Bogleech.com's 2015 Horror Write-off:
" Informal Report "
Submitted by Aoakesme (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Hey, Vivilor, I have the report you fucking asked for.
Three months ago you sent me to study what you could only call “Rape Pythons” and by the gods and all above you were right, you just didn’t tell me how fucking huge they were. Not to mention they’re a tad worse than what you said. These things are ridiculous, they’re nothing like I’ve ever seen.
The beasts look like a jaw-less snake that happens to be preposterously wide, or most individuals happened to be. To be a bit more precise, the snakes on average was a meter high, a meter eighty wide and they can modify their lengths, despite that on average they measure up to eight.
Their outter hides are vastly different than their stomachs, resembling alligator scales that can change size whenever needed to stretch or retract. Said scales appear to be of stone, but looking at it closer reveals as if it was rubber or latex, even more resilient than both. Now the scary part is the small slits here and there, surrounded by odder scales so they look like those sea parasites that stick to various objects like rocks really. Not to mention that they make fantastic waterproof clothes., one-size fits all.
It’s belly is completely covered in the thickest, most oily hair I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot. It’s almost like quills in fact, but again, after I managed to kill one of the things I can confirm they’re small patches of hair that get entangled and grow great lengths. The oil leaking from the base of the hair is really akin to that of hot glue, if it never dried and was cold.. To me that’s just horrible. So in a way they’re like snails, but in the shape of snakes with a rock-looking hide and hairy belly.
Not to mention the soulless glare they can and always emit from the two “eyes” on the side of the skull. They’re like big marbles that emit a soft red light. They’re pretty much exactly like that in fact, and I have a few in my pocket as I’m writing this. When you rip them out from the sockets, there’s a red string that writhes and is attached to the socket. You can scrape it off real easy, and the eyes remain very clean. It’s like if the stringy things aren’t part of the eye, if I should call it that at all.
Now their behaviour, by the lords above that must be why you sent me to check them. They’re the oddest things ever, always swaying their heads side-to-side on a beat, always. It’s like if they have a song stuck in their head and they always follow the beat. It’s to be noted that not all of these things have the same beat, and some can be drastically different. When they move around, they slither just like any proper snake however. But in accordance with the beats in their minds, they move around faster or slower, which also causes them to be longer or shorter. I’ve seen some that look more like maggots, but others look more like strings, which, they are clearly the nastier ones due to sheer speed. It’s to note that when they retract, they’re much more difficult to kill due to more resilience. I have no idea if they sway like that to avoid or to hypnotize, but either seems to work. Once I had my speakers nearby, and one of them arrived. I immediately played a song, and it paused for seconds. It then adjusted it’s length, and started swaying to it’s beat. (It was a waltz, so I felt relatively safer than whatever it was before.) I tested it a bit, changing the song multiple times as I of course had to fight to the death, and it stopped working after seven tries. What horrifies me is that in future combats, where I still had access to my stereo, it stopped working after three… They’ve learned my tactics in two weeks.
Now this isn’t even it, no sirree, it gets worse. Their dietary and reproduction habits are intertwined. When they see prey, such as the weird deer fauna from around the forests, they coil around it and squeeze the prey in a matter of seconds, making it fairly easy to know when the deer dies with a pathetic cough. It’s affected me a first, but the following was a bit too much. After a few more seconds of it standing still, I see thickening oil from between the scales intensifying. From the slits here and there across it’s entire body, giant spurts of slime comes out of each slits until the beast is completely covered. The monsters slither out of it’s mess, pretending that nothing happened and goes on it’s merry way.
The slimy mess then hardens, becoming a large cocoon. After an hour or more, I wasn't counting, a new snake breaks out of it, a smaller copy of the beast earlier. It leaves the cocoon, giving me the chance to take a look at the remnants. It was horrifying, The deer carcass was littered with holes like if it was impaled by almost every angle. It looked closer to a net of flesh than a deer at all, the poor thing. I’m still debating if the cause of death was suffocation, trauma or being impaled by every fucking direction. Not to mention that there are a multitude of skins lying around the carcasses of prey, so my only conclusion is that the animals must use their hair (or unseen organs) to deposit the eggs inside the creature. They proceed to hatch, and kill each other before a single one leaves.
Thank the lords above for my armour, enchanted with stealth so I never get noticed until it’s really unavoidable. I killed quite a bunch to make this report, and it took me three months to complete it Vivilor. I hope you like the damn papers, I almost died more times than I’d like.