Bogleech.com's 2015 Horror Write-off:
" KREBS: A Comprehensive Guide "
Submitted by Rachel
So. You have discovered a KREB. KREBS are a natural part of life and should not be feared. Do not shout at KREB. Do not be loud. If KREB is there he has come for a reason.
STEP 1: Identify the KREB. Is it a KREB? We can't know for sure. But here are some tips to help you to identify a KREB from another object.
TIP: Touch the KREB. How does he feel? If he has soft supple flesh that smells like your father he is not a true KREB. What have you encountered is a VOID KREB. Demons from the underworld masquerading as our beautiful saviors. Do not trust the VOID KREB.
TIP: Look deep into the eyes of KREB. If you can see vast endless stars this is a KREB you can count on. If the KREB has no eyes you can draw some to look into.
TIP: Perform a jig. If the KREB copies your movements that is not a KREB. It is a mirror.
STEP 2: If you have confirmed that you have a KREB, it is time to speak to the KREB. Take him into your house. Pour him a drink. Wait. KREB will speak if you wait.
KREB will give a task. Sometimes these tasks can be hard. Sometimes they can be easy. No one in the world knows why that is.
Do what KREB asks of you. Do it quickly. Bring KREB with you on the task. He needs to see. He needs to watch. Otherwise KREB will not believe you.
Trust KREB on your task. He will keep you safe.
STEP 3: If you have completed the task properly he will reward you. You will get a special thing no one knows about. Do not speak of the KREB GIFT. It is yours and yours alone.
If you reveal your KREB GIFT, the KREB will return. You do not want this. You might think you do. You might love KREB and want him back. You are unworthy of KREB's love. KREB will not love you back. KREB is gone. Do not bring KREB back.
Follow these steps and you will not be afraid when KREB comes. He comes for everyone.
Remember to not be scared. Remember to always trust KREB.
STEP 1: Identify the KREB. Is it a KREB? We can't know for sure. But here are some tips to help you to identify a KREB from another object.
TIP: Touch the KREB. How does he feel? If he has soft supple flesh that smells like your father he is not a true KREB. What have you encountered is a VOID KREB. Demons from the underworld masquerading as our beautiful saviors. Do not trust the VOID KREB.
TIP: Look deep into the eyes of KREB. If you can see vast endless stars this is a KREB you can count on. If the KREB has no eyes you can draw some to look into.
TIP: Perform a jig. If the KREB copies your movements that is not a KREB. It is a mirror.
STEP 2: If you have confirmed that you have a KREB, it is time to speak to the KREB. Take him into your house. Pour him a drink. Wait. KREB will speak if you wait.
KREB will give a task. Sometimes these tasks can be hard. Sometimes they can be easy. No one in the world knows why that is.
Do what KREB asks of you. Do it quickly. Bring KREB with you on the task. He needs to see. He needs to watch. Otherwise KREB will not believe you.
Trust KREB on your task. He will keep you safe.
STEP 3: If you have completed the task properly he will reward you. You will get a special thing no one knows about. Do not speak of the KREB GIFT. It is yours and yours alone.
If you reveal your KREB GIFT, the KREB will return. You do not want this. You might think you do. You might love KREB and want him back. You are unworthy of KREB's love. KREB will not love you back. KREB is gone. Do not bring KREB back.
Follow these steps and you will not be afraid when KREB comes. He comes for everyone.
Remember to not be scared. Remember to always trust KREB.