Scrapbook of Horrors III

   I've ran out of things to say at the start of these...



  Body-part Monster Keychains  

   I bought these from "buck bean novelties" (some body part monsters may not be suitable for minors. Unfortunately, those are sold out) and removed the screw-in keychain parts, leaving just an incredible set of figures that could have walked right out of some NES space-shooter.




Newfangled Finger-Puppet Monsters


     Floppy, bug-eyed monster finger puppets have been around for generations, but in recent years it seems that they have taken on new, more elaborate designs. While the classic set of vaguely-different duckbilled dinosaurs is probably near and dear to many people, I'd have to say this modern set is a lot more diverse and exciting. The top four are the coolest, though the other four have more personality. The elephant-bug with green brains is probably the most unique.



Squishy Octopus

   Currently sold alongside summertime beach & pool toys at Target, this thing is now a part of the growing octopus collection that decorates my bathroom. When squeezed, it reveals the tiny dolphin and shark that I assume it swallowed in protest of the ancient shark/dolphin war.


Turtoads...or Toadles?

   This was a dollar-store lawn decoration I picked up in 2004, and currently sits by the fridge with a bunch of plastic dinosaurs and some "Hero Quest" furniture. One might assume that these are turtles so heavily styleized that they just kinda-sorta also look like toads, but the ACTUAL frog and toad statues look exactly the same, minus shells.


  In case you've never actually seen these fantastic toys, here's the four that I currently own: Burp, Cough, Bellybutton Lint, and (my favorite) Body Odor. I only found out recently that they were once named "deadliest toy of the year" and pulled from shelves because their test-tubes could be broken into razor-sharp pieces. Awesome.
Balloon Octopus Dog Toy

   It's not a fake octopus, but a fake fake octopus. A toy in the shape of octopus-shaped balloons. If only Buddha were alive today, he'd have a thing or two to say about this. Since he's not, it will just have to sit quietly on the back of my toilet with 15 other rubber (sometimes porcelain) cephalopods.



Slightly Strange Halloween Stickers


   You knew some of my Halloween crap would leak its way in here. The main reason I never put these in one of my Halloween pages is because I never really noticed how slightly strange they really are, specifically the first one, which wouldn't even be that weird at all if the moon wasn't crying. I guess being face-sat by a giant pumpkin isn't nearly as fun as it sounds.,


Space-bee band
   These painfully adorable vending machine toys seem to be related to those other tiny vending-machine aliens, but play various instruments instead of various doubt conquering lowly mammal-run planets such as ours with the unstoppable power of cute, squeaky rock music.


"Fistful of Aliens" "Gangreens"
   Standing less than an inch high, these are some very cool and interesting figures that sadly just didn't take off in the U.S. They were part of an admittedly stupid game that was really nothing more than Rock-Paper-Scissors with alien races. These insectoid "Gangreens" were the only creatures resistant to the acidic "Bluspews", who's acid could dissolve the muscles of the Gangreen-smashing "Dredrocks".


   All of these guys had names, and most of them were pretty silly (the first one in the photo is "Burp n' Bake"). Some of them, however, had their own ridiculous collectable cards...these were the "mutants" which fused two types of alien together.


"Clever" Anglerfish Aquarium Decoration
   I don't decorate my aquariums with this sort of blatantly phony stuff, but you already know that things like "intended use" mean absolutely nothing to me.


   It's not often you see anglerfish merchandise, much less demonstrating so much wit. "Gone Fishing" aquarium signs are one in a million, but this one's being worn as a bib by an Anglerfish...get it!? Because she's "Gone Fishing" no matter where she is! This is the sort of thing old people would find unbelievably funny if old people were expected to know what an anglerfish was. Gary Larson would be proud.


Halloween mini-activity-books with "Dragon Warrior" Mummy.

   Yeah, this is another one I couldn't find a specific place for in the Halloween section, but it really deserves special mention in a fancy new page like this anyway. To the untrained eye, there's nothing really unusual about these dollar-store party favors, but to sad, dumpy gamers named, I dunno, Jonathan or something, that mummy is suspiciously familiar.


   Perhaps it's because the mummy, and only the mummy, has been inexplicably ripped off from the popular "Dragon Warrior" (or "Dragon Quest") console RPG series:




   On the left is "Mummy" from the official "Dragon Warrior Monsters II" strategy guide. Designed, like everything else in the game, by esteemed manga artist Akira Toriyama, this mummy has been a recognized staple of the series since its debut on the original Famicom.


  The most interesting thing about these booklets isn't just that they stole an obscure videogame monster, but that the other five monsters aren't stolen from anywhere...though they appear to have been based deliberately on the art style of the stolen mummy.




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