Written by Jonathan Wojcik


   You have to feel a little sorry for Golbat; originally the top Chiropteran in town, it was abruptly overshadowed by its evolution, Crobat, introduced in only the second generation, and the completely unrelated scorpion-bat hybrid, Gligar. Adding insult to injury, Gligar would later evolve into the must more menacing Gliscor, the fifth generation would introduce the cutesy Swoobat, and generation six has already unveiled Noivern, a sleek and formidable-looking dragon type bat.

   Golbat was even robbed at an early age of one of its coolest features; a gigantic, dripping tongue seen only in its earliest, crudest video game sprite. It's as if the pokeworld is hell-bent on making everyone forget poor Golby, whose supersonic and leech life were once the bane of our existence.

   Golbat even loses the one thing that makes Zubat so cool; the complete and total lack of eyes, like a true subterranean troglobite, which is amazingly rare among Pokemon considering how many are based on actually eyeless organisms. It seems as though the world just doesn't want poor Golby to stand out in any memorable way, having robbed it of its horrifying slobber, troglobitism and its status as top bat several times over...but there's one thing Golbat has never given up.

   While plenty of other pokemon have huge, gaping mouths, Golbat is by far the king of gaping mouthishness, with over 90% of its body dominated by its wings and that black, yawning void of a maw. Where does that even go? Where is its digestive system? We know it can feed on blood directly through its fangs, like a vampire, so maybe it doesn't even need a stomach. Maybe the mouth is little more than one humongous, fanged sucker for latching on to even the largest victims. We've never even seen it closed. Anywhere. Not once.

Crobat may have more wings, Gliscor may have lobster claws, Swoobat may be fluffier and Noivern may have 100% more dragonocity, but show me any other pokemon you can describe as little more than a flying hole with teeth.

I thought so