"s 2015 Horror Write-off:

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Submitted by

Car Enthusiast

Susan doesn't really cut it for me anymore. We've been together for a long time, and I'd like to believe that I still love her, yet whenever I go to bed and she tries anything, it just feels..... Cold, really. She can't get my blood pumping anymore, and I don't wanna touch her. I actually feel kind of sad for her, as I don't really think it's her fault. After so many years together, this is what it comes down to, it seems; a cold bed, and a hollow marriage. Sure, I heard of this kind of thing happening to other couples, but that was always a distant threat. A speck of dust in the horizon.

How can I bring myself to tell her that I simply don't want her anymore?

Maybe I need something new in my life. Something to re-ignite that old spark of youth.


I decided to buy a car. It might seem like a juvenile thing to do in the face of a stale marriage, I know as much, and Susan got mad because I didn't ask for her opinion, but hey, I'm well into my fourth decade of life and have money to spare; when am I supposed to start enjoying myself, if not now? Besides, I always wanted a nice, strong muscle car, and this Nova is just amazing. I don't think I've ever driven something quite as powerful.


She's getting rather annoying, actually. Says that I spend too much time with the Nova (I just bought the thing!), that we don't talk anymore and that I'm not as affectionate as I used to be and blah blah blah. She even accused me of going through some kind of mid-life crisis. Hey, it's not my problem you're such a bore. The Nova, on the other hand, doesn't bother me with questions and nagging; when I turn the key, it roars. When I step on the gas, it soars. No "find the G-spot" or "let's talk about our feelings" bullshit. I like that.


Decided to go out for a ride while Susan slept. No particular reason for it, really. Just a relaxing little trip with the Nova and the radio as my only company. Somehow, I ended up at the local gazebo. I used to come here with her when we were young, like pretty much every horny teenage couple. She isn't with me now, but I don't mind. In fact, I prefer it that way. And the Nova's seats are so warm, and soft.....

Maybe I can get away with a solo quickie, while I'm here.


She's getting worse with each passing day. This time she asked me why I left the house without telling her anything. Said she was worried. Seriously, woman? I'm a goddamn adult. Do I need your permission to go out for a couple hours? Long story short, we fought, I got pissed, and decided to go out for a ride again. Seems like the only thing that doesn't bore or bother me nowadays is the Nova. It sure was a great decision to buy her. Wonder if I can go to the gazebo for another good time with it.....


Pimples? I woke up with pimples, really? Or not, they're more like..... Strange bumps (cysts?) on my arms, and legs. There's only a few of them, and they're easy to hide, but it's really puzzling. They're hard, too, and feel kinda..... Cold. Susan thankfully hasn't noticed, or she'd start bugging me about going to the doctor or some shit. They're weird, sure, but I bet they'll go away on their own. Speaking of which, she's away right now. Wonder if I could spend some more intimate time with Nova. Some people would call me crazy for being turned on by a car, but hey, fuck it. Different strokes for different folks and all that, right?


Nova started talking to me today. Says she loves me. That she loves me inside her. I don't think I've ever felt so happy in my life before. Breaks my heart though, to know that she's hungry. Says she feels a void in her belly.  I still got money to spare though, so it might be time to start investing on high quality fuel, and maybe even a new engine for her. That oughtta cheer her up, unlike Susan, who's basically a ball of bitterness and sexual frustration by now. She's getting old, I guess, and what kind of man has time for bitter, old women?


Scratched the skin off one of the cysts today. There was a bolt underneath.


Nova's still hungry. "It hurts", she says. "I need meat", she says. I'll get her some meat, alright. Always hated the dog's neighbour, anyway. 

Caught the little fuck, after a while. Chopped him up and stuck him inside the trunk, as Nova said. After that, I got inside and pulled it out. She likes that. Gets her motor running.

Checked the trunk later. It was all sticky, but there was no dog inside. She must've liked it, because she didn't say anything for a while. Probably fell asleep.


Susan doesn't want to see me anymore. She'll go stay at her mother's for some time. Good. I was getting tired of her already. Nova's sweeter and sexier and more interesting anyway. Fuck her. 

She's hungry again though, and I don't think a dog's gonna cut it this time. I need something bigger. Something fatter.

How old was the neighbour's kid, again?


Stuck the meat into the hood this time, and turned on the engine. Figured it'd help Nova with digestion. We got down and dirty later. She's great. Purrs like a cat, and makes me feel all warm and safe inside her. 

She also says that all of the bolts and nuts in my skin are her way of showing her love. Her own little love scratches and teeth marks, so to speak.

I believe her.


Nova says she's got a big surprise for me, but I can't see it until I bring Susan to her. We can't consummate our love unless she's completely out of the picture, so we went to her mother's house. The old bitch told me to get away from them, but the fireaxe I bought a while ago had something to say about that. Sue wasn't much of a hassle, though I did have to gag her. Didn't want her to attract any unwanted attention. We drove all the way back home, with Sue crying and squirming the whole time. I smacked her once or twice, to get her to behave. Real cathartic, too.

Same as the last time; chopped her up, and stuck her into the hood. It was a bit harder though, as she was bigger than the last meal, but I managed in the end. This time with Nova was the greatest, too; she told me nobody else had ever shown her such devotion in her life before. She loves me, the way no one ever has.

I tenderly fell asleep inside of her. This is heaven.


When I woke up, I found out what Nova's surprise was; a faint, but noticeable, rumbling sound in the depths of my guts. I could feel..... Pistons pumping, and little gears, running like clockwork inside of me. It felt strange. And cold.

I guess I'm not the man in this relationship anymore.