, then the head, then the light quickly formed pale hair and a dress that seemed to be made from light blue mist. I thought at first, she would have been quite gorgeous, if only she would have completed the rest of her design. She looked like one of those small wooden human art models, her face was nothing more than an indentation of facial features, her hands with no fingers looking more like a paddle then a hand. The worst part of her appearance is that after her hips instead of legs, her form goes straight down like a snake tail; even though this imperfection is often hidden by her dress it still was distracting.

I would soon come to know her as the Maiden of the Water.  In a voice that sounded like silver bells ringing she began to speak, “Oh Great chosen hero of this world. The land of Youwazzen needs you to slay the dreaded Beast of Quagmire that has been ravaging the lands sense time immemorial. You are our only hope. Please come and drive the beast back to hell it came from o’ glorious one.”                         “Fucking A, finally a chance to get out of this boring and shitty world and go to one where I’m actually appreciated. Sight me the hell up!” Those were my exact words when I agreed to this stupid “quest”.

This near exact scenario had been my dream ever since I was thirteen, leaving this shitty world for one that would truly appreciate me, with all the glory and babes I could ever want. As soon as I said yes, the maiden lifted her left arm and from her “hand” came what appeared to be a soap bubble. The bubble started growing bigger and bigger until it bust, and out came damp glittering silver and gold set of medieval armor, with odd fish designs all over it, including two fish protruding from the helmet. The maiden then raised her right arm and another bubble grew out from her right “hand”. From this bubble, came a huge claymore sword with a golden hilt embedded with sprinkling sapphires.

The armor and weapon she produced had the art of a master blacksmith though every peace looked like an instrument of war. There were just one or two minor details; the armor was about two sizes too big for me with a sword almost a tall as me and looking like it would weigh twice as much as me. I was doubtful of even being able to use the huge this huge sword having never ever wielded a blade of any kind in real life, hell I had never even had a pocket knife. I let her know that if she could provide a gun or at least the muscles to don this armor, such as a six pack or even a in a quieter tone a sexy elf assistant I would be far more effective in concurring the beast. She explained, “Chosen one the sacred armor will shape itself to fit your body when you don it and protect you from all external danger. The armor will bless you with the strength of an Ox the speed of a cheetah and the cunning of an owl. While you wear it no beast or man will be a match for you. The Sword of the Water Maiden will make you a master swords man by just touching its hilt. Its blade is sharp enough that it can cleave any enemy in half.”

As soon as I put on the amour, it shrink to fit my body feeling more like snugly long underwear then metal plating. Though what she did not at the time tell me, was that it turns out all the strength and speed in the world are no match for swampy water, sticky mud, and buzzing insects that can get in-between plating cracks that love the new taste of human blood and flesh. The sword felt almost lighter than air when I picked it up and the blade started to glow a memorizing peaceful dark blue that I had never seen before. The sword turned out more useful, as it could almost cut though almost anything I have found in this sticky swamp of a world, except the trees that seem immune to any damage and were as hard as rocks.

After donning the armor, the maiden opened her arms in a welcoming gesture and from her “face” came another bubble that enveloped my room and transported me along with some of my furniture and even some of my dorms carpet, out into a swamp out in the middle of nowhere. The land of Youwazzen was not the magical kingdom I imagined, instead it was a swampy land of fly’s the size of rats and leeches the size of cats. Instead of wise elf’s and hairy dwarfs, there was ungrateful eyeless newts three feet long standing upright with six appendages wearing blue overalls and cover with brown mossy fur. They have come to dominate almost all the little swampy islands as far as the eye could see. Living in wooden fortresses made from the trees somehow either by waiting until one fall or another way of copping down trees that I have not figured out yet.

Like I said before they took one look at me screamed gibberish and then ran away into their fort, throwing rocks and rotten food from up in the turrets of their fort when I did not leave. After two days of this I finally cornered one while it was out gathering green barriers cover with red stars from the shrubs outside their fort near the water. Though the helmet has made me smarter I still could not understand the stupid creature’s language. I then slashed its throat after the stupid thing started to molt all over my armor spreading its wet dog smell. After this incident I sliced any newts that got in my way for leaving me to die in this stupid swamp, while they stayed dry and safe in their wooden fortresses away from the annoyances and dangers, I had to face on a constant base.

The only good thing in this world was when the Maiden of the Water appears. Although I am still resentful for her bringing me here to this shitty mud hole; I am still grateful for her presents because she would shoo away the other creatures. One such example being German Shepherd size fish that resembled koi fish that kept pushing me underwater attempting to drown me while they nibbled at my armor. Another example of her saving me was when she showed me a rout around a candle wax looking web of spider monsters that was covering all the trees and plants for what seemed to be miles around. The creatures themselves that supposedly never left their webs were three feet tall that resembled a spider an octopus and a human covered in yellow and red hair. She always randomly appeared in all her mysterious glory, and finally the maiden had shown me right to the best lair and to my just reward.

Death loomed in the air throughout my journey inward over the hill of the beast lair. The sky itself began bleaching red as I continued traveling into this cursed land. After growing over some more hills, I noticed that oddly the land itself started to curve inward like a bowl becoming more like a desert then the swamp I was used to fighting though. The ground was dry and barren, like after a brutal heat wave. Further and further down I finally saw what must be the beast, only to be once again disappointed. Instead of a ferocious dragon spewing fire on a mountain of gold, the beast was a huge fat toad fused with what seemed to be a gecko. Its skin was highlighter light blue with neon orange diamonds patterns, running through its back and legs. It had six legs all of which ended in long frog like fingers instead of claws. The face had the expression of complete idiocy, with huge bulging yellow eyes looking in opposite directions.

Swinging my sword, I charged the beast and was knocked back like it was made of rubber.  Swearing I swung again hoping to do some damage to this stupid toad. That was when I notice that the creatures tongue quicker the lighting had wrapped around my waste. As I was dragging into the air I swung my sword in order to cut myself free only to notice that my glorious sword was staring to lose its luster. As I got closer to the monster’s mouth, my amour started to turn brown melting into nothing more than muddy leaves, while my sword quickly fell apart into a rotten tree branch as sand and pebbles fell away. In shock I barely noticed the beast’s salivating mouth was over me and as I went down into the darkness, this quest truly sucked from beginning to end.


Her meal finished the Best of Quagmire slowly moved her bloated body out of her lair to the swamp up above. As she moved, she could feel the hero still struggle in her gullet knowing it would take three days for him to completely digest. Slowly she knelt down near a patch of muddy water and started to search for her next meal in the other world as the so-called Maiden of the Water appeared next to her. The maiden started to break down into her true form; dissolving into a swarm of insects like balls of light that feed on the filth and muck of the beasts scales. The beast watched image after image of the other world in the water which soon ripped to show another disgruntled man next in line for processing.