" INSTRUCTIONS AND RULES "

I passed by a garage sale the other day.



Amongst all the rubbish, a box full of old books and magazines caught my eye.



Rifling through its contents, I found enough things of interest to purchase the whole box.



Back home, while sorting through the stuff, I found a black notebook.



It was in pretty bad shape; some parts where charred, and the whole thing looks like it was soaked.



The pages were mostly stuck together, and the ones I managed to tease free were smudged beyond recognition.



But a few pages near the center were still readable, but it was all pretty strange.



Written in black marker were a set of instructions for a zoo.



Some of the instructions were pretty mundane; feeding schedules and so on.



But the night entries were something different.



Here are the entries I could make out:



WEEKLY DUTIES: REMINDER (21)



-REMEMBER: TUESDAY IS DROWNING DAY



-On Tuesday night, at least two workers should take Carl the camel and take him to Enclosure B5 (the old hippo enclosure).



-Make sure the people chosen are strong and physically fit.



-Lead Carl down the ramp into the pool. He won't struggle.



-Now here's the tough part; hold Carl's head under the water until he drowns.



-One person should concentrate on holding his head down; the other should focus on preventing Carl from breaking free.



-If he breaks free, just approach him and try again.



-If you're still having trouble, there are weights in the locker that you can tie to Carl's head, but be sure to return them immediately afterwards.



-Make sure to drown Carl at least one hour before midnight. You can do it anytime after sundown.



-Once Carl has been drowned, leave his body in the pool, return the weights if used, then lock the enclosure.



-The night shift manager should then watch camera B5a, which overlooks Enclosure B5.



-At around midnight, Carl will start to move, and eventually attempt to leave the pool.



-When Carl leaves the pool COMPLETELY, turn off the monitor WITHIN 3 SECONDS, and do not look at it again.



-At the end of shift; turn on the monitor, and check for Carl. If everything seems normal, send someone down to take Carl back to his enclosure.



-REMEMBER: The shift manager must watch Carl's body on B5a at around midnight to make sure he gets out of the pool, and again at the end of shift to make sure he's still there and alone. If you see a shadow approach and enter the pool (usually from the left), turn off the monitor, call the emergency number and wait for further instructions.



-There is only one light source in B5. IF CARL HAS MORE THAN ONE SHADOW, shut off the monitor and call the emergency number.



-DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DROWN CARL AFTER MIDNIGHT.



-Always make sure the pool has enough water to drown Carl.







WEEKLY DUTIES: REMINDER (22)



-Wednesday is Zebra Cleanout Day.



-Slice open each zebra's belly. Be sure to cut along the line, that what the stripes are for.



-Check inside thoroughly with a flashlight.



-If you find GIANT LAND SNAILS: make sure to remove each one, then pack the abdomen with salt.



-If you find a GIANT FACE: clear the eyes of rheum and the nose of mucus. Remove blackheads. Apply lip balm, but be careful not to insert anything into the mouth.



-If you find eggs/orbs, take out the black ones but leave the rest.



-If you find nothing, just wash it down with water.



-Remember to close them up afterwards.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (31)



-Every night, someone should head to Rita the rhino's enclosure with a bag of salt and anti-fouling paint.



-Throw salt on her head and around her until she withdraws into her shell.



-Scrape off any barnacles or shipworms, then apply the anti-fouling paint.



-Be sure to watch her head; even when retracted, she'll try to bite if you're too close.



-Hose her head and enclosure down after the paint dries to get rid of the salt.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (32)



-At around 1:39 AM, all capuchin monkeys will fall from their perches simultaneously. This is normal.



-If you ever need to go into the capuchin enclosure at night, remember: DO NOT ACCEPT THEIR GIFTS. This means anything handed to you, even a leaf or feces.



-You can give them treats to distract them if you want, just don't accept anything in return.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (33)



-Sometimes, the pigs will savage one of their number. This is normal.



-They will consume every scrap before dawn, and the GRAYMOTHER will give birth to a new one to replace it.



-Enter to clean the enclosure only after they've finished eating, and only after the latest addition grows to full size.



-Make sure to feed the newest member at least 800 grams of blood meal. Make you have a ready supply. You can tell which one is the newest by the umbilical stump.



-If they savage more than one, call management before the end of shift. Replacements will arrive with the next shift.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (32)



-Each night, check if any pelicans have vomited out their skeletons. Remove and dispose of bones.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (36)



-Giselle the giraffe spins a cocoon each night. Do not disturb her during this time.



-Giselle will hatch before the end of the shift. Again, do not disturb her.



-If she still hasn't finished by the end of the shift, you may assist her. Sometimes she will need help in removing the casing from her legs and neck.



-Be very careful; she is soft and vulnerable at this stage.



-Clear away the cocoon afterwards.



-If Giselle emerges with wings, or with more than four legs, call the emergency number and wait for further instructions.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (37)



-Brutus the gorilla will sometimes eviscerate himself; do not interrupt him.



-He will carefully arrange his organs on the floor in a shape, then fall unconscious.



-Once the above is complete, OTTO will manifest.



-OTTO manifests in one of two modes which act differently. So before interacting with OTTO, note the shape and configuration of the organs:



1-IF THE SHAPE IS A CIRCLE WITH THE KIDNEYS IN THE CENTER: HAPPY OTTO



2-IF THE SHAPE IS A TRIANGLE WITH THE LIVER IN THE CENTER: BENIGN OTTO



3-IF THE SHAPE IS A TRIANGLE WITH THE SPLEEN IN THE CENTER: BENIGN OTTO will manifest, but you must call the emergency number immediately.



-Before the end of the shift, Brutus will wake up and put his organs back inside, and OTTO will disappear.



-IF BRUTUS STARTS PULLING OUT HIS BONES, CALL THE EMERGENCY NUMBER.



REGARDING OTTO:



-OTTO resembles a large skinned ape missing its left arm.



-OTTO has two modes when he appears:



1-HAPPY: OTTO is harmless, and will not interfere with duties. OTTO is even helpful at times, and will clean up trash etc.



2-BENIGN: OTTO is mostly harmless, but will not be helpful. Do not interact with OTTO; ignore him as much as possible.



-HAPPY/BENIGN  OTTO will transform into ANGRY OTTO when triggered by certain events.



1-If molested/assaulted in any way. You may gently push BENIGN OTTO to move him out of the way, but only as a last resort, as it is difficult to gauge exactly how much force is safe.



2-If direct eye contact is made for too long. Estimated safe time is 8 seconds.



3-If BENIGN OTTO is directly addressed/spoken to.



4-If left in complete darkness for more than a few seconds. Make sure all lights are functioning to prevent this. If the power goes out, if you're fast enough you can prevent this by shining a light on him. Once transformation occurs, turning the lights back on will not reverse it.



-If OTTO transforms, call the emergency number and initiate lockdown.



-ANGRY OTTO can be stunned briefly by splashing him with water. Use this to your advantage.



-OTTO can also be briefly blinded by flashing lights. This only works in the dark.



-Do not attempt to wake up Brutus or place his organs inside his body in an effort to banish OTTO.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (38)



-Every night, someone will bring a lactating dog. Sometimes it'll be sedated.



-Take the dog and ointment provided to the flamingo enclosure.



-Let the flamingoes suckle. Make sure they don't implant any eggs.



-While they're feeding, pluck off their plumage and rub the ointment into their skin. Also check enclosure for eggs and remove them. Destroy them out of sight of the flamingoes.



-After they finish, take the dog out of the enclosure. You may offer it food and water to calm it down. Someone will come and pick it up.



-When their plumage grows back, if it's any abnormal colors, call management. 



-Employees who are lactating should not enter the flamingo enclosure.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (39)



-Make sure all vent/drain covers are securely fastened, especially near the sloth enclosure.



-CHECK ALL VENTS/DRAINS, even if they seem too small.



-If they get into the vents, be careful sending out personnel to the enclosures. Staff quarters have a separate ventilation system, so they're safe areas.



-If they get into the drains, they've basically got access to the plumbing. DO NOT USE THE RESTROOMS, SINKS OR TAPS.



-Either way, call the emergency number.



-The flamethrower in locker 7b is your best bet to slow them down. Some staff report success with lighters and aerosol sprays.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (40)



-Regarding Dorian the donkey: Sometimes a fully formed adult donkey will burst from his belly. This is normal, and the new animal is to be referred to as Dorian as well.



-When it happens, make sure to wash him and clean his enclosure before next shift.



-Cut up the carcass and put it in the carnivore freezer.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (41)



-Sometimes Leopold the lion's face will melt and stream off his skull.



-When this happens, take a container of mercury from his locker down to his enclosure.



-Remember to wear the gloves and mask provided. Mercury is very toxic, so be careful when handling it.



-Be sure to observe all precautions; contrary to appearances, he's not blind in this state.



-Pour the whole container into his watering dish.



-At the end of the shift, come by with a syringe to suck up any leftover mercury and put in a bottle.



-Clean the enclosure, and remember to inform management of what happened.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (42)



Regarding Elsie the Elephant:



-Bring two feed bags from the storage room; if there is only one, call the number and another will be delivered.



-Remember: respect the hierarchy of the parts. There is a chart posted next to the enclosure, but the important thing to remember is the rump is the ALPHA of the group, and the external head is the OMEGA.



-Always feed the ALPHA first until it's satisfied, then proceed with the other parts.



-Always feed OMEGA last.



-You can't just dump the food, or OMEGA will be prevented from eating.



-If the others sometimes attack OMEGA or each other, do not be alarmed. They are just reinforcing the pecking order; BETTAs bully GAMMAs, and so on. As long as OMEGA doesn't get preferential treatment, no serious injuries will occur.



-IF YOU SEE ALPHA MATING WITH OMEGA, CALL THE EMERGENCY NUMBER IMMEDIATELY.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (44)



-On some nights, Terry the tiger will begin vomiting up a number of items, so be ready.



-Prepare at least twelve jumbo garbage bags, and wait until he finishes.



-Remember; keep biological and nonbiological items separate; if you're not sure, ask the supervisor.



-If any of the items are still alive, or too big for the bags, call management. A team will be sent to dispose of them.



-If Terry vomits up the UMBERCHILD, leave the area, seal the enclosure, and call the emergency number.



-There have been many false alarms. Just because it has human hands doesn't mean it's the UMBERCHILD; wait until you can see the head. You'll have plenty of time to evacuate, so don't worry.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (47)



-If you hear knocking/laughing from inside storage closet 319 (gazelle enclosure), DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. Get your stuff from somewhere else.



-DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LOCK STORAGE CLOSET 319.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (48):



-When going down corridor F2, if it appears to turn to the left, turn around and go back, then walk down until it corrects itself.



-DO NOT WALK DOWN THE LEFT BRANCH.







NIGHT DUTIES: REMINDER (49)



-At night, the corridors in Areas F and G are patrolled by the NARWHAL. This includes corridors E6 and E7.



-The NARWHAL can pass from wall to wall, but can only do so if they are parallel (more or less). This includes the floor and ceiling.



-That's why the corridors in these areas have triangular alcoves with sloped floors and ceilings. Memorize their positions; when you're in one, it can't get at you. Rooms, closets, and enclosures in these areas are also safe havens, but make sure to close the door behind you so it doesn't enter from the wall directly opposite the door.



-It can't detect you in the alcoves either. So if you go into one while it's after you, you'll disappear from its view.



-Be careful though. Sometimes it will remain around the alcove/door, waiting for you to come out. Don't poke your head out around corners; use the camera on your phone to check instead.



-Listen closely; when the NARWHAL is close by, you'll hear a constant drone, like scraping a fingernail along a comb.



-If you get caught away from an alcove/rooms, run towards the nearest corner. Corners confuse it and slow it down, but don't stand too long directly in front of the corner, as it's parallel to the opposing wall.