Bogleech Halloween Classics:

The Paper Treat Bag of Horrors!

DISCOVERED: Walgreens, 2009

Jonathan Wojcik


   29 cents seemed like a good enough deal for a small paper bag covered in cool, colorful cartoon monsters, so I idly nabbed one for the hell of it. There was, after all, a cool giant eyeball and even a Nosferatu style vampire! It also seemed rather interesting how one side of the bag featured werewolves and vampires, while the other featured a mad science theme. All I lamented was the lack of a mummy, the third minimum essential flavor in a Neopolitan haunted house.

Only when I got the bag home and unfolded it did I discover what a real treasure I'd wound up with:


   Holy. Crap. Yeah, there's a mummy all right...but who the hell needs a mummy when the freaking FLY is scrambling down the roof for a taste of gutter-candy?! My single favorite cinematic monster of all time, so rarely represented in merchandise but beautifully cartoonified for this humble little treat pouch, a product people are intended to use once and throw in the garbage, like animals. A small part of me was actively hoping for a fly-man to show up here - like it always is - but that part of my is disappointed ninety nine times out of a hundred. I sure wasn't expecting a paper bag to finally step up to the plate.

  We also get a purple Hentai monster, a darling gill-man, a werewolf who just ate a human being, a snazzily dressed zombie (or maybe just an elderly old banker. That's a monster too, right?) and even an invisible man! There's something for everyone, here; even your choice between modern "sexy" vampires and a more ghoulish homage to Count Orlok. I like how these monsters also appear to be trick-or-treating at their own house. I guess it's their way of showing appreciation for one another as roommates. An artistic vision of this caliber feels almost wasted on a paper bag...those folds that will never come out may as well be folds across the Mona Lisa's face.



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