Filthy, flatulent and literally spineless, this pitiful garbage-eater perceives itself as all-knowing, all-powerful and stunningly attractive; a perception it can force upon others through a mind-warping call not entirely unlike the sound of bagpipes in a trash compactor. All those who succumb to this psychic assault become convinced that no creature is greater than the bird of pride, and that they alone are second to its greatness by association. They devote their entire existence to pleasing the hideous monster by any means possible, shunning friends and family who manage to resist enslavement.

   Followers of pride grow uglier, weaker and stupider as it drains information from their minds and periodically feeds upon their bodily fluids, necessitating a steady stream of fresh victims to brainwash. It is not uncommon for entire religious cults to form as a front for this monster's activities.

   Bile, excrement and maggots are among Pride's favorite meals. When excited, it sweats a substance resembling curdled milk, with a strong sulphuric odor.

Its sense of humor is unbelievably immature.



Contents copyright Jonathan Wojcik

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