Written by Jonathan Wojcik

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Kaiju from Big Man Japan

Big Man Japan is a movie I actually saw at a convention, the year it came out! Shot like a mockumentary, it follows a hero who can grow to enormous size to take on various monsters, but despite protecting countless lives, he's hated and ridiculed by the populace as a slovenly loser and unnatural freak.

Monsters in the setting have no known origin, but generally look like distorted humans themselves, such as the demonic Red Menace here, actually the final monster in the film. We'll be looking at the rest in order of how interesting I find them!

The "child monster" is the most pitiful of the bunch, resembling an abnormally proportioned baby with a head kind of like a grown man. People didn't seem to fear this monster, which did little more than lie around, but when the Big Man tries to pick it up, it latches onto his nipple. This causes the "hero" to drop the monster on its head, killing it, to the disgust and horror of the general public.

The "leaping monster" is nothing but a huge head and leg, which seems to just enjoy leaping around for the heck of it. That's the thing with a lot of these monsters; their motivations seem mostly to enjoy themselves.

The "strangling monster" has one of the strangest designs; a humanoid made up of white, plastic looking segmentation, with a very long neck and a set of band-like arms that join in the middle. It uses this to constrict and crush buildings, and weirdly, kind of looks like it's in ecstacy about it. It also had a human head with a combover it repeatedly "flips," all around a wacky yet terrifyingly surreal entity.

The "stink monster" is the only hint we get that these monsters might be species, because the first one we see is a female attempting to attract a mate. While not destructive, she attracts her mate by standing around in a populated city releasing her repulsive stench, and Big Man is at least nice enough to just ask first that she move along.

With four pale, pink, red-lipped petals sprouting down from her neckless face, the female stink monster looks like an incredibly unwholesome cross between human and stinkhorn fungus.

The male, on the other hand, has a more phallic looking head and a ring of meaty petals around his waist, flapping like a skirt as he leaps wildly through the city. I'm genuinely curious to know more about life in this world full of wretched, horrible giants.

The best remembered creature in the whole film, however, is easily the "Evil Stare Monster," the least humanlike of the bunch; it's a hairy, headless humanoid with unsettlingly bony limbs that kind of reminds me of a fuzzy, flightless bird, and its singular large eye is attached to a worm-like cable sprouting right out of its crotch.

This monster rather distressingly uses the eye like a wrecking ball, but must dip it in water to wash the shards of glass and other rubble from its ocular membrane.

Sadly, this monster's one weakness is that it instantly falls asleep if it can no longer see light, so when it hurls its eye into a dark building, it conks out immediately...and Big Man is able to beat it to death :(