Written by Jonathan Wojcik

Bagface Danglemonster!

  One of the most common and widespread Halloween decorations is what I've just now decided to call a danglemonster. A small, rubber or plastic monster head on a string with a dangling cloth body. Many styles are available from many different stores each year, with and without bendable arms, but if you happen to have a Big Lots in your area, you may be able to find a brand new 2011 dangelmonster with an especially lovely design:

  While danglemonsters have included pumpkins, witches, vampires, mummies, clowns and especially skeletons, this is the first time I've ever seen one of a nondescript mutant freak with a bag on his head. Let's look even closer!

  There's so much to love about this ugly little freak. His pleading, baby blue eyes say "I only want to be understood!" while his the rotten teeth leering from an irregular burlap breach say "I gnaw on baby skulls in the sewer all day." Weirdly, he has no hands but does have a couple of wire "arms" under the cloth, allowing you to adjust his illusory body shape:

  Jeez Bagface Danglemonster you've been hitting those baby skulls hard!

  No! Don't starve yourself! You were always beautiful in your own special way!

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