"s 2015 Horror Write-off:


Submitted by Ben Aron

I had to give into my desires.


I was always interested in monsters. I especially liked the weird and abstract ones. Giant mayonnaise blobs with nineteen eyes. Nuclear squid women with mechanical tentacles. Alien poop goblins with diseased sphincters for mouths.


I used to collect anything related to monsters. Trading cards. Novels. Movies. Quirky sex toys from Japan. I was into all of it.


I had been collecting and obsessing over monsters since I was a young boy. My parents thought there was something wrong with me. They thought that maybe I should go to church. Perhaps that could cure me of being a monster buff.


My parents eventually became worried that if I kept up collecting weird monster shit that I would summon some kind of demon. I thought that was a load of bullshit. I did not believe in monsters as real things, just as fun things to think about, but I was wrong. I was so wrong.


On the day I will never ever forget, on my eighteenth birthday on Tuesday, June 6th at 5:23 PM, something slimy slithered out of my laptop. It looked kind of like a big worm. It was about the size of a housecat. It had three eyestalks, with eyes on each, and a mouth that looked like a pierced vagina.


“I am Necrofucker,” said the creature. “I will be your guide to the best porn in up to 46 different dimensions!”


To say I was scared out of my mind would be an understatement, but after a while I came to the conclusion that I had to be having some kind of weird ass fever dream, but I soon learned I was not asleep.


“Yeah, Necro… fucker, did you say?” I asked.


“That’s right. Necrofucker. I am speaking your language, right? American English?”


“Yeah… I…”


“Let’s get to the porn, shall we?”


“Well, I like women mostly.”


“Oh… simple tastes, I see… hmmmm… I wonder why was I summoned here? Well, why don’t we at least try something.”


Necrofucker attached a techno-organic device to my laptop and strange symbols, some of which I recognized as crudely drawn reproductive organs, appeared on the screen.


“This is it. This is a utopia for porners!” exclaimed Necrofucker.


Suddenly, a video popped up on my screen. The quality was not very good. It was less than 240p. What I could make out was pretty horrifying at first.


There was what appeared to be a hairy creature that was ape-like, but it had a penis and testicles for a head and torpedoes for arms and legs. This creature was inserting its head into the head of a scaly reptile-like creature with penises for hands and large female breasts for feet and had what appeared to be highly infected buttocks for a head. It was a very strange sight at the time, but now it actually seems pretty PG.


I came. I came uncontrollably for what seemed like ten minutes. It was the best my dick had ever felt. Something strange had come over me. I had experienced something truly beautiful and I had to have more of it and so I kept watching more and more and at that moment I knew I wasn’t asleep. This was the most awake I had ever felt.


Crystal ghost vampire orgy. Gun-toting mutant dinosaur blowjobs. Toothy cock golems. Atomic kaiju threesomes. Grey MILFs. It was all so satisfying. I came a little bit for each frame.


After I watched those videos. A vagina-shaped hole opened up on my laptop and spoke to me.


“Shove that juicy cock of yours inside me, flesh life form,” said my laptop.


Things were about to get sexy. I stuck my cock in and came instantly!


My laptop started to shake, with my dick inside it, and then I noticed that all of reality was warping around me. I was getting sucked into another dimension and I did not care. This was the first time I had sex with another life form, even if it was a mutated laptop. There was no way I was just going to abort the mission.


I ended up in a room filled with DVDs of porn films from across the 46 dimensions. I hit the jackpot and my laptop was with me for the “ride.”


“Well, humanoid are you quite satisfied?” asked Necrofucker.


“Of course! This is my dream come true!” I shouted.


Necrofucker, my laptop and I all started fucking each other and we all lived happily ever after.


I never saw my parents again though. Those judgmental pricks.