By Jonathan Wojcik and Rev Storm


A monster so iconic, they even deemed it worthy of a random loading screen! Frighteningly deadly and challenging to fight, an Abductor Virgin is like a gigantic iron maiden that appears to roll around on wheels. Its upper body has the eerie, pale face of a porcelain statue with stone arms cradling a carved stone baby, while its oversized, pointed shoulders dangle a pair of colossal, swinging pendulum blades or in some cases a set of mechanical rotary-saw arms.

The surfaces of these haunting constructs are also finely decorated in swirling, coiling patterns and golden snakes, which is our first clue to their alleigance, which we'll get to a bit later in these revies, but it's also a little preview of their secret surprise. They're called "abductors" because they can open up and drag you into their hollow interiors, which happens quickly enough that for the longest time we though this action was performed by elongated, ghoulish humanoid arms, but actually, it turns out to be just a little teeny bit more completely insane than that.

Zullie the Witch was nice enough to show everybody the inner workings of the ludicrous doohickeys up close, and they turn out to be filled with a number of giant snakes. Decorated with gold bands, six of these snakes are bundled together into the two massive, arm-like capturing appendages, while other snakes are wrapped around the core mechanism of the contraption like a much more literal version of the "serpentine belt" in an engine. These are snake powered machines. Snakes working together to steer their own magical mecha.

It makes sense, of course. It's a perfectly sensible thing to exist just anywhere, for any reason really. It's also just logical that there's so many sheets of raw meat nailed to the inside of it like that.