Bogleech.com's 2014 Horror Write-off:
" Poems to Vocalize Through your Orifices "
Come to me, child, and you just might hear
a tale of truth and of doubt,
and if you can listen despite your fear,
you may know what it's about.
As a garbageman I worked before,
a boring and filthy work,
and's I surveyed the landfill floor
I felt the need to shirk.
The supervisors couldn't see, quite,
for I was far agone,
and once my glass pipe was alight
I skittered from hither to yon.
Behind the glory of Mt. Garbagot
I crawled in my hidey hole,
a tiny cave of detritus and rot
that myself'd burrowed out like a mole.
In this hovel I simmered and let out frustrations,
'bout bosses and love lives and such,
howling and spitting nonsense incantations
with my wee glass pipe in my clutch.
In a spitting of particular vitriol
a noise sounded out just outside,
and's I went to investigate outside the hole
there's a sight that made my eyes go wide,
In the soft loamy trash of my stinkhorn crop
a crater was sizzlin' with heat
a white smoke billowed from the thing that had dropped
and left that there hole in the peat.
I neared it with caution and a good dose of fear
knowing not what'd be in the fumes,
I've always been one to play things by ear
no matter the chance o' my doom.
I reached in the white and to my surprise
I felt not a rock o' starfall
and's I pulled the thing up before my eyes
It was clearly a little one's doll!
The doll had been tarnished from muck and decay,
and was cracked from its head to its toe.
It looked itn'd been cleaned since its first worldly day,
but how long that was I'll never know.
The thing had no hair on its head left intact,
and its eyes were in even worse shape.
They were both gone, as a matter of fact,
so a tinker I then chose to ape.
With a thought in my head I went looking for parts,
in particular new looking-globes,
and's I dug through a pile of old broken hearts
a new idea sparked in my lobes.
"Well, gee," says myself, "I could make two brand new!"
and I set out to do just that.
Now that I knew what I was going to do
I just had to find eye-making tat.
I found some sandpaper up north by the gate
and a lathe by the scrap metal mine,
by a pile of glass eyes I found some bones that'd work great
and new hair that would also be fine.
With femur in hand I worked hard and grand,
on the lathe it was ground to a ball,
then I smoothed it up fine with the paper o' sand
'til it was the finest see-sphere of 'em all.
As I put the new ogler in the doll's oglin' hole
an odd voice hit the back of my head.
"Who defiles my bones and stirs up my soul!?
Let me out, or I shall strike thee dead!"
"Well I'll be!" sayeth me, "What a neat little toy!
It can talk and all o' that crap!"
louder now the doll shouts, "Foolish boy!
I see I must forcibly shut your trap!"
As pain wracked through me and my blood had a'pooled
a'mingling in the great sea of funk,
I thought "Well that dolly is really quite cool,
to think someone'd thought it as junk!"
All the good people here
have this look of true fear
and they claim I've eaten the princess.
But what they can't see
is she's in a suit made of me
and soon all of them'll be next.
there, just under the daisy crop
is a wonderful store
with sweeties galore
to fill even black hearts up with joy.
when you see it you simply must stop,
for its sugar delights
will have you dreaming for nights
just like every good girl and boy.
There's gummies so juicy it runs down your neck,
with no one to scold you if it drips on the deck.
There's no pushers or lookers or parents to see,
and there ain't no cashiers because all of it's free!
Upstairs they got gumdrops n' Juicy Fruit, too
(Even if it goes grey after nary a chew.)
They've got peppermint sticks in all manner o' shape
peanut brittle, candy cigs, even pink Bubble Tape!
Yes, there's licorice strands and taffy for miles
so dig in your hands and give a big smile.
Where it's never too hot and never too noisy,
and they've got locations from Bangkok to Boise!
don't get caught by the big soursop
who'll yell and scream
and stomp on your dreams
and chase you out with his shiny pike.
if you're not careful you'll surely be lopped,
but for now, little kids,
go pop open the lids,
and just rip out whatever you like.
"Where be that damn'ed mortal coil?" said the blightnik with a scoff,
"My mortal watch stopped ticking and I fear it's shuffled off!"
As I watch from my spot at the end of the lane
there's a thing far ahead that just drives me insane,
it's a shadowy figure that keeps blundering on
but all the thing ever does is go hither and yon.
Hither, yon, yon, hither, yon, hither.
Back to the spot where it stood once before
as its hithers and yons never numbered one more
and I wait on this road for the thing's mind to change
but it never ends up at a differing range.
Hither, hither, yon, hither, yon, yon.
Its form is obscured by the mist of the morn
but it's black and it looks from the night it was torn.
Its arms can't be counted from this far away,
perhaps I shall wait until later today.
Yon, yon, hither, hither, yon, hither.
As I watch the thing go about hith'ring and yon'ing
my patience is thinned and I find myself yawning,
what a bore the thing is, what a fool, what a joke!
To think I had fear of this big naifly bloke!
Hither, yon, yon, yon, hither, hither.
After hours of sitting and watching this sap,
I feel quite drowsy, much in need of a nap.
So now as I lay myself down for some sleep,
I crack open my eyes for a last little peep.
Hither, hither, hither, hITHER, H
When the house is dark
and you are all unawake
the olves will come out,
with hairy tendrils
the unsavory sniffers float
through the cool of night
sucking in the scents
they take all the whiffs they want
leaving none behind.
When up at late hours
listen for snorts from the black
and don't make a smell.
So remember, child
to mind your wandering nose
just as it minds you.