Written by Jonathan Wojcik

DAY 937: An Apology

   So, let me level with you guys; I planned a lot of special content for this Halloween season. A lot. There were a dozen new things I wanted to try in celebration of my thirtieth Halloween on such a kooky-spooky calendar year as two-thousand and thirteen, and I'll admit, maybe I bit off a little more than I could chew. "Pokeween" was a last-minute addition when I decided I wanted to do something special for the release of X and Y, and I completely dropped the ball on my original promise to count down thirty-one 'mons until the new generation's official release. Some of you didn't even like where it was going when I was keeping up with it.

   Between school, a bout with strep throat and the many other big projects I've been slaving away at, pokeween kind of fell to the wayside. That's not even getting into the fact that I actually went out and bought a 3DS and Pokemon X on release night, which has obviously been doing its best to become one of the only things in my life.

  To make it up to you, I'm going to pick up where I left off and finish off Pokeween once and for all, starting with a pokemon we all know and love, that badass as hell fighting/steel anthropomorph....


   Lucario has graced us with his presence for a good ten years now, entire generations of young fans growing up to idolize the graceful yet intimidating bipedal canine. One of the single most common topics of pokemon fan art, fan fiction and cosplay, it's doubtful that anyone out there doesn't find the "Aura Pokemon" appeal[ng on one level or another.

   As a fighting/steel type, Lucario battles primarily with the metallic spikes protruding from its paws and chest, which some fans have even likened to crucifixion symbolism, and knowing Japan's taste in foreign religious iconography, it might not be all that big of a stretch, really. Others, meanwhile have compared its humanoid, Jackal-like appearance to Anubis, the Egyptian god of the dead. It's easy to see why some might find so much depth and edginess to the design, and how it may have earned a place on pokeween alongside so many morbid ghouls and fiends.

   Personally, I think the most interesting thing about Lucario are its reproductive habits. Every other pokemon hatches from an egg, but Lucario just shows up in your party unannounced, permanently replacing one of your existing pok[emon even if you had an available party slot. Nobody, of course, wants any other pokemon as much as they want a Lucario, and more time you spend battling with your new symbiote, the more you'll find yourself enamored with its superior beauty, power and vast, vast knowledge. Forever.

   Do not displease your Lucario. Do not elevate any pok[[[mon to the status of Lucario. Do not compare any other pok[[[mon to Lucario. Do not demand that Luc///o associate on equal terms with the unawakened. They are empty vessels, waiting holes in the cloth# that can only be f[[[[ed by the wisdom and grace that is LUCAR[[O. Do not attempt to touch your Lucario. Prolonged visual contact with Lucario is exp9;sively carcinogenic. Do not deny the existence of a four-cornered universe in the presence of your Lucario.